Jack Bernhardt
@jackbern.bsky.social
Informative and sexy at the same time!
Writes for Horrible Histories, Dogs In Space, Amazing World of Gumball; also talks a lot on podcasts (Taskmaster The People's Podcast, Football Book Club)
he/him
Writes for Horrible Histories, Dogs In Space, Amazing World of Gumball; also talks a lot on podcasts (Taskmaster The People's Podcast, Football Book Club)
he/him
one time my socially awkward friends and I were in Chicago and a slightly drunk college student started talking to us, when we told her we had to go she scoffed and said "okay enjoy the planetarium, nerds"
What's an insult you'll never forget?
December 26, 2025 at 5:27 PM
one time my socially awkward friends and I were in Chicago and a slightly drunk college student started talking to us, when we told her we had to go she scoffed and said "okay enjoy the planetarium, nerds"
just finished my first day running the Twitter account for a bigoted Catholic. went great! now to have a big sip of coffee and look up Oliver Cromwell's views on Catholics
Tomlinson, who advocates excluding all ethnic and faith minorities from public office (except Catholics & othet Christian denominations) praises Lowe as "word perfect". Tomlinson, a reactionary Catholic, sees in Lowe the spirit of Cromwell !
December 26, 2025 at 4:17 PM
just finished my first day running the Twitter account for a bigoted Catholic. went great! now to have a big sip of coffee and look up Oliver Cromwell's views on Catholics
GLADIATOR HYPE MAN: 🎶 do you feel the POWER of the GLADIATORS 🎶 do you have the will, and the sk-🎶
CONTESTANT: [puts up hand] hi sorry I just wanted to check if this was for beginners
GLADIATOR HYPE MAN: that's actually covered in the song if you let me finish
CONTESTANT: [puts up hand] hi sorry I just wanted to check if this was for beginners
GLADIATOR HYPE MAN: that's actually covered in the song if you let me finish
December 26, 2025 at 1:44 PM
GLADIATOR HYPE MAN: 🎶 do you feel the POWER of the GLADIATORS 🎶 do you have the will, and the sk-🎶
CONTESTANT: [puts up hand] hi sorry I just wanted to check if this was for beginners
GLADIATOR HYPE MAN: that's actually covered in the song if you let me finish
CONTESTANT: [puts up hand] hi sorry I just wanted to check if this was for beginners
GLADIATOR HYPE MAN: that's actually covered in the song if you let me finish
Reposted by Jack Bernhardt
Incidentally, I am absolutely not Team Cromwell, but justice compels me to point out that it was Cromwell who allowed Jews to resettle in England and to openly practice their faith, and I doubt he’d have had much time for this lot.
Could the idea of making Rupert Lowe the King instead be "mainstreamed", ask the online racist right!
December 26, 2025 at 10:39 AM
Incidentally, I am absolutely not Team Cromwell, but justice compels me to point out that it was Cromwell who allowed Jews to resettle in England and to openly practice their faith, and I doubt he’d have had much time for this lot.
Reposted by Jack Bernhardt
Watching THE GREEN KNIGHT again
April 22, 2024 at 7:43 PM
Watching THE GREEN KNIGHT again
of course it used to be called Botwittering Day and it was a fun time to talk about niche interests with loved ones. then Musk bought it up and changed the name and now we legally have to spend the day debating racists
December 26, 2025 at 10:32 AM
of course it used to be called Botwittering Day and it was a fun time to talk about niche interests with loved ones. then Musk bought it up and changed the name and now we legally have to spend the day debating racists
SHAKESPEARE: [comes up with a perfectly formed original observation about love and the human condition]
SHAKESPEARE'S ANNOYING BEST FRIEND: haha oh my god that's great, is that from something
SHAKESPEARE'S ANNOYING BEST FRIEND: haha oh my god that's great, is that from something
December 26, 2025 at 10:25 AM
SHAKESPEARE: [comes up with a perfectly formed original observation about love and the human condition]
SHAKESPEARE'S ANNOYING BEST FRIEND: haha oh my god that's great, is that from something
SHAKESPEARE'S ANNOYING BEST FRIEND: haha oh my god that's great, is that from something
on the thirteenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
thirteen solemn vows that the presents will not stop until one or both of us are dead
thirteen solemn vows that the presents will not stop until one or both of us are dead
December 26, 2025 at 10:01 AM
on the thirteenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
thirteen solemn vows that the presents will not stop until one or both of us are dead
thirteen solemn vows that the presents will not stop until one or both of us are dead
Reposted by Jack Bernhardt
Today’s episode of #DeadFunnyHistory is all about the genius scientist Marie Curie — it’s got silly voices, fun narration, jokes, facts, and a quiz at the end. Play it for your kids! Available worldwide on all podcast apps
www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/...
www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/...
You're Dead to Me - Dead Funny History - Marie Curie - BBC Sounds
Discover Marie Curie’s radioactive legacy
www.bbc.co.uk
December 26, 2025 at 9:20 AM
Today’s episode of #DeadFunnyHistory is all about the genius scientist Marie Curie — it’s got silly voices, fun narration, jokes, facts, and a quiz at the end. Play it for your kids! Available worldwide on all podcast apps
www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/...
www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/...
Reposted by Jack Bernhardt
It’s giving Ted and Nancy
On the second day of Foxmas , foxes gave to me . . . two ginger juveniles plotting !
Thank you to Dave Balshaw #FoxOfTheDay
Thank you to Dave Balshaw #FoxOfTheDay
December 26, 2025 at 9:54 AM
It’s giving Ted and Nancy
Reposted by Jack Bernhardt
spoiler for this year's A Ghost Story at Christmas:
December 26, 2025 at 9:41 AM
spoiler for this year's A Ghost Story at Christmas:
best bit of Christmas TV was unbelievably during a pre-dance VT in Strictly: Father Christmas yelling YOU AIN'T MY MOTHER and professional dancer Luba screaming YES I AM, just great stuff all round
December 26, 2025 at 9:39 AM
best bit of Christmas TV was unbelievably during a pre-dance VT in Strictly: Father Christmas yelling YOU AIN'T MY MOTHER and professional dancer Luba screaming YES I AM, just great stuff all round
the person who told Anton du Beke he can sing has blood on their hands
December 25, 2025 at 9:34 PM
the person who told Anton du Beke he can sing has blood on their hands
bit of a cliche but it was always a dream of mine (along with atomcrowley.bsky.social and @tobiwilsonline.bsky.social) to really nail a TV version of The Dawn Chorus by J R Chapterhouse
OK, less contentious post:
You've been placed in charge of a movie studio, and have an unlimited budget to adapt any work of your choosing that has never been made into a live-action TV series or film. What are you picking?
For me: PC Hodgell's Kencyrath Cycle and there's no close second
You've been placed in charge of a movie studio, and have an unlimited budget to adapt any work of your choosing that has never been made into a live-action TV series or film. What are you picking?
For me: PC Hodgell's Kencyrath Cycle and there's no close second
December 25, 2025 at 9:27 PM
bit of a cliche but it was always a dream of mine (along with atomcrowley.bsky.social and @tobiwilsonline.bsky.social) to really nail a TV version of The Dawn Chorus by J R Chapterhouse
didn't parboil the potatoes for long enough, roasties were decidedly middling, this is how Southgate felt in 96
December 25, 2025 at 6:17 PM
didn't parboil the potatoes for long enough, roasties were decidedly middling, this is how Southgate felt in 96
and Tiny Cutting Crew, who just died in your arms tonight (it must have been something you said)
December 25, 2025 at 1:13 PM
and Tiny Cutting Crew, who just died in your arms tonight (it must have been something you said)
SCROOGE: you there! what day is today?
BOY: today? it's Christmas Day
SCROOGE: the spirits did it all in one night!
BOY: NINETEEN SEVENTY THREE
[Life on Mars plays, a Ford Cortina suddenly crashes into Scrooge's front room]
GENE HUNT: OI, DI Scrooge, get in, we've got a nonce in Didsbury to bust
BOY: today? it's Christmas Day
SCROOGE: the spirits did it all in one night!
BOY: NINETEEN SEVENTY THREE
[Life on Mars plays, a Ford Cortina suddenly crashes into Scrooge's front room]
GENE HUNT: OI, DI Scrooge, get in, we've got a nonce in Didsbury to bust
December 25, 2025 at 10:59 AM
SCROOGE: you there! what day is today?
BOY: today? it's Christmas Day
SCROOGE: the spirits did it all in one night!
BOY: NINETEEN SEVENTY THREE
[Life on Mars plays, a Ford Cortina suddenly crashes into Scrooge's front room]
GENE HUNT: OI, DI Scrooge, get in, we've got a nonce in Didsbury to bust
BOY: today? it's Christmas Day
SCROOGE: the spirits did it all in one night!
BOY: NINETEEN SEVENTY THREE
[Life on Mars plays, a Ford Cortina suddenly crashes into Scrooge's front room]
GENE HUNT: OI, DI Scrooge, get in, we've got a nonce in Didsbury to bust
what does it mean if the ghost of Christmas Past turns up at 1, says "nah not feeling this one" and then vanishes? that's good right? asking for a friend
December 25, 2025 at 9:59 AM
what does it mean if the ghost of Christmas Past turns up at 1, says "nah not feeling this one" and then vanishes? that's good right? asking for a friend
Reposted by Jack Bernhardt
and the Tiny Tim meme, which despite the best efforts of Bluesky users, did NOT di- oh no sorry, this one killed it, shut it down everyone, meme's dead folks
December 24, 2025 at 8:39 PM
and the Tiny Tim meme, which despite the best efforts of Bluesky users, did NOT di- oh no sorry, this one killed it, shut it down everyone, meme's dead folks
I didn't realise it at the time because it was on kids channel (and not a Comedy Channel) but looking back Sabrina was the first live action sitcom I was truly obsessed with, and its density probably had massive effect on how I write
Really cannot be overstated how many jokes Sabrina the Teenage Witch is stuffed with as well as the fun plots (at least while she's still at high school) and niche 60s-70s celeb cameos. Go back and watch it now!
December 24, 2025 at 7:20 PM
I didn't realise it at the time because it was on kids channel (and not a Comedy Channel) but looking back Sabrina was the first live action sitcom I was truly obsessed with, and its density probably had massive effect on how I write
the choir of children sing their song, they practiced all year long. ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, ding dong.
yeah. seriously. that took them ALL YEAR to get right. we're pretty worried about them to be honest
yeah. seriously. that took them ALL YEAR to get right. we're pretty worried about them to be honest
December 24, 2025 at 6:16 PM
the choir of children sing their song, they practiced all year long. ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, ding dong.
yeah. seriously. that took them ALL YEAR to get right. we're pretty worried about them to be honest
yeah. seriously. that took them ALL YEAR to get right. we're pretty worried about them to be honest
and Tiny Tim, who did die and was secretly replaced in 1966 by a lookalike
December 24, 2025 at 5:56 PM
and Tiny Tim, who did die and was secretly replaced in 1966 by a lookalike
and Microscopic Tim, who did not die but whose single-celled existence called into question whether he had truly been alive in the first place
December 24, 2025 at 4:02 PM
and Microscopic Tim, who did not die but whose single-celled existence called into question whether he had truly been alive in the first place