Zak Jarvis
@zakjarvis.bsky.social
Artist, writer, extremely niche historian. He/him.
Links to my published fiction can be found on http://voidmonster.com
My collected writings on straight razors can be found at http://theshiveringbeggar.com
Tabula rasa accounts are auto-blocked.
Links to my published fiction can be found on http://voidmonster.com
My collected writings on straight razors can be found at http://theshiveringbeggar.com
Tabula rasa accounts are auto-blocked.
Pinned
Zak Jarvis
@zakjarvis.bsky.social
· Jul 4
Anybody want a highly realistic, life size human skull made from a 3d scan of a 14th century archaeological site in Visby, Sweden? I make and sell these. DM for details.
Purely because Carpenter is a gigantic fan of the band!
January 10, 2026 at 2:18 AM
Purely because Carpenter is a gigantic fan of the band!
Did you know that the "philosopher's staff" mark in Prince of Darkness is the Blue Oyster Cult logo?
(I am still working on the essay about the connections between Marcion of Sinope with the theology presented in the movie)
(I am still working on the essay about the connections between Marcion of Sinope with the theology presented in the movie)
January 10, 2026 at 2:15 AM
Did you know that the "philosopher's staff" mark in Prince of Darkness is the Blue Oyster Cult logo?
(I am still working on the essay about the connections between Marcion of Sinope with the theology presented in the movie)
(I am still working on the essay about the connections between Marcion of Sinope with the theology presented in the movie)
Gone *down*. I type good.
January 10, 2026 at 12:47 AM
Gone *down*. I type good.
I wonder if America's rate of murders has gone done because our population of violent psychopaths have mostly joined one of our many flourishing fascist police groups and can exercise their penchant for cruelty without adding to the statistics?
January 10, 2026 at 12:35 AM
I wonder if America's rate of murders has gone done because our population of violent psychopaths have mostly joined one of our many flourishing fascist police groups and can exercise their penchant for cruelty without adding to the statistics?
Back in the very early days of the wild internet, I had the brilliant idea of using a live feed to alt.binaries.pictures.tasteless to grab and show all the pictures as a screensaver.
I was cured of morbid curiosity forever.
I was cured of morbid curiosity forever.
January 9, 2026 at 9:43 PM
Back in the very early days of the wild internet, I had the brilliant idea of using a live feed to alt.binaries.pictures.tasteless to grab and show all the pictures as a screensaver.
I was cured of morbid curiosity forever.
I was cured of morbid curiosity forever.
Reposted by Zak Jarvis
Apropos of absolutely nothing to do with the masked men with no visible agency insignia carrying crates of who knows what out of the shooter's house, but HBO just released an amazing documentary into DHS "shadow units" whose job was to destroy evidence of Border Patrol's crimes
HBO documentary sheds light on Border Patrol’s now-defunct ‘shadow units’
“Anastasio was tragically tortured, beaten, kicked, stomped, and killed by border agents,” said Guerrero. “Unfortunately, that was only the first part of the story, the second par…
www.borderreport.com
January 9, 2026 at 9:35 PM
Apropos of absolutely nothing to do with the masked men with no visible agency insignia carrying crates of who knows what out of the shooter's house, but HBO just released an amazing documentary into DHS "shadow units" whose job was to destroy evidence of Border Patrol's crimes
It's times like this I'm actually grateful to have lived the kind of life where I know in my heart of hearts I do not need to actually listen to this.
January 9, 2026 at 9:32 PM
It's times like this I'm actually grateful to have lived the kind of life where I know in my heart of hearts I do not need to actually listen to this.
Reposted by Zak Jarvis
Mnemonic for distinguishing the Rod of Asclepius vs Hermes’ caduceus/kerkeion:
If the snakes be one, ‘tis Apollo’s son
If the snakes be deuces, the son is Zeus’
If the snakes be one, ‘tis Apollo’s son
If the snakes be deuces, the son is Zeus’
January 9, 2026 at 4:28 AM
Mnemonic for distinguishing the Rod of Asclepius vs Hermes’ caduceus/kerkeion:
If the snakes be one, ‘tis Apollo’s son
If the snakes be deuces, the son is Zeus’
If the snakes be one, ‘tis Apollo’s son
If the snakes be deuces, the son is Zeus’
Jesus Christ. I’ve been looking at my feed a lot lately while the water heater stuff gets resolved and… I need to not do that.
January 9, 2026 at 1:03 AM
Jesus Christ. I’ve been looking at my feed a lot lately while the water heater stuff gets resolved and… I need to not do that.
Yeah, no on tankless.
But we’ll have a new water heater by this evening.
But we’ll have a new water heater by this evening.
January 9, 2026 at 12:15 AM
Yeah, no on tankless.
But we’ll have a new water heater by this evening.
But we’ll have a new water heater by this evening.
Sure! Why not?
Guess it’s time to replace the water heater. I’d really hoped to do that in a more *planned* way, but it’s leaking right now.
Here’s hoping switching to tankless will be affordable. (Hahahaha! I am a comedian)
Guess it’s time to replace the water heater. I’d really hoped to do that in a more *planned* way, but it’s leaking right now.
Here’s hoping switching to tankless will be affordable. (Hahahaha! I am a comedian)
January 8, 2026 at 11:36 PM
Sure! Why not?
Guess it’s time to replace the water heater. I’d really hoped to do that in a more *planned* way, but it’s leaking right now.
Here’s hoping switching to tankless will be affordable. (Hahahaha! I am a comedian)
Guess it’s time to replace the water heater. I’d really hoped to do that in a more *planned* way, but it’s leaking right now.
Here’s hoping switching to tankless will be affordable. (Hahahaha! I am a comedian)
P.S.
The town named after him is now a ghost town.
The town named after him is now a ghost town.
January 7, 2026 at 11:35 PM
P.S.
The town named after him is now a ghost town.
The town named after him is now a ghost town.
Today I shaved with the nice razor he bought in Dublin while on the lam.
Everybody dies and Swartwout — and all our modern assholes — are everybodies. When they’re gone, their ill-gotten luxuries get scattered to the winds.
Never stop telling their stories.
Memento mori.
Everybody dies and Swartwout — and all our modern assholes — are everybodies. When they’re gone, their ill-gotten luxuries get scattered to the winds.
Never stop telling their stories.
Memento mori.
January 7, 2026 at 11:34 PM
Today I shaved with the nice razor he bought in Dublin while on the lam.
Everybody dies and Swartwout — and all our modern assholes — are everybodies. When they’re gone, their ill-gotten luxuries get scattered to the winds.
Never stop telling their stories.
Memento mori.
Everybody dies and Swartwout — and all our modern assholes — are everybodies. When they’re gone, their ill-gotten luxuries get scattered to the winds.
Never stop telling their stories.
Memento mori.
But it all caught up to him. In 1841 he finally agreed to come back to the US and pay off a small portion of his fines in promise for not being prosecuted.
For a while ’To Swartwout Out’ was slang for stealing a lot of money from the government and running to another country to avoid charges.
For a while ’To Swartwout Out’ was slang for stealing a lot of money from the government and running to another country to avoid charges.
January 7, 2026 at 11:34 PM
But it all caught up to him. In 1841 he finally agreed to come back to the US and pay off a small portion of his fines in promise for not being prosecuted.
For a while ’To Swartwout Out’ was slang for stealing a lot of money from the government and running to another country to avoid charges.
For a while ’To Swartwout Out’ was slang for stealing a lot of money from the government and running to another country to avoid charges.
While at his post, he was a major supporter of the Texans trying to break away from Mexico, including paying for provisions out of his own pocket and funding the repairs for the Texas Navy.
They founded a town in Texas named after him.
They founded a town in Texas named after him.
January 7, 2026 at 11:34 PM
While at his post, he was a major supporter of the Texans trying to break away from Mexico, including paying for provisions out of his own pocket and funding the repairs for the Texas Navy.
They founded a town in Texas named after him.
They founded a town in Texas named after him.
During his tenure at the port, he and his associates embezzled about $1.2 million dollars (roughly $40 million in today’s money).
When he left office in 1838 he fled to the UK while the accountants pored over his books to see how much he’d stolen.
When he left office in 1838 he fled to the UK while the accountants pored over his books to see how much he’d stolen.
January 7, 2026 at 11:34 PM
During his tenure at the port, he and his associates embezzled about $1.2 million dollars (roughly $40 million in today’s money).
When he left office in 1838 he fled to the UK while the accountants pored over his books to see how much he’d stolen.
When he left office in 1838 he fled to the UK while the accountants pored over his books to see how much he’d stolen.
Samuel Swartwout was part of the Aaron Burr/Andrew Jackson cabal. Enough so that in 1829 Jackson made him Collector of Customs at the Port of New York through a recess appointment, despite strong opposition from Martin Van Buren, then Secretary of State.
January 7, 2026 at 11:34 PM
Samuel Swartwout was part of the Aaron Burr/Andrew Jackson cabal. Enough so that in 1829 Jackson made him Collector of Customs at the Port of New York through a recess appointment, despite strong opposition from Martin Van Buren, then Secretary of State.
Reposted by Zak Jarvis
after a long day, sometimes you just need to sit back and blast some jizz until you pass out
January 5, 2026 at 10:53 PM
after a long day, sometimes you just need to sit back and blast some jizz until you pass out
Personally, I think if Abe could have built a time machine, he'd probably have just fully decamped to somewhere in the 3600's, when human facial hair is a valuable commodity prized by the spacefaring barnacles of Tau-Ceti who learn to teleport through telescopes.
January 6, 2026 at 2:08 AM
Personally, I think if Abe could have built a time machine, he'd probably have just fully decamped to somewhere in the 3600's, when human facial hair is a valuable commodity prized by the spacefaring barnacles of Tau-Ceti who learn to teleport through telescopes.
Oh god yeah. Sharpening a blade that big, freehand, without a spinning grindstone would be incredibly tedious even for someone skilled at it.
January 6, 2026 at 2:03 AM
Oh god yeah. Sharpening a blade that big, freehand, without a spinning grindstone would be incredibly tedious even for someone skilled at it.
A fun story about barbers:
The Conquistadors running Mexico City in the 1500's were upset that Chinese immigrant barbers took all the business from their guys, so they limited the number or razors Chinese barbers could own.
It didn't work.
The Conquistadors running Mexico City in the 1500's were upset that Chinese immigrant barbers took all the business from their guys, so they limited the number or razors Chinese barbers could own.
It didn't work.
January 6, 2026 at 1:51 AM
A fun story about barbers:
The Conquistadors running Mexico City in the 1500's were upset that Chinese immigrant barbers took all the business from their guys, so they limited the number or razors Chinese barbers could own.
It didn't work.
The Conquistadors running Mexico City in the 1500's were upset that Chinese immigrant barbers took all the business from their guys, so they limited the number or razors Chinese barbers could own.
It didn't work.
Also, there is a secret design feature of straight razors which makes them especially easy to make very, very sharp.
The thickness of the spine and the width of the blade are designed so you can lay it flat on a stone and get the perfect edge angle every time.
Repeatable edge angle is built in.
The thickness of the spine and the width of the blade are designed so you can lay it flat on a stone and get the perfect edge angle every time.
Repeatable edge angle is built in.
January 6, 2026 at 1:48 AM
Also, there is a secret design feature of straight razors which makes them especially easy to make very, very sharp.
The thickness of the spine and the width of the blade are designed so you can lay it flat on a stone and get the perfect edge angle every time.
Repeatable edge angle is built in.
The thickness of the spine and the width of the blade are designed so you can lay it flat on a stone and get the perfect edge angle every time.
Repeatable edge angle is built in.
Razors were tools used all up and down the social ladder, so they weren't relegated to just people with valets.
Anyone could buy a good hone, often sold by the same stores as the razors, but there were also traveling craftsmen who could sharpen and even regrind badly worn razors.
Anyone could buy a good hone, often sold by the same stores as the razors, but there were also traveling craftsmen who could sharpen and even regrind badly worn razors.
January 6, 2026 at 1:39 AM
Razors were tools used all up and down the social ladder, so they weren't relegated to just people with valets.
Anyone could buy a good hone, often sold by the same stores as the razors, but there were also traveling craftsmen who could sharpen and even regrind badly worn razors.
Anyone could buy a good hone, often sold by the same stores as the razors, but there were also traveling craftsmen who could sharpen and even regrind badly worn razors.
I did a test once to figure out exactly that.
This style razor works best when stropped before every use. It's a pretty easy task that only takes a minute or so.
With good stropping, I didn't need to touch up the edge for over a month of daily use.
This style razor works best when stropped before every use. It's a pretty easy task that only takes a minute or so.
With good stropping, I didn't need to touch up the edge for over a month of daily use.
January 6, 2026 at 1:39 AM
I did a test once to figure out exactly that.
This style razor works best when stropped before every use. It's a pretty easy task that only takes a minute or so.
With good stropping, I didn't need to touch up the edge for over a month of daily use.
This style razor works best when stropped before every use. It's a pretty easy task that only takes a minute or so.
With good stropping, I didn't need to touch up the edge for over a month of daily use.
Sorry I neglected to share a picture of a razor from that era. One of my favorites of the hundreds of designs of the time, sold by the same Philly merchant who sold Lincoln the pocket knife he was carrying to that fateful play.
January 6, 2026 at 1:24 AM
Sorry I neglected to share a picture of a razor from that era. One of my favorites of the hundreds of designs of the time, sold by the same Philly merchant who sold Lincoln the pocket knife he was carrying to that fateful play.