Not A Matt
@boatparade.bsky.social
Tyler Simmons wasn’t offside
Reposted by Not A Matt
absolutely slammed with meetings today
February 2, 2026 at 12:23 PM
absolutely slammed with meetings today
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I would just like to point out that trans people are not the cause of any of this
January 31, 2026 at 11:21 PM
I would just like to point out that trans people are not the cause of any of this
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I love their anger and confusion. I love that they've never once in their whole worthless lives felt care for or from another person. I love that they're hollow and worthless and will never know joy.
They're so ANGRY that we take care of each other, and not just angry.
So CONFUSED by it.
And that is why we will win
So CONFUSED by it.
And that is why we will win
January 28, 2026 at 1:41 AM
I love their anger and confusion. I love that they've never once in their whole worthless lives felt care for or from another person. I love that they're hollow and worthless and will never know joy.
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As a child, Plumbp Goofus was always told he would amount to nothing. Now he's Federal Officer Plumbp Goofus -- not so funny any more, is it?
January 26, 2026 at 6:34 AM
As a child, Plumbp Goofus was always told he would amount to nothing. Now he's Federal Officer Plumbp Goofus -- not so funny any more, is it?
Reposted by Not A Matt
Just reading the affidavits from the pediatrician and the kids' facepaint artist about what they saw when the federal agents killed the nurse outside the donut shop
January 25, 2026 at 2:56 AM
Just reading the affidavits from the pediatrician and the kids' facepaint artist about what they saw when the federal agents killed the nurse outside the donut shop
Reposted by Not A Matt
‘look for the helpers’ is advice for children. it’s time to be the helpers.
January 24, 2026 at 9:21 PM
‘look for the helpers’ is advice for children. it’s time to be the helpers.
Reposted by Not A Matt
like most mistakes in Shreveport, it went unaddressed
Johnson: I was the product of an unplanned teen pregnancy and a lot of people tried to convince my young parents that they should take care of that problem
January 24, 2026 at 2:11 AM
like most mistakes in Shreveport, it went unaddressed
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In the 2010s, the Icelandic tv station Channel 2 accidentally added subtitles from a gritty crime drama to an episode of Teletubbies.
I have translated some of the highlights
I have translated some of the highlights
January 20, 2026 at 12:30 AM
In the 2010s, the Icelandic tv station Channel 2 accidentally added subtitles from a gritty crime drama to an episode of Teletubbies.
I have translated some of the highlights
I have translated some of the highlights
Reposted by Not A Matt
Curt Cignetti walked into a college town with little football success and said Ohio State and Michigan sucked, said he'd be at the B1G title game soon, told everyone to Google him, and literally backed all of it up in just 2 years.
January 20, 2026 at 5:37 AM
Curt Cignetti walked into a college town with little football success and said Ohio State and Michigan sucked, said he'd be at the B1G title game soon, told everyone to Google him, and literally backed all of it up in just 2 years.
For real though, fuck ESPN for putting Skycast on ESPN News… your scroll sucks bro
January 20, 2026 at 12:48 AM
For real though, fuck ESPN for putting Skycast on ESPN News… your scroll sucks bro
Reposted by Not A Matt
jack daniels can be classified as either bourbon or whiskey, since bourbon and whiskey are simply different names for identical products
January 14, 2026 at 1:00 AM
jack daniels can be classified as either bourbon or whiskey, since bourbon and whiskey are simply different names for identical products
Reposted by Not A Matt
i need every single person to spend the next 53 seconds of their life watching this video from the intermission of the Hershey Bears game
i promise you, it just keeps getting better
i promise you, it just keeps getting better
January 11, 2026 at 2:26 AM
i need every single person to spend the next 53 seconds of their life watching this video from the intermission of the Hershey Bears game
i promise you, it just keeps getting better
i promise you, it just keeps getting better
Reposted by Not A Matt
Stop
Blowing
The
Horn
At
Other
People
We Are In North Carolina… Where do you think you are going?????
Blowing
The
Horn
At
Other
People
We Are In North Carolina… Where do you think you are going?????
January 2, 2026 at 8:21 PM
Stop
Blowing
The
Horn
At
Other
People
We Are In North Carolina… Where do you think you are going?????
Blowing
The
Horn
At
Other
People
We Are In North Carolina… Where do you think you are going?????
Reposted by Not A Matt
In 2023 I became obsessed with videos of dads in cargo shortswaiting in parking lots during Taylor Swift's Eras Tour. So when she came to town, I grabbed a camera and headed down to talk to them. I thought it'd be funny. It turned out to be something else entirely.
December 23, 2025 at 9:18 PM
In 2023 I became obsessed with videos of dads in cargo shortswaiting in parking lots during Taylor Swift's Eras Tour. So when she came to town, I grabbed a camera and headed down to talk to them. I thought it'd be funny. It turned out to be something else entirely.
Reposted by Not A Matt
TIL the original lyrics to Deck the Halls are awesome and “don we now our gay apparel” is temperance movement bullshit
December 13, 2025 at 10:44 PM
TIL the original lyrics to Deck the Halls are awesome and “don we now our gay apparel” is temperance movement bullshit
Reposted by Not A Matt
wife got a timer for all of our christmas lights so obviously thinking of this
December 2, 2025 at 1:29 AM
wife got a timer for all of our christmas lights so obviously thinking of this
Umbrellas are cheap and they will absolutely save your ass, I done seent it many times
And here’s the thing. Car insurance is expensive I get that.
Increasing your limits is cheaper than you’d expect. As is a personal umbrella policy.
Increasing your limits is cheaper than you’d expect. As is a personal umbrella policy.
November 26, 2025 at 11:29 PM
Umbrellas are cheap and they will absolutely save your ass, I done seent it many times
Reposted by Not A Matt
“Do not look for gilded statues of marble men: they are not that, and neither are we, and neither is anybody at all.”
Damn, that’s good.
Damn, that’s good.
November 18, 2025 at 11:51 PM
“Do not look for gilded statues of marble men: they are not that, and neither are we, and neither is anybody at all.”
Damn, that’s good.
Damn, that’s good.
Reposted by Not A Matt
Thanks for the suggestion, Amazon lint remover listing, but I’ll stick to using it on jumpers if it’s all the same to you.
November 18, 2025 at 8:25 PM
Thanks for the suggestion, Amazon lint remover listing, but I’ll stick to using it on jumpers if it’s all the same to you.
Reposted by Not A Matt
Reposted by Not A Matt
pickup trucks for the average person should not have been allowed to advance past this. if you need anything bigger, you should have to provide some kind of documentation showing you have the license and need for special heavy machinery, otherwise you get the 1990 toyota hilux
November 14, 2025 at 1:38 AM
pickup trucks for the average person should not have been allowed to advance past this. if you need anything bigger, you should have to provide some kind of documentation showing you have the license and need for special heavy machinery, otherwise you get the 1990 toyota hilux
Reposted by Not A Matt
every victory speech is like “to those that did not vote for me just know i will work with you”
nah dawg, we are running lib shit like it’s the four verts offense. gays everywhere. trans folks on every high school field hockey team. get on board or get smoked 42-0 at halftime.
nah dawg, we are running lib shit like it’s the four verts offense. gays everywhere. trans folks on every high school field hockey team. get on board or get smoked 42-0 at halftime.
November 5, 2025 at 1:44 AM
every victory speech is like “to those that did not vote for me just know i will work with you”
nah dawg, we are running lib shit like it’s the four verts offense. gays everywhere. trans folks on every high school field hockey team. get on board or get smoked 42-0 at halftime.
nah dawg, we are running lib shit like it’s the four verts offense. gays everywhere. trans folks on every high school field hockey team. get on board or get smoked 42-0 at halftime.
Reposted by Not A Matt
one time pitcher john denny knocked reggie jackson down with a brushback pitch. next time up reggie blasted a moonshot home run off him. denny kept chirping at him as he rounded the bases and wouldn't stop, so reggie stepped on home, charged the mound and beat his ass. andrew cuomo is john denny
November 5, 2025 at 5:06 AM
one time pitcher john denny knocked reggie jackson down with a brushback pitch. next time up reggie blasted a moonshot home run off him. denny kept chirping at him as he rounded the bases and wouldn't stop, so reggie stepped on home, charged the mound and beat his ass. andrew cuomo is john denny
Reposted by Not A Matt
I wonder how the council of unelected law wizards is handling tonight. Well, Alito's sorted: he's about to fly several flags that they don't let you display in Germany
November 5, 2025 at 5:33 AM
I wonder how the council of unelected law wizards is handling tonight. Well, Alito's sorted: he's about to fly several flags that they don't let you display in Germany