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alexcrist.bsky.social
Alex something 🏳️‍⚧️🍉
@alexcrist.bsky.social
Reposted by Alex something 🏳️‍⚧️🍉
December 22, 2025 at 4:42 AM
Reposted by Alex something 🏳️‍⚧️🍉
Cop: Have you been drinking, sir?

Me: [just crashed into a tree completely sober while Googling “robot dicks”] Yes
December 20, 2025 at 4:52 AM
Reposted by Alex something 🏳️‍⚧️🍉
fbi loves to say shit like "we got him" when what really happened is they found a body in a storage unit
December 19, 2025 at 12:41 PM
Reposted by Alex something 🏳️‍⚧️🍉
lol a month ago I saw that headline and said This sounds like some shit that a guy who’s in the Epstein files would say. Lo and behold!
December 18, 2025 at 7:48 PM
Reposted by Alex something 🏳️‍⚧️🍉
it was I think better when there were ways for people who hate being on screen to make a creative living

I don’t think it’s an improvement that we’re creating a culture where everyone creative also has to be hot
December 16, 2025 at 1:46 AM
Reposted by Alex something 🏳️‍⚧️🍉
It’s so cool that every website is just Like This now. We used to send guys to the chair for putting pop-up ads on their sites. Now if I want to read something I have to read single lines between autoplaying video ads that use so much RAM they force the browser to reload every 5 seconds.
December 15, 2025 at 12:27 AM
Reposted by Alex something 🏳️‍⚧️🍉
Oh wow, absolute power corrupted you absolutely? That’s so weird, I got absolute power last year and my subjects say I’ve only gotten wiser and more virtuous
December 13, 2025 at 1:52 AM
Reposted by Alex something 🏳️‍⚧️🍉
a free spirit, living in the moment, never a slave to the past
Q: “You said you would have no problem with releasing the full video of that strike on September 2nd.”

Trump: “I didn’t say that. You said that. I didn’t say that. This is ABC fake news.”

Trump on Dec. 3: “Whatever they have, we’d certainly release. No problem.”
December 9, 2025 at 12:00 AM
Reposted by Alex something 🏳️‍⚧️🍉
choosing for my own sake that the DNC turned the clinton bot farm against me, because if I consider that every dem boomer is this insane i will be very cross and very maudlin
December 9, 2025 at 4:27 AM
Reposted by Alex something 🏳️‍⚧️🍉
I am brimming with holiday spirit
December 8, 2025 at 12:47 PM
Reposted by Alex something 🏳️‍⚧️🍉
people don’t want to hear this but this is exactly what Taylor Swift meant when she said “sometimes I feel like everybody is a sexy baby and I’m a monster on the hill”

reject infantilization and you get fast forwarded directly to Crone

accept infantilization and you’re Nuzzi doing I’m Baby at 32
Possibly the only thing more freakish than Nuzzi's prose is the contortions her defenders twist themselves into. "She's not just hot, but she definitely is hot, while also being a vulnerable smol child. Also, criticizing her is sexist."
December 9, 2025 at 1:15 AM
Reposted by Alex something 🏳️‍⚧️🍉
Heartbreaking. The University of Nebraska will terminate its entire Earth science department.

One of the country's most successful and respected geology & climate programs: gone.

When ideologues & politicians are threatened by the very act of studying climate change, I wonder: who of us is next?
It's over.

Despite the fact that the academic council recommended against it, despite the fact that the program brought in more tuition than it cost, and despite the fact that Nebraskans need & deserve this expertise, Earth & Atmospheric Sciences will be cut.

www.dailynebraskan.com/news/adminis...
BREAKING: ‘This hurts’: UNL eliminates 4 programs despite faculty, student pleas
The University of Nebraska-Lincoln eliminates the Earth and atmospheric sciences 8-0, educational administration 7-1, statistics 7-1, textiles, merchandising and fashion design 7-1 programs.
www.dailynebraskan.com
December 6, 2025 at 8:40 PM
Reposted by Alex something 🏳️‍⚧️🍉
I received an "F" on my dental school paper for writing "the tooth fairy takes 'em while you sleep" and now I'm suing the school for religious discrimination
December 1, 2025 at 6:48 PM
Reposted by Alex something 🏳️‍⚧️🍉
As a Democrat, I do not believe in the goals of the company SauronMurdersEveryone Inc and do not trust their claims that they will not murder everyone. However, in the spirit of bipartisanship, I will be voting to give SauronMurdersEveryone Inc the government contract monitoring citizen locations.
hi i'm a billionaire my company, which will definitely not murder everyone, is named SauronMurdersEveryone Inc after the beloved jrr tolkien character sauron whom i have always admired for his disruptive use of world changing technology and for murdering everyone
December 4, 2025 at 9:24 PM
Reposted by Alex something 🏳️‍⚧️🍉
I personally can’t think of anything more impotent than “we’ll file a resolution if they actually go to war”
December 4, 2025 at 4:48 PM
Reposted by Alex something 🏳️‍⚧️🍉
We spent fifteen years making it patriotic to salute bombing weddings and birthdays! All you had to do was make some vague noises about terrorism!

Apparently random dudes fishing is our Do Not Cross line. I’m vaguely shocked that line exists.
December 4, 2025 at 4:39 PM
I got to say “the US does not acknowledge the jurisdiction of the ICC” today and then tell them what ICC stands for. I love that sentence but the smile on my face when I share this fun fact is decidedly inappropriate.
December 2, 2025 at 5:19 AM
Reposted by Alex something 🏳️‍⚧️🍉
I don’t have time for shenanigans right now little girl I’ve got real adult crying in the phaemacy parking lot to do
December 1, 2025 at 10:24 PM
Reposted by Alex something 🏳️‍⚧️🍉
More than worth it
Capricorn: On the plus side, your death will prove that at least one cryptid is real.
December 1, 2025 at 12:56 AM
Reposted by Alex something 🏳️‍⚧️🍉
What a great headline
November 28, 2025 at 3:49 PM
Reposted by Alex something 🏳️‍⚧️🍉
i think all the time about the discourse around the oscars slap. i forget who it was who said this but their takeaway was "listen, these are three highly specific and extremely strange individuals colliding at once in a singular event. there is nothing to be learned or extrapolated here"
November 27, 2025 at 12:05 AM
Man Who Thought Fleetwood Mac’s ‘The Chain’ Was Over In For Thrill Of His Fucking Life — theonion.com/man-who-thou...
Man Who Thought Fleetwood Mac’s ‘The Chain’ Was Over In For Thrill Of His Fucking Life
BOSTON—Prematurely assuming he had reached the end of the 1977 rock masterpiece, local man Peter Verran, who thought Fleetwood Mac’s “The Chain” was over, was reportedly in for the thrill of his fucki...
theonion.com
November 25, 2025 at 1:34 AM
My VPN has me in Helsinki except when I want to read my hometown newspaper obits
Planned Parenthood uses a VPN so its twitter location is shown as Germany and now all of MAGA twitter thinks Planned Parenthood is a fake organization based in Europe.
November 24, 2025 at 9:02 PM
Reposted by Alex something 🏳️‍⚧️🍉
i have a controversial position: i dont think this defunctland needs to be an hour longer than return of the king extended edition
November 24, 2025 at 6:30 PM