Kelly Crawford
@kellycrawford.bsky.social
Complete amateur. At everything. Absolutely lacking in any measurable talent.
Pffft. My mum got Ian Wright to phone me and wish me a happy birthday on my 16th. Don’t start thinking you’re special Zohran…
November 24, 2025 at 6:52 PM
Pffft. My mum got Ian Wright to phone me and wish me a happy birthday on my 16th. Don’t start thinking you’re special Zohran…
Reposted by Kelly Crawford
sorry I have big boobs and correct opinions, once I get forklift certified, I'll be unstoppable
November 24, 2025 at 4:34 PM
sorry I have big boobs and correct opinions, once I get forklift certified, I'll be unstoppable
One day, when I can be arsed, I am going to research and publish a matrix of the best biscuits to eat in bed, measuring taste against the risk of mess created (crumbs and/or melted chocolate).
Chocolate gingerbread digestives are already scoring very poorly against one of those measurements.
Chocolate gingerbread digestives are already scoring very poorly against one of those measurements.
November 23, 2025 at 8:25 PM
One day, when I can be arsed, I am going to research and publish a matrix of the best biscuits to eat in bed, measuring taste against the risk of mess created (crumbs and/or melted chocolate).
Chocolate gingerbread digestives are already scoring very poorly against one of those measurements.
Chocolate gingerbread digestives are already scoring very poorly against one of those measurements.
Both freezers need defrosting so the drawers keep getting stuck.
Have I defrosted them? No.
Have I instead rearranged the entire contents so that I can more easily get to the stuff I need? Yes.
Have I advised my family of where everything now is? Nope.
Have I defrosted them? No.
Have I instead rearranged the entire contents so that I can more easily get to the stuff I need? Yes.
Have I advised my family of where everything now is? Nope.
November 23, 2025 at 3:00 PM
Both freezers need defrosting so the drawers keep getting stuck.
Have I defrosted them? No.
Have I instead rearranged the entire contents so that I can more easily get to the stuff I need? Yes.
Have I advised my family of where everything now is? Nope.
Have I defrosted them? No.
Have I instead rearranged the entire contents so that I can more easily get to the stuff I need? Yes.
Have I advised my family of where everything now is? Nope.
November 22, 2025 at 8:03 PM
November 22, 2025 at 7:58 PM
Reposted by Kelly Crawford
Elf-made shoes
‘The Elves and the Shoemaker’, 1965
Artist: Robert Lumley
‘The Elves and the Shoemaker’, 1965
Artist: Robert Lumley
November 22, 2025 at 7:14 PM
Elf-made shoes
‘The Elves and the Shoemaker’, 1965
Artist: Robert Lumley
‘The Elves and the Shoemaker’, 1965
Artist: Robert Lumley
November 22, 2025 at 7:35 PM
November 22, 2025 at 6:50 PM
Reposted by Kelly Crawford
Donald Trump left on two blue ticks after Zohran goes back to New York 😢
November 21, 2025 at 10:30 PM
Donald Trump left on two blue ticks after Zohran goes back to New York 😢
Reposted by Kelly Crawford
You're not asking trans people. You're asking all people. This affects us all. Anyone could be barred from services based on appearance. Since, surprisingly we all have a fecking appearance
www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...
www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...
Trans people could be barred from services based on appearance
The new code of practice on access to single-sex services cannot gain legal force until it gets sign-off from ministers.
www.bbc.co.uk
November 21, 2025 at 1:15 AM
You're not asking trans people. You're asking all people. This affects us all. Anyone could be barred from services based on appearance. Since, surprisingly we all have a fecking appearance
www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...
www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...
Reposted by Kelly Crawford
Trying to identify who each of the female pros were representing in the pro dance #strictly
Nadiya: Marilyn Monroe
Luba: Chita Rivera?
Nancy: Cyd Cherise
Jovita: Suzanne Charny?
Michelle: ??
Or am I overthinking this?
Nadiya: Marilyn Monroe
Luba: Chita Rivera?
Nancy: Cyd Cherise
Jovita: Suzanne Charny?
Michelle: ??
Or am I overthinking this?
November 16, 2025 at 7:54 PM
Trying to identify who each of the female pros were representing in the pro dance #strictly
Nadiya: Marilyn Monroe
Luba: Chita Rivera?
Nancy: Cyd Cherise
Jovita: Suzanne Charny?
Michelle: ??
Or am I overthinking this?
Nadiya: Marilyn Monroe
Luba: Chita Rivera?
Nancy: Cyd Cherise
Jovita: Suzanne Charny?
Michelle: ??
Or am I overthinking this?
Reposted by Kelly Crawford
This one? Like a condom filled with mackeral paté. Happy to help.
November 16, 2025 at 2:20 PM
This one? Like a condom filled with mackeral paté. Happy to help.
Fuck it, I’m starting on the Christmas romcoms
November 15, 2025 at 4:00 PM
Fuck it, I’m starting on the Christmas romcoms
Reposted by Kelly Crawford
she’s a 10 but Excel thinks she’s October
November 13, 2025 at 8:08 AM
she’s a 10 but Excel thinks she’s October
Was in a queue earlier and there was a toddler in a buggy nearby and he did a Big Stretch and I had to stop myself saying “Biiiiig stretch” because I’m not sure it’s acceptable to say to someone you don’t know if they’re not a cat or a dog
November 14, 2025 at 1:09 PM
Was in a queue earlier and there was a toddler in a buggy nearby and he did a Big Stretch and I had to stop myself saying “Biiiiig stretch” because I’m not sure it’s acceptable to say to someone you don’t know if they’re not a cat or a dog
The biggest indicator that we are back in the early noughties is that M&S have a subcategory under party wear for “jeans and a nice top”
November 14, 2025 at 11:54 AM
The biggest indicator that we are back in the early noughties is that M&S have a subcategory under party wear for “jeans and a nice top”
I am now 48% latte.
Couldn’t sleep so have mentally planned my route between appointments and errands today to allow multiple options for cake and coffee stops
November 14, 2025 at 10:06 AM
I am now 48% latte.
Heard someone say “that was a crisis converted” earlier and I’m sure it was a malapropism but also I’m using it in future because I don’t swerve crises, I just switch them up to a different flavour of crisis
November 14, 2025 at 9:32 AM
Heard someone say “that was a crisis converted” earlier and I’m sure it was a malapropism but also I’m using it in future because I don’t swerve crises, I just switch them up to a different flavour of crisis
Couldn’t sleep so have mentally planned my route between appointments and errands today to allow multiple options for cake and coffee stops
November 14, 2025 at 7:03 AM
Couldn’t sleep so have mentally planned my route between appointments and errands today to allow multiple options for cake and coffee stops
Assuming the post doesn‘t go to the automatic choice - @georgyjamieson.bsky.social - then yes, Floella please
Floella Benjamin for DG.
November 9, 2025 at 7:55 PM
Assuming the post doesn‘t go to the automatic choice - @georgyjamieson.bsky.social - then yes, Floella please
Reposted by Kelly Crawford
Me, giggling like a goblin, strapping myself into the BBC Boss chair, commissioning non-celeb sitcom & sketch show after another. High concept narrative comedies by women! 100 shows with writers rooms! Tell whatever celeb blokes are doing a travel show they can make their own way back from Bordeaux!
November 9, 2025 at 6:58 PM
Me, giggling like a goblin, strapping myself into the BBC Boss chair, commissioning non-celeb sitcom & sketch show after another. High concept narrative comedies by women! 100 shows with writers rooms! Tell whatever celeb blokes are doing a travel show they can make their own way back from Bordeaux!
Reposted by Kelly Crawford
my wife described someone as being like “someone who thinks they could pass an exam because they were an invigilator”, and it sums up a certain mindset beautifully, doesn’t it?
November 9, 2025 at 3:08 PM
my wife described someone as being like “someone who thinks they could pass an exam because they were an invigilator”, and it sums up a certain mindset beautifully, doesn’t it?
I properly snorted at this
They should team up with the hedgehog that woke us up one night trying to shag the broom my husband had left on the patio…
They should team up with the hedgehog that woke us up one night trying to shag the broom my husband had left on the patio…
Jesus fucken Christ. I ordered some undercrackers, lads. Nothing came. No despatch email, no delivery confirmation, nothing.
So today I check tracking online. Evri "delivered" them to my side garden (just chucked randomly).
AND THEN THE FOXES
THE FOXES
(breathe)
ATE
MY
FUCKEN
PANTS
So today I check tracking online. Evri "delivered" them to my side garden (just chucked randomly).
AND THEN THE FOXES
THE FOXES
(breathe)
ATE
MY
FUCKEN
PANTS
November 9, 2025 at 7:01 PM
I properly snorted at this
They should team up with the hedgehog that woke us up one night trying to shag the broom my husband had left on the patio…
They should team up with the hedgehog that woke us up one night trying to shag the broom my husband had left on the patio…