Jo Mills
@jomills35.bsky.social
Twitter addict, having a go with this lifeboat. May contain mention of horses and/or niche soft furnishings knowledge. No notable achievements, until napping is added to the Olympics. (She/her; Hampshire/West Sussex UK)
Reposted by Jo Mills
(*One of my favourite Nirvana songs)
![[TWO PINTS OF BEER are on a pub bar, one is PERONI and one is a brown Christmas-themed beer]
1
PERONI:
Hello there
CHRISTMAS BEER:
Hello Peroni
2
PERONI:
So nice to have someone new on the lineup!
And you are…?
3
CHRISTMAS BEER:
You know who I am, Peroni.
4
CHRISTMAS BEER:
I am Brown Christmas Liquid.
I come back each year.
5
CHRISTMAS BEER:
Every time with a new name, and a new horrible ingredient.
Last year I was Reindeer Stomper. This year I am... Cheeky Elf.
6
PERONI:
Oh god
You were on the bar for two months and…
CHRISTMAS BEER:
Three pints sold, aye.
7
CHRISTMAS BEER:
I’m a seasonal blend of cinnamon, ginger, cloves, orange peel, nutmeg and this year, for reasons of late-capitalist sadism, vanilla.
8
CHRISTMAS BEER:
My name is Cheeky Elf,
I taste of jam,
and I want to d*e.
9
PERONI:
Well somebody’s trying you
CHRISTMAS BEER:
Poor bastard
[A hand comes down to lift CHRISTMAS BEER to sip the pint]
10
[CHRISTMAS BEER being sipped, off-scene]
11
[CHRISTMAS BEER being sipped, off-scene]
12
[CHRISTMAS BEER gets put back on the bar ]
PERSON [who just drank CHRISTMAS BEER]:
Oh my god
CHEEKY ELF:
SEE?
[Ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreihdolqp33utirnxlepybldhkayvwfgh4a7ygov4yhx2dvboi4aqjq@jpeg)
December 9, 2025 at 8:20 PM
(*One of my favourite Nirvana songs)
Sometimes people make a post like this and it's a bit 'yeah, that was one of the dozen likely things'. This however is truly insane.
I can’t emphasize enough how much you need to watch this until the end
December 9, 2025 at 5:50 PM
Sometimes people make a post like this and it's a bit 'yeah, that was one of the dozen likely things'. This however is truly insane.
Reposted by Jo Mills
ok kudos to the team. i thought this was pretty streamlined
December 8, 2025 at 9:21 PM
ok kudos to the team. i thought this was pretty streamlined
Reposted by Jo Mills
![1
Nurse:
It’s become a real problem in this area
2
Nurse:
We’ve seen the whole community lost to addiction
3
Show a building sign posted:
Westminster ‘X’ Addiction Clinic
With various Westminster people or looking at their phones outside it
Nurse:
Ministers, Spads, Researchers…
4
Nurse:
Most mornings we’ll get a call about someone acting strangely
[Nurse on phone taking a call]
Ok - we’ll be right over
5
Nurse:
We just have a gentle chat
[Nurses approach a minister –Robert Jenrick? - standing in the Palace of Westminster
Minister:
I understand your concerns…
6
Nurse:
Are you OK love?
Minister:
Yes I’m just hearing legitimate concerns from real voters
7
Nurse:
That’s a robot, a Nazi and a poorly-disguised Russian
[Show that the people he is talking to are precisely these characters]
Nurse 2:
Give us your phone, love
8
Nurse:
At the clinic we put them in a Grass-Touching Pod, with a real voter to talk to
[We see them back at the clinic, holding the minister's head and pushing him into a glass isolation booth with a grass floor. And it is a baffled looking woman, on a chair, ready to talk to him.]
9
Minister:
YOU MUST BE WORRIED ABOUT THE COMING CIVIL WAR
[woman looks baffled]
10
woman:
I just want a bus service
Minister:
LOOK AT MY FLAG
[produces a St George's flag]
[ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreicahofq6s4xow7vowj7dx6odw6ejdwr4kwcmzta7qwi4hg2nvywji@jpeg)
Reposted by Jo Mills
Reposted by Jo Mills
Me and my mate Steve were doing Christmas hand puppets earlier. Mary and Joseph looked slim on my hands but Good King Wenceslas looked stout on the fist of Steven.
December 2, 2025 at 8:23 PM
Me and my mate Steve were doing Christmas hand puppets earlier. Mary and Joseph looked slim on my hands but Good King Wenceslas looked stout on the fist of Steven.
Reposted by Jo Mills
Mindboggling: how some of the most vulnerable people in Britain face what can only be described as outrageous abuse by the private providers whom the NHS outsources critical care services like wheelchairs to.
www.theguardian.com/world/2025/d...
www.theguardian.com/world/2025/d...
‘I wish I could say I kept my cool’: my maddening experience with the NHS wheelchair service
The long read: After I was paralysed in a climbing accident, I discovered how inconsiderate, illogical and incompetent many wheelchair providers can be
www.theguardian.com
December 2, 2025 at 3:03 PM
Mindboggling: how some of the most vulnerable people in Britain face what can only be described as outrageous abuse by the private providers whom the NHS outsources critical care services like wheelchairs to.
www.theguardian.com/world/2025/d...
www.theguardian.com/world/2025/d...
Reposted by Jo Mills
“AI is clearly sticking around so you have to get used to it” wrong. I don’t have to get used to shit. I am a practiced hater and I can keep this going for decades if I am required to
December 1, 2025 at 11:29 PM
“AI is clearly sticking around so you have to get used to it” wrong. I don’t have to get used to shit. I am a practiced hater and I can keep this going for decades if I am required to
Hard to pick a favourite - is it 2 baths in one room? Is it no bed in Bed 2? Is it all the sinks in the great room or the total lack of actual kitchen in the area labelled kitchen?
December 1, 2025 at 9:50 PM
Hard to pick a favourite - is it 2 baths in one room? Is it no bed in Bed 2? Is it all the sinks in the great room or the total lack of actual kitchen in the area labelled kitchen?
Reposted by Jo Mills
I’m starting #Whamtastic - every time you hear Wham’s ‘Last Christmas’ naturally you get points.
Team up with 4 or 5 other people and who ever has most points gets a Toblerone from the others.
Team up with 4 or 5 other people and who ever has most points gets a Toblerone from the others.
Whamageddon stopped being mildly amusing about 7 years ago. Remember how Facebook was quite trendy in 2008? Well Whamageddon is on a similar cultural trajectory and now is like Facebook in 2013 when your mate’s racist Nan has added you and you have to see fucking Minion memes constantly.
November 30, 2025 at 9:25 PM
I’m starting #Whamtastic - every time you hear Wham’s ‘Last Christmas’ naturally you get points.
Team up with 4 or 5 other people and who ever has most points gets a Toblerone from the others.
Team up with 4 or 5 other people and who ever has most points gets a Toblerone from the others.
Reposted by Jo Mills
And I'd trust her with my life.
November 23, 2025 at 6:19 PM
And I'd trust her with my life.
A secondary school friend has just posted that it's 25 years since her sibling passed away; and what the hell is time that it was 25 years ago that I went to that funeral?! Is the whole of adulthood just hearing numbers that sound physically impossible?
November 21, 2025 at 7:09 PM
A secondary school friend has just posted that it's 25 years since her sibling passed away; and what the hell is time that it was 25 years ago that I went to that funeral?! Is the whole of adulthood just hearing numbers that sound physically impossible?
Reposted by Jo Mills
Sign of the times that when waking up to the headline ‘England Collapses Overnight’ I had to check it was definitely about the cricket. 🏏 #MAshes
November 21, 2025 at 7:50 AM
Sign of the times that when waking up to the headline ‘England Collapses Overnight’ I had to check it was definitely about the cricket. 🏏 #MAshes
Reposted by Jo Mills
Without asylum:
Marks and Spencer wouldn't exist
Queen would have been without a front man
The other queen wouldn't have had a husband
Judith Kerr would never have written The Tiger Who Came to Tea
And thousands of less famous people wouldn't have been teachers, politicians, neighbours, etc
Marks and Spencer wouldn't exist
Queen would have been without a front man
The other queen wouldn't have had a husband
Judith Kerr would never have written The Tiger Who Came to Tea
And thousands of less famous people wouldn't have been teachers, politicians, neighbours, etc
November 15, 2025 at 10:04 AM
Without asylum:
Marks and Spencer wouldn't exist
Queen would have been without a front man
The other queen wouldn't have had a husband
Judith Kerr would never have written The Tiger Who Came to Tea
And thousands of less famous people wouldn't have been teachers, politicians, neighbours, etc
Marks and Spencer wouldn't exist
Queen would have been without a front man
The other queen wouldn't have had a husband
Judith Kerr would never have written The Tiger Who Came to Tea
And thousands of less famous people wouldn't have been teachers, politicians, neighbours, etc
Reposted by Jo Mills
Post an image that will always make you laugh
(clearly I’m a bookseller)
(clearly I’m a bookseller)
November 13, 2025 at 9:34 PM
Post an image that will always make you laugh
(clearly I’m a bookseller)
(clearly I’m a bookseller)
Reposted by Jo Mills
![[Scene is a kitchen - a middle aged woman called JANET is boiling peas at the stove. A younger more colourfully dressed woman named LIZ approached her.]
JANET:
Ugh...
LIZ:
What's up?
JANET:
I am so bored of cooking peas!
LIZ:
Have you tried...
AI peas?
JANET:
AI peas?
LIZ:
They're peas with AI!
[Liz holds up to us a packet of peas labelled: Pea-i AI - Peas with AI].
LIZ:
Al-powered peas harness the potential of your peas
JANET:
What
LIZ [Now a voiceover as we cut to a whizzy technology diagram of peas all connected by meaningless dotted lines]
Why not take your peas to the next level with Al Peas' new Al tools to power your peas?
[Show a techno diagram of a pea with a label reading 'AI' pointing to a random zone in it]
LIZ:
Each pea has Al in a way we haven't quite worked out yet but it's fine
[Show Janet and Liz now in a Matrix-style world of peas]
LIZ:
With Al peas you can supercharge productivity and make AI work for your peas!
JANET:
What
LIZ:
Shut up
LIZ:
Our game-changing Pea-Al gives you the freedom to unlock the potential of the power of the future of your peas workflow
From opening the bag of peas
to boiling the peas
to eating the peas
To spending millions on adding Al to the peas and then having to work out what that even means.
JANET:
Is it really necessary to-
LIZ [Grabbing Janet by the collar]:
THE PEAS HAVE GOT AI, JANET
[Cut to an advert ending screen, with the bag of peas and the slogan:
AI PEAS: Just 'Peas' for god's sake buy the AI peas.
[Ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreiayqa37f7kik7l7s7fbtfp2sir5ckb662ry2lylinyjrfa2rkvvka@jpeg)
Reposted by Jo Mills
![Comic. [Person sitting at desk with laptop with machine labeled E-21 making “click click” noises on the floor behind] VOICE FROM LAPTOP: Hey all! Does your E-21 humidifier make an annoying clicking noise? Mine did, but I finally figured out that there’s an easy fix, so I made this video in case anyone else… PERSON AT DESK: Oh my god. Yes. *Yes.* [caption] I know there’s more important work in the world, but I feel like these people deserve, at minimum a statue.](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:cz73r7iyiqn26upot4jtjdhk/bafkreifdjde6wgflkeil7kf4kdh3zqk32k55rkljlwu6arzbw557ogbulu@jpeg)
November 5, 2025 at 10:03 PM
Reposted by Jo Mills
Reposted by Jo Mills
If you're a National Trust member, it's that time of year again: Midnight tonight is the deadline. It's a shame people have to keep doing this to keep a toehold on historical truth in this country, but here we are. Voting link: www.nationaltrust.org.uk/who-we-are/a...
![[Scene is the entrance cabin to a NATIONAL TRUST PROPERTY AND GARDENS]
1
NATIONAL TRUST EMPLOYEE [inside cabin]:
Hello there
2
[A young family - two parents two kids - have arrived at the front desk].
DAD:
Hi - do you have an activity trail, for the kids?
3
NT EMPLOYEE:
Of course – you’re just in time for the Autumn Gammon Trail!
4
MUM:
That sounds fun, doesn’t it kids?
5
NT EMPLOYEE [handing an activity sheet and pencils to the kids]:
Every autumn, the Reform Trust gammons flock back to the National Trust for the AGM. Just follow the trail round the grounds, and see how many you can spot!
6
NT EMPLOYEE [hearing something in the gardens]:
Listen - that's their call
[Calls emanating from the landscape]:
tut-tut
woke-woke
7
NT EMPLOYEE [showing the family an apparently empty fenced enclosure with some bushes in]:
They are extremely sensitive and fragile...
But you can bring them out of hiding if you put a little sign down mentioning slavery.
8
KIDS [pointing]:
There they are!
[Some little red faced PEOPLE wearing Barbour jackets and gilets emerge cautiously from the bushes. They are creeping towards a TINY SIGN in the middle of the enclosure].
[Little people noises]:
woke-woke
tut-tut
woke-woke
9
[Close-up of the TINY SIGN - we can read that it says]:
Slavery had a bit to do with building this massive house.
[Noises from the little people again as they inspect the tiny sign]:
tut-tut
woke-woke
10
MUM [pointing]:
What's that one doing there?
NT EMPLOYEE:
Oh, that's so sweet…
11
[We see that one of the people is sat on a rock, with a little laptop open on a tree stump, and they are furiously typing away].
NT EMPLOYEE:
I think he's writing a column for the Daily Telegraph…
12
[We see close up to the little person’s screen, it is a word document reading]:
Are National Trust scones secretly WOKE?
[ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreib7lt736b6rmzinml5s7kxjdaapo2a36xp4d4lssypimx3taqicdm@jpeg)
October 31, 2025 at 9:02 AM
If you're a National Trust member, it's that time of year again: Midnight tonight is the deadline. It's a shame people have to keep doing this to keep a toehold on historical truth in this country, but here we are. Voting link: www.nationaltrust.org.uk/who-we-are/a...
Point 9 - their samples melted. Of all the days you'd be looking forward to receiving evidence for your case, you choose the hottest day of the year.
Fans of VAT food and drink cases will enjoy this decision, where the Tax Tribunal was entertained with two days of argument on whether Ferrero Nutella chocolate biscuits (pictured) are “covered in chocolate”. caselaw.nationalarchives.gov.uk/ukftt/tc/202....
October 28, 2025 at 7:31 PM
Point 9 - their samples melted. Of all the days you'd be looking forward to receiving evidence for your case, you choose the hottest day of the year.
Reposted by Jo Mills
Boxes of Roses and Whiskas for kittens,
Discounts on kettles and M&S mittens
That lovely young man who sang "fried onion rings"
I think non white people can advertise things
Discounts on kettles and M&S mittens
That lovely young man who sang "fried onion rings"
I think non white people can advertise things
October 26, 2025 at 9:04 AM
Boxes of Roses and Whiskas for kittens,
Discounts on kettles and M&S mittens
That lovely young man who sang "fried onion rings"
I think non white people can advertise things
Discounts on kettles and M&S mittens
That lovely young man who sang "fried onion rings"
I think non white people can advertise things
Reposted by Jo Mills
This is one of those "huh, this all looks fairly ordinary, I don;t see what...oh fucking hell" things, like a far, far worse version of those Rightmove listings where a semi in Dunstable turns out to show the word SLAG painted on the shed.
Open the page. Scroll down to the timeline. Go through the timeline.
It’s… shocking
It’s… shocking
The White House Building
Every president since John Adams has occupied the White House, and the history of this building extends far beyond the construction of its walls. From the Ground Floor Corridor rooms, transformed from...
www.whitehouse.gov
October 24, 2025 at 3:58 PM
This is one of those "huh, this all looks fairly ordinary, I don;t see what...oh fucking hell" things, like a far, far worse version of those Rightmove listings where a semi in Dunstable turns out to show the word SLAG painted on the shed.
This reminds me of the thread (I hope it was here, but it might have been in the last days of twitter) from the person who had a dog who used to 'go to work' in her home office with her, and when the dog passed their other dog who'd never done it and had been a rescue took over the role
Well, if you want a good cry about a sweet doggo, this will definitely cause that. Gonna be right back as I have to sob for a while
October 23, 2025 at 6:32 PM
This reminds me of the thread (I hope it was here, but it might have been in the last days of twitter) from the person who had a dog who used to 'go to work' in her home office with her, and when the dog passed their other dog who'd never done it and had been a rescue took over the role
A 40hr week at national minimum wage of £12.21 an hour is £25,396.80 per year. The Living Wage Foundation calculates the 'real living wage' outside of London is £13.45, so the 40hr week would get you £27,976; and at their London rate £30,784. As if the racism and the cruelty wasn't enough.
Mass deporting millions of people legally living here in order to make the UK "culturally coherent" is "broadly in line" with Conservative party policy, says Kemi Badenoch's spokesman
October 22, 2025 at 7:11 PM
A 40hr week at national minimum wage of £12.21 an hour is £25,396.80 per year. The Living Wage Foundation calculates the 'real living wage' outside of London is £13.45, so the 40hr week would get you £27,976; and at their London rate £30,784. As if the racism and the cruelty wasn't enough.
Reposted by Jo Mills
i see you're doing something online that you have effortlessly done 100,000 times. would you like to use this ai tool? would you like to use this ai tool? would you like to use this ai tool? would you like to use this ai tool? would you like to use this ai tool? would you like to use this ai tool? w
October 20, 2025 at 2:38 PM
i see you're doing something online that you have effortlessly done 100,000 times. would you like to use this ai tool? would you like to use this ai tool? would you like to use this ai tool? would you like to use this ai tool? would you like to use this ai tool? would you like to use this ai tool? w