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(my enemy's gun clicks, out of ammo)
me (on the ground with my limbs caught in four different bear traps): seems we've arrived at a stalemate
me (on the ground with my limbs caught in four different bear traps): seems we've arrived at a stalemate
January 28, 2024 at 7:53 AM
(my enemy's gun clicks, out of ammo)
me (on the ground with my limbs caught in four different bear traps): seems we've arrived at a stalemate
me (on the ground with my limbs caught in four different bear traps): seems we've arrived at a stalemate
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Saying "sorry" when apologizing:
- cliché
- uninspired
- bourgeois
Saying "Balenciaga" when apologizing:
- volatile
- befuddling
- érotique
- cliché
- uninspired
- bourgeois
Saying "Balenciaga" when apologizing:
- volatile
- befuddling
- érotique
October 28, 2025 at 7:33 PM
Saying "sorry" when apologizing:
- cliché
- uninspired
- bourgeois
Saying "Balenciaga" when apologizing:
- volatile
- befuddling
- érotique
- cliché
- uninspired
- bourgeois
Saying "Balenciaga" when apologizing:
- volatile
- befuddling
- érotique
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This is some of the hardest shit I've seen in my life
August 28, 2025 at 6:42 AM
This is some of the hardest shit I've seen in my life
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The same guy who voiced Tony the Tiger did the song about how bad the Grinch is and that’s not all that interesting except I don’t think a Tiger should have the right to insult the Grinch like that. The Grinch is a higher life form
October 12, 2025 at 4:51 PM
The same guy who voiced Tony the Tiger did the song about how bad the Grinch is and that’s not all that interesting except I don’t think a Tiger should have the right to insult the Grinch like that. The Grinch is a higher life form
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its shoe beans tuesday
October 7, 2025 at 5:03 PM
its shoe beans tuesday
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this is what they called me after i hit all those guys named brant with hammers
October 8, 2025 at 12:38 AM
this is what they called me after i hit all those guys named brant with hammers
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(Leading him to the Sphinx) Yeah, it’s like a trivia night
April 26, 2024 at 7:31 PM
(Leading him to the Sphinx) Yeah, it’s like a trivia night
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![david attenborough: [mumbling] skip. i dont like this animal. skip it.](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:ciyivse6vsi273tcz6w2nvep/bafkreiecd7yhh3uj7oihhdzio5aieagmvl7ef3fdwpysgtkc2ssyiblhsa@jpeg)
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imagine ur having the best sex of ur entire life with the most beautiful woman on earth and she starts going “ahh fuck ahh gawrsh a-hyuck-hyuck i’m gonna blow yaaaaaaa hoo hoo hooeyyyy!!!”
i need to start practicing a goofy impression dawg imagine ur like right in the middle of having sex and you just pull out an uncannily good goofy impression that would be so cool
August 15, 2025 at 11:44 PM
imagine ur having the best sex of ur entire life with the most beautiful woman on earth and she starts going “ahh fuck ahh gawrsh a-hyuck-hyuck i’m gonna blow yaaaaaaa hoo hoo hooeyyyy!!!”
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fair enough but have u considered becoming peerless. have u considered becoming unrivaled in all the world
August 6, 2024 at 12:09 AM
fair enough but have u considered becoming peerless. have u considered becoming unrivaled in all the world
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Pilot: *over intercom* Folks, ever wake up with a feeling of dread? Like something bad is going to happen? Idk, probably nothing. Anyway, let’s get this bird in the air
June 27, 2025 at 5:46 AM
Pilot: *over intercom* Folks, ever wake up with a feeling of dread? Like something bad is going to happen? Idk, probably nothing. Anyway, let’s get this bird in the air
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i showed you my obelisk please respond
June 28, 2025 at 8:22 PM
i showed you my obelisk please respond
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OMG! TOO CUTE??? ❤️ Scientists taught rats to drive tiny cars and found that even when they didn't give them treats, they would still intentionally get into car crashes for the purpose of sexual gratification
June 19, 2025 at 12:17 PM
OMG! TOO CUTE??? ❤️ Scientists taught rats to drive tiny cars and found that even when they didn't give them treats, they would still intentionally get into car crashes for the purpose of sexual gratification
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(browsing the menu at the hardware store) your tellin me a needle knew these pliers
June 10, 2025 at 8:09 AM
(browsing the menu at the hardware store) your tellin me a needle knew these pliers
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preordered my nintendo switch 2 and instead of a switch 2 the box contained a bag of dirt with the word PUTO on it
June 4, 2025 at 10:29 PM
preordered my nintendo switch 2 and instead of a switch 2 the box contained a bag of dirt with the word PUTO on it
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if you get a stomach bug, you might be excited that you can lose a few pounds quickly. but be wary, that's your body's natural diarrhea weight. once you recover, your body will rebuild its strategic reserve of diarrhea
June 4, 2025 at 11:16 PM
if you get a stomach bug, you might be excited that you can lose a few pounds quickly. but be wary, that's your body's natural diarrhea weight. once you recover, your body will rebuild its strategic reserve of diarrhea
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Manager: Sir! We have a problem! Our line cook just dropped a shoe in the fryer!!
Colonel Sanders, still euphoric from the meatless chicken rollout: LET IT RIDE!!
Colonel Sanders, still euphoric from the meatless chicken rollout: LET IT RIDE!!
May 19, 2025 at 10:07 PM
Manager: Sir! We have a problem! Our line cook just dropped a shoe in the fryer!!
Colonel Sanders, still euphoric from the meatless chicken rollout: LET IT RIDE!!
Colonel Sanders, still euphoric from the meatless chicken rollout: LET IT RIDE!!
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wife: how was guarding the two paths today, honey?
guard: [looking away] fine
wife: did something happen?
guard: [tearing up] no
wife: would the other guard tell me something happened?
guard: [looking away] fine
wife: did something happen?
guard: [tearing up] no
wife: would the other guard tell me something happened?
May 18, 2025 at 9:13 PM
wife: how was guarding the two paths today, honey?
guard: [looking away] fine
wife: did something happen?
guard: [tearing up] no
wife: would the other guard tell me something happened?
guard: [looking away] fine
wife: did something happen?
guard: [tearing up] no
wife: would the other guard tell me something happened?
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that's enough death of the author, time now for death of the reader
May 8, 2025 at 3:49 PM
that's enough death of the author, time now for death of the reader
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Stop using Google Maps and get lost on a road trip like god intended
April 23, 2025 at 5:32 PM
Stop using Google Maps and get lost on a road trip like god intended
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His greed sickens me
March 19, 2025 at 1:59 AM
His greed sickens me
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Q: Now do pay attention 007...this may look like an ordinary Pepsi bottle, but you will need to piss in it during your thirteen hours shift in the warehouse, as order fulfillment must take precedence to any bathroom break.
BOND (archly): How refreshing. The taste of a new generation, indeed.
BOND (archly): How refreshing. The taste of a new generation, indeed.
February 20, 2025 at 4:26 PM
Q: Now do pay attention 007...this may look like an ordinary Pepsi bottle, but you will need to piss in it during your thirteen hours shift in the warehouse, as order fulfillment must take precedence to any bathroom break.
BOND (archly): How refreshing. The taste of a new generation, indeed.
BOND (archly): How refreshing. The taste of a new generation, indeed.