Schmrrrrrrrlex
@schmrrrlex.bsky.social
mouldering lump of organic matter trapped in a series of social media accounts with diminishing returns
Pinned
Schmrrrrrrrlex
@schmrrrlex.bsky.social
· Dec 28
schrödinger:
cat with a gun: I said get in the box
cat with a gun: I said get in the box
Reposted by Schmrrrrrrrlex
H.P. Lovecraft: Your limited human mind cannot comprehend Cthulhu
Me: (comprehending easily) Squid guy
Me: (comprehending easily) Squid guy
October 1, 2023 at 5:23 PM
H.P. Lovecraft: Your limited human mind cannot comprehend Cthulhu
Me: (comprehending easily) Squid guy
Me: (comprehending easily) Squid guy
Reposted by Schmrrrrrrrlex
Mechanic [sliding out from under Optimus Prime]: I think I see what the issue is. This truck is also a big guy somehow
November 18, 2025 at 3:48 PM
Mechanic [sliding out from under Optimus Prime]: I think I see what the issue is. This truck is also a big guy somehow
Reposted by Schmrrrrrrrlex
friend i haven't seen in 3 years: yo what's up man
me: i saw an air conditioner fall on a guy's head
friend: did it kill him
me: yeah completely i gotta go good seeing you
me: i saw an air conditioner fall on a guy's head
friend: did it kill him
me: yeah completely i gotta go good seeing you
November 17, 2025 at 7:42 PM
friend i haven't seen in 3 years: yo what's up man
me: i saw an air conditioner fall on a guy's head
friend: did it kill him
me: yeah completely i gotta go good seeing you
me: i saw an air conditioner fall on a guy's head
friend: did it kill him
me: yeah completely i gotta go good seeing you
Reposted by Schmrrrrrrrlex
BREAKING: scientists have mapped 97% of the DNA from the burger king long chicken sandwich. the results will both terrify and nourish you
November 14, 2025 at 10:58 PM
BREAKING: scientists have mapped 97% of the DNA from the burger king long chicken sandwich. the results will both terrify and nourish you
me: I love this song
my kid: I don't, it's too sad
me: sad songs are wonderful. there's something sad inside all of us, and the music speaks to that part of you
kid: doesn't that make you sadder
me: yes
kid: so you just like being sad
me: oh no it's the worst
my kid: I don't, it's too sad
me: sad songs are wonderful. there's something sad inside all of us, and the music speaks to that part of you
kid: doesn't that make you sadder
me: yes
kid: so you just like being sad
me: oh no it's the worst
November 3, 2025 at 3:51 PM
me: I love this song
my kid: I don't, it's too sad
me: sad songs are wonderful. there's something sad inside all of us, and the music speaks to that part of you
kid: doesn't that make you sadder
me: yes
kid: so you just like being sad
me: oh no it's the worst
my kid: I don't, it's too sad
me: sad songs are wonderful. there's something sad inside all of us, and the music speaks to that part of you
kid: doesn't that make you sadder
me: yes
kid: so you just like being sad
me: oh no it's the worst
Reposted by Schmrrrrrrrlex
Me kicking an ice cube under the fridge: 🫤
The tiny people under the fridge that live off of them: God has blessed us once more! The famine is over!
Man holding his dying child: Please, my son needs first call!
Snarling merchant: Your family’s had their time on the cube!
The tiny people under the fridge that live off of them: God has blessed us once more! The famine is over!
Man holding his dying child: Please, my son needs first call!
Snarling merchant: Your family’s had their time on the cube!
May 5, 2025 at 6:01 PM
Me kicking an ice cube under the fridge: 🫤
The tiny people under the fridge that live off of them: God has blessed us once more! The famine is over!
Man holding his dying child: Please, my son needs first call!
Snarling merchant: Your family’s had their time on the cube!
The tiny people under the fridge that live off of them: God has blessed us once more! The famine is over!
Man holding his dying child: Please, my son needs first call!
Snarling merchant: Your family’s had their time on the cube!
Reposted by Schmrrrrrrrlex
[repeating myself louder in the haunted house attraction] did the dracula throw water on anyone else’s pants??
October 27, 2025 at 8:17 PM
[repeating myself louder in the haunted house attraction] did the dracula throw water on anyone else’s pants??
Just listen to this. D'Angelo took neo-soul to a level of originality and perfect execution that can stand with anything in popular music. RIP
D'Angelo and The Vanguard - Really Love (Audio)
YouTube video by DAngeloVEVO
www.youtube.com
October 14, 2025 at 5:30 PM
Just listen to this. D'Angelo took neo-soul to a level of originality and perfect execution that can stand with anything in popular music. RIP
just hear me out: thrice baked potato
October 11, 2025 at 12:42 AM
just hear me out: thrice baked potato
Therapist: tell me something exciting that happened to you this week
Me: well, McDonald’s has a new breakfast sandwich
Therapist:
Me: it has two sausage patties and bacon
Therapist:
Me: also two slices of cheese, I think
Therapist:
Me: why do you look so sad
Me: well, McDonald’s has a new breakfast sandwich
Therapist:
Me: it has two sausage patties and bacon
Therapist:
Me: also two slices of cheese, I think
Therapist:
Me: why do you look so sad
October 10, 2025 at 11:23 PM
Therapist: tell me something exciting that happened to you this week
Me: well, McDonald’s has a new breakfast sandwich
Therapist:
Me: it has two sausage patties and bacon
Therapist:
Me: also two slices of cheese, I think
Therapist:
Me: why do you look so sad
Me: well, McDonald’s has a new breakfast sandwich
Therapist:
Me: it has two sausage patties and bacon
Therapist:
Me: also two slices of cheese, I think
Therapist:
Me: why do you look so sad
c'mon son, you've been in there for 45 minutes. there are other people in this house who need to use the shower to hide from a nightmarish reality I can no longer accept
October 9, 2025 at 1:46 AM
c'mon son, you've been in there for 45 minutes. there are other people in this house who need to use the shower to hide from a nightmarish reality I can no longer accept
Jerry Garcia: 🎶 got a wife in Chino babe and one in Cherokee. first one says she got my child, but it don't look like me 🎶
My Wife: see? it's not that strange. sometimes kids just look like that minor league baseball player I used to date for no reason
My Wife: see? it's not that strange. sometimes kids just look like that minor league baseball player I used to date for no reason
October 4, 2025 at 8:45 PM
Jerry Garcia: 🎶 got a wife in Chino babe and one in Cherokee. first one says she got my child, but it don't look like me 🎶
My Wife: see? it's not that strange. sometimes kids just look like that minor league baseball player I used to date for no reason
My Wife: see? it's not that strange. sometimes kids just look like that minor league baseball player I used to date for no reason
Reposted by Schmrrrrrrrlex
The skeleton weeps as the guilty verdict is read out. "Now as to your sentence," the judge says, as heavy flesh begins to envelop the condemned.
April 15, 2025 at 1:48 PM
The skeleton weeps as the guilty verdict is read out. "Now as to your sentence," the judge says, as heavy flesh begins to envelop the condemned.
Reposted by Schmrrrrrrrlex
[at my second rodeo] listen up you ignorant sack of shit
September 26, 2025 at 12:40 PM
[at my second rodeo] listen up you ignorant sack of shit
Reposted by Schmrrrrrrrlex
Too late, Batman. Once this Tylenol floods the city's water supply, my wiki won't run out of editors ever again
September 22, 2025 at 9:54 PM
Too late, Batman. Once this Tylenol floods the city's water supply, my wiki won't run out of editors ever again
every ancient aliens host:
the giant stones at Aramacaradingdong raise profound questions. are they the product of an advanced technology? or perhaps even visitors from beyond the stars? how could ancient humans, who were fucking morons pissing and shitting all over themselves, ever make big rock?
the giant stones at Aramacaradingdong raise profound questions. are they the product of an advanced technology? or perhaps even visitors from beyond the stars? how could ancient humans, who were fucking morons pissing and shitting all over themselves, ever make big rock?
September 22, 2025 at 3:13 PM
every ancient aliens host:
the giant stones at Aramacaradingdong raise profound questions. are they the product of an advanced technology? or perhaps even visitors from beyond the stars? how could ancient humans, who were fucking morons pissing and shitting all over themselves, ever make big rock?
the giant stones at Aramacaradingdong raise profound questions. are they the product of an advanced technology? or perhaps even visitors from beyond the stars? how could ancient humans, who were fucking morons pissing and shitting all over themselves, ever make big rock?
Reposted by Schmrrrrrrrlex
What's your secret to being online all the time without contracting computer madness? For me it's being pure of heart
September 13, 2025 at 4:11 AM
What's your secret to being online all the time without contracting computer madness? For me it's being pure of heart
if the Tin Man hadn't shown up with a whole crew the Wizard would have yanked the gears out of his head and worn his body like a suit of armor
September 12, 2025 at 2:58 PM
if the Tin Man hadn't shown up with a whole crew the Wizard would have yanked the gears out of his head and worn his body like a suit of armor
Reposted by Schmrrrrrrrlex
When you're floating up in an abduction ray it's like you have all the time in your world to wonder "is this a notification"
September 6, 2025 at 5:12 PM
When you're floating up in an abduction ray it's like you have all the time in your world to wonder "is this a notification"
telling Ronald McDonald "leave the gloves on" as I close the restroom door behind us
September 7, 2025 at 1:28 AM
telling Ronald McDonald "leave the gloves on" as I close the restroom door behind us
Reposted by Schmrrrrrrrlex
you're drinking too much milk
"I doubt that"
[doctor pointing at xray] this area here is all milk
"I doubt that"
[doctor pointing at xray] this area here is all milk
September 7, 2025 at 1:05 AM
you're drinking too much milk
"I doubt that"
[doctor pointing at xray] this area here is all milk
"I doubt that"
[doctor pointing at xray] this area here is all milk
Reposted by Schmrrrrrrrlex
Me: Can I have one of those blue milkshakes that symbolizes Grimace’s blood?
McDonalds Cashier: (offended) We believe every beverage symbolizes Grimace’s blood
McDonalds Cashier: (offended) We believe every beverage symbolizes Grimace’s blood
September 6, 2025 at 11:28 PM
Me: Can I have one of those blue milkshakes that symbolizes Grimace’s blood?
McDonalds Cashier: (offended) We believe every beverage symbolizes Grimace’s blood
McDonalds Cashier: (offended) We believe every beverage symbolizes Grimace’s blood
scientist: this test will determine whether a person is a psychopath
*hands me a plain rice cake*
me: *eats the entire cake. achingly slow. no expression*
scientist: total psycho
*hands me a plain rice cake*
me: *eats the entire cake. achingly slow. no expression*
scientist: total psycho
September 3, 2025 at 5:48 AM
scientist: this test will determine whether a person is a psychopath
*hands me a plain rice cake*
me: *eats the entire cake. achingly slow. no expression*
scientist: total psycho
*hands me a plain rice cake*
me: *eats the entire cake. achingly slow. no expression*
scientist: total psycho
never forget what they took from us
August 31, 2025 at 9:31 PM
never forget what they took from us
Reposted by Schmrrrrrrrlex
[being murdered]
murderer: (murdering) what are you doing on your phone
me: (putting away phone) my bad what's up what's going on
murderer: (murdering) what are you doing on your phone
me: (putting away phone) my bad what's up what's going on
August 30, 2025 at 9:04 PM
[being murdered]
murderer: (murdering) what are you doing on your phone
me: (putting away phone) my bad what's up what's going on
murderer: (murdering) what are you doing on your phone
me: (putting away phone) my bad what's up what's going on