Pinned
russell
@russbhere.bsky.social
· Nov 18
me: i know you are but what am i
police officer, now under arrest: shit
police officer, now under arrest: shit
Reposted by russell
sure Hulk smash, but does he cuddle afterwards
January 13, 2026 at 7:50 PM
sure Hulk smash, but does he cuddle afterwards
Reposted by russell
I may not be beautiful on the outside but inside I look like pulsating lasagna
January 12, 2026 at 5:06 PM
I may not be beautiful on the outside but inside I look like pulsating lasagna
few things PMO more than when an extrovert claims to be an introvert
January 12, 2026 at 3:11 PM
few things PMO more than when an extrovert claims to be an introvert
Reposted by russell
potholes? you mean road turbulence? ?
January 11, 2026 at 4:45 PM
potholes? you mean road turbulence? ?
Reposted by russell
want to feel old? christmas was two fucking weeks ago
January 10, 2026 at 4:51 AM
want to feel old? christmas was two fucking weeks ago
Reposted by russell
“Damn it, that sounded way funnier in my head.” - me and every tweet I’ve ever written.
November 12, 2024 at 2:42 PM
“Damn it, that sounded way funnier in my head.” - me and every tweet I’ve ever written.
Reposted by russell
Sesame Street never prepared me for any of this
January 8, 2026 at 11:45 AM
Sesame Street never prepared me for any of this
Reposted by russell
Sorry I got confused and yelled “Red rover, red rover!” when your family joined hands to pray before dinner.
January 7, 2026 at 11:34 PM
Sorry I got confused and yelled “Red rover, red rover!” when your family joined hands to pray before dinner.
Reposted by russell
We’re currently in that section of the history book with a map and bunch of arrows all over it
January 8, 2026 at 1:46 PM
We’re currently in that section of the history book with a map and bunch of arrows all over it
do neither as i say nor as i do. take my life as a cautionary tale
January 8, 2026 at 3:02 PM
do neither as i say nor as i do. take my life as a cautionary tale
Reposted by russell
Interviewer: Your resume lists one of your skills as “planning evil events.” That’s a typo, right? Don’t you mean “live events”?
Me: [slowly rubbing my hands together] If you prefer.
Me: [slowly rubbing my hands together] If you prefer.
October 4, 2025 at 3:27 PM
Interviewer: Your resume lists one of your skills as “planning evil events.” That’s a typo, right? Don’t you mean “live events”?
Me: [slowly rubbing my hands together] If you prefer.
Me: [slowly rubbing my hands together] If you prefer.
Reposted by russell
I’m drunk with power, minus the power.
January 3, 2026 at 12:20 AM
I’m drunk with power, minus the power.
me watching a movie where two characters are madly in love “one of em’s gonna die aren’t they”
January 4, 2026 at 1:41 AM
me watching a movie where two characters are madly in love “one of em’s gonna die aren’t they”
Reposted by russell
Mother
F u c k e r
F u c k e r
December 28, 2025 at 1:19 AM
Mother
F u c k e r
F u c k e r
Reposted by russell
paint me like one of the made up scenarios in your head
November 23, 2025 at 7:19 AM
paint me like one of the made up scenarios in your head
Reposted by russell
can’t stop won’t stop (laying down)
December 17, 2025 at 7:33 PM
can’t stop won’t stop (laying down)
Reposted by russell
There's no way that's all Mariah Carey wants for Christmas
December 13, 2025 at 1:24 PM
There's no way that's all Mariah Carey wants for Christmas
Reposted by russell
they should make a sandwich bag that’s big enough to hold a sandwich
September 12, 2025 at 8:34 PM
they should make a sandwich bag that’s big enough to hold a sandwich
Reposted by russell
Murder, She Passive Aggressively Hinted
June 12, 2025 at 1:38 AM
Murder, She Passive Aggressively Hinted
Reposted by russell
have your emergency contact call my emergency contact
December 10, 2025 at 11:12 AM
have your emergency contact call my emergency contact
Reposted by russell
no one would mess with me if they knew how many probiotics i have ingested
December 9, 2025 at 12:12 PM
no one would mess with me if they knew how many probiotics i have ingested
nature should spice things up with a beautiful deadly poisonous butterfly
December 9, 2025 at 7:34 PM
nature should spice things up with a beautiful deadly poisonous butterfly
Reposted by russell
"I'll burn down your house" - legally actionable, boring, common
"I told the trees about you" - legally acceptable, foreboding, unsettling, the plants know your name and hate you
"I told the trees about you" - legally acceptable, foreboding, unsettling, the plants know your name and hate you
December 7, 2025 at 11:56 PM
"I'll burn down your house" - legally actionable, boring, common
"I told the trees about you" - legally acceptable, foreboding, unsettling, the plants know your name and hate you
"I told the trees about you" - legally acceptable, foreboding, unsettling, the plants know your name and hate you
Reposted by russell
I don't want tea to be soothing, I need it to make me sharper, more vengeful.
October 11, 2024 at 12:25 AM
I don't want tea to be soothing, I need it to make me sharper, more vengeful.