Avogadro's House of Blues
plasticsoup.bsky.social
Avogadro's House of Blues
@plasticsoup.bsky.social
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[at strip club]

Can we we sing happy birthday to my mom after this song?

DJ: No problem, she’s up next.
February 1, 2025 at 2:28 PM
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How do I make eating Cheetos on webcam sound professional on my LinkedIn?
February 2, 2025 at 1:34 AM
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S&M Foods

“I beat myself up.” - eggs

“Tie me up.” - rib roast

“I whip myself.” - cream

“I crack open.” - nuts

“Tenderize me.” - steak

“I love battering.” - pancakes

“I bruise easily.” peaches
February 2, 2025 at 2:26 AM
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Four bottles of red wine broke open and spilled all over the white carpet. Your spouse will return to the living room in ten minutes.

Solve for X.
February 2, 2025 at 2:45 AM
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There is no dignified way to explain that I spread peanut butter on glazed donuts for breakfast.
February 2, 2025 at 2:51 AM
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Just over here existing, dreaming on a life.
February 2, 2025 at 2:10 AM
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Finger bang me out in the alley and make the raccoons jealous
February 2, 2025 at 2:36 AM
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canadian prostitutes are called mounties
February 1, 2025 at 11:46 PM
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What fresh hell is this? I prefer my hell dry aged for 30 days.
February 1, 2025 at 5:22 PM
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him: love is in the air
me: that’s bleach
January 7, 2025 at 10:48 PM
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Do I also get a midlife crisis or does this full life crisis take precedence
February 1, 2025 at 10:39 PM
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i’m considering using profanity but in spanish. sounds sexier and unforgettable.
January 15, 2025 at 1:31 PM
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Came for the wine moms, stayed for the butthole skeets.
February 1, 2025 at 10:35 PM
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This is now a butthole skeets appreciation account.
February 1, 2025 at 11:29 PM
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I'd like to be alone now please sign out.
February 1, 2025 at 11:40 PM
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guidance counselor: so what do you want to do with your life

me: i guess post online and stuff

guidance counselor: (putting on glasses and taking out notepad) do you know how to make money doing that
February 1, 2025 at 9:07 PM
"Please be careful. These are my favorite dress pants" I caution the dry cleaner.

"Yeah, sure thing, $10.50" he says as he crumples them into a ball and throws them into a bag with god knows whos other pants.
February 1, 2025 at 9:41 PM
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(God creating a werewolf)

God: once a month he’ll transition from human to murderous hound, terrorize villages, gut livestock & kill young lovers in the full moonlight. His howl will chill the flesh of even the bravest soul

Angel: the rest of the time?

God: just like, the nicest guy u can imagine
January 29, 2025 at 9:38 AM
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Charlie Brown's Six Stages of Grief:
1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance
6. Good
January 31, 2025 at 1:48 AM
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Amazon Fulfillment Center: How can we help?

Me: I need fulfillment

AFC: Fulfillment is something you work for. It doesn't come overnight.

Me: I'M A PRIME MEMBER
January 31, 2025 at 6:13 PM
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Tim: This is Tim from accounting

Me: Hi Tim from accounting

Tim: Just say Tim

Me. Tim

Tim: How are you today?

Me: Tim
February 1, 2025 at 7:29 AM
"seasoned butthole"
You guys do that one yet?
February 1, 2025 at 9:34 PM