Pinned
You know that scene in every werewolf movie where a dude wakes up confused, naked, and covered in blood next to a deer carcass? I do that with Chinese takeout.
Reposted by Jay
i don't see why they can't do all the track and field events at both olympics. put a coat on
February 7, 2026 at 1:21 PM
i don't see why they can't do all the track and field events at both olympics. put a coat on
Reposted by Jay
[bursts into liquor store]
oh no I’m remembering things, please help
oh no I’m remembering things, please help
February 7, 2026 at 1:05 AM
[bursts into liquor store]
oh no I’m remembering things, please help
oh no I’m remembering things, please help
Reposted by Jay
So, first of all, of course it was Trump.
But even if they were telling the truth, "We give staffers who post videos of the Obamas as apes access to the agenda-setting, decree-sending, market-moving account of the president of the United States" is not the exculpatory statement they think it is.
But even if they were telling the truth, "We give staffers who post videos of the Obamas as apes access to the agenda-setting, decree-sending, market-moving account of the president of the United States" is not the exculpatory statement they think it is.
February 6, 2026 at 5:36 PM
So, first of all, of course it was Trump.
But even if they were telling the truth, "We give staffers who post videos of the Obamas as apes access to the agenda-setting, decree-sending, market-moving account of the president of the United States" is not the exculpatory statement they think it is.
But even if they were telling the truth, "We give staffers who post videos of the Obamas as apes access to the agenda-setting, decree-sending, market-moving account of the president of the United States" is not the exculpatory statement they think it is.
Reposted by Jay
[wife holding box of mac & cheese] the powder packet is missing, weird
[me holding large glass of what looks like orange milk] that is weird
[me holding large glass of what looks like orange milk] that is weird
February 3, 2026 at 9:29 PM
[wife holding box of mac & cheese] the powder packet is missing, weird
[me holding large glass of what looks like orange milk] that is weird
[me holding large glass of what looks like orange milk] that is weird
Reposted by Jay
get your valentine a necklace with all the genitals
February 5, 2026 at 3:48 PM
get your valentine a necklace with all the genitals
Reposted by Jay
*Google gemini prompt pops up*
February 2, 2026 at 7:46 AM
*Google gemini prompt pops up*
Reposted by Jay
I don’t consider myself an avid reader but boy do I love reading too much into things
February 3, 2026 at 4:27 PM
I don’t consider myself an avid reader but boy do I love reading too much into things
Reposted by Jay
ZOOKEEPER: So our last snake is our yellow Burmese python
ME: *way too loud* A bananaconda
ZOOKEEPER: *pulling out his tazer* look away kids
ME: *way too loud* A bananaconda
ZOOKEEPER: *pulling out his tazer* look away kids
February 3, 2026 at 7:12 PM
ZOOKEEPER: So our last snake is our yellow Burmese python
ME: *way too loud* A bananaconda
ZOOKEEPER: *pulling out his tazer* look away kids
ME: *way too loud* A bananaconda
ZOOKEEPER: *pulling out his tazer* look away kids
Reposted by Jay
[opens rat poison]
ROUND AND ROUND
me: whoa
EVERY ROSE HAS IT'S THORN
me: wtf
ROUND AND ROUND
me: whoa
EVERY ROSE HAS IT'S THORN
me: wtf
February 4, 2026 at 4:23 AM
[opens rat poison]
ROUND AND ROUND
me: whoa
EVERY ROSE HAS IT'S THORN
me: wtf
ROUND AND ROUND
me: whoa
EVERY ROSE HAS IT'S THORN
me: wtf
If 18 year old me knew how excited 50 year old me is with my new laundry room trashcan he’d beat my fucking ass. Probably the trashcan’s ass too.
February 6, 2026 at 12:57 AM
If 18 year old me knew how excited 50 year old me is with my new laundry room trashcan he’d beat my fucking ass. Probably the trashcan’s ass too.
i’ll make tacos on a wednesday idgaf
February 3, 2026 at 7:50 PM
i’ll make tacos on a wednesday idgaf
Reposted by Jay
i'm going to simmer that rotten little weasel with mirepoix, red wine and waxy potatoes
PUNXSUTAWNEY, Pa. (AP) — Punxsutawney Phil is said to have seen his shadow, predicting 6 more weeks of winter weather.
February 2, 2026 at 1:20 PM
i'm going to simmer that rotten little weasel with mirepoix, red wine and waxy potatoes
Calling my HOA to report my neighbor’s untrimmed nose hair.
February 2, 2026 at 6:48 PM
Calling my HOA to report my neighbor’s untrimmed nose hair.
Reposted by Jay
dad was an abusive piece of shit, but he was brilliant at insults, he once told me that he envisioned me being the grand marshal of a failure pride parade hahahahaaa this is why I post jokes and self medicate
January 31, 2026 at 3:53 AM
dad was an abusive piece of shit, but he was brilliant at insults, he once told me that he envisioned me being the grand marshal of a failure pride parade hahahahaaa this is why I post jokes and self medicate
Reposted by Jay
when the guys from Coldpay get a tapeworm they have para, para, parasites
January 30, 2026 at 8:22 PM
when the guys from Coldpay get a tapeworm they have para, para, parasites
Reposted by Jay
next week i’m getting a fancy new butthole so if you see me screaming in pain please also scream in pain with me but like in a deferent “you have the fanciest butthole now” way
January 26, 2026 at 8:12 PM
next week i’m getting a fancy new butthole so if you see me screaming in pain please also scream in pain with me but like in a deferent “you have the fanciest butthole now” way
Reposted by Jay
You: [checks driveway]
You: [locks doors]
You: [checks house to make sure you're alone]
You: [opens a bottle of wine]
Me: [rolls out from under couch] WHAT WE CLASSY MUTHAFUCKAS CELEBRATIN’
You: [locks doors]
You: [checks house to make sure you're alone]
You: [opens a bottle of wine]
Me: [rolls out from under couch] WHAT WE CLASSY MUTHAFUCKAS CELEBRATIN’
February 1, 2026 at 2:02 AM
You: [checks driveway]
You: [locks doors]
You: [checks house to make sure you're alone]
You: [opens a bottle of wine]
Me: [rolls out from under couch] WHAT WE CLASSY MUTHAFUCKAS CELEBRATIN’
You: [locks doors]
You: [checks house to make sure you're alone]
You: [opens a bottle of wine]
Me: [rolls out from under couch] WHAT WE CLASSY MUTHAFUCKAS CELEBRATIN’
Reposted by Jay
They should invent a Sunday that isn’t depressing
July 14, 2025 at 3:40 AM
They should invent a Sunday that isn’t depressing
Reposted by Jay
Patience thinner than Paulie’s garlic slices in Goodfellas
September 15, 2025 at 4:46 AM
Patience thinner than Paulie’s garlic slices in Goodfellas
Reposted by Jay
Not shaved, not natural, but a secret third thing (crop circles)
January 28, 2026 at 2:51 AM
Not shaved, not natural, but a secret third thing (crop circles)
You know that scene in every werewolf movie where a dude wakes up confused, naked, and covered in blood next to a deer carcass? I do that with Chinese takeout.
February 2, 2026 at 6:59 AM
You know that scene in every werewolf movie where a dude wakes up confused, naked, and covered in blood next to a deer carcass? I do that with Chinese takeout.
Reposted by Jay
Some people tell you to eat shit and die, but I ask only that you eat shit. Once you have eaten shit, I wish you no further harm
February 2, 2026 at 4:41 AM
Some people tell you to eat shit and die, but I ask only that you eat shit. Once you have eaten shit, I wish you no further harm
Reposted by Jay
To everyone who received a book from me as a Christmas present, they are due back at the library tomorrow..
January 31, 2026 at 6:31 PM
To everyone who received a book from me as a Christmas present, they are due back at the library tomorrow..
Reposted by Jay
Part of me appreciates Jeff Bezos spending tens of millions of dollars for Melania to be publicly humiliated.
January 28, 2026 at 4:46 AM
Part of me appreciates Jeff Bezos spending tens of millions of dollars for Melania to be publicly humiliated.
Reposted by Jay
“Melania” is truly the worst experience I’ve had in a theater”
-Abraham Lincoln
-Abraham Lincoln
January 29, 2026 at 2:24 AM
“Melania” is truly the worst experience I’ve had in a theater”
-Abraham Lincoln
-Abraham Lincoln