FauxNewdAlt
@fauxnewdalt.bsky.social
*ALT TEXTS*
pfp: black/white cat face
bp: black/brown/white dog face
~prone to reskeet & delskeet~
(probably)
pfp: black/white cat face
bp: black/brown/white dog face
~prone to reskeet & delskeet~
(probably)
Reposted by FauxNewdAlt
AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH
February 17, 2026 at 12:36 AM
AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH
Reposted by FauxNewdAlt
wife: let’s watch a movie tonight
me: i’ll be home from work by 7:00
wife: we’ll eat, and start it at 8:00
me: sounds good
wife: i’m excited
me: me too!
[8:06]
me: i’ll be home from work by 7:00
wife: we’ll eat, and start it at 8:00
me: sounds good
wife: i’m excited
me: me too!
[8:06]
February 16, 2026 at 10:59 PM
wife: let’s watch a movie tonight
me: i’ll be home from work by 7:00
wife: we’ll eat, and start it at 8:00
me: sounds good
wife: i’m excited
me: me too!
[8:06]
me: i’ll be home from work by 7:00
wife: we’ll eat, and start it at 8:00
me: sounds good
wife: i’m excited
me: me too!
[8:06]
Reposted by FauxNewdAlt
Who called waste excreted by the kidneys urea and not kidney litter?
February 16, 2026 at 11:45 PM
Who called waste excreted by the kidneys urea and not kidney litter?
Reposted by FauxNewdAlt
Is a platypus with an attitude a platitude?
February 16, 2026 at 11:47 PM
Is a platypus with an attitude a platitude?
Reposted by FauxNewdAlt
Me at work: I've gotta remember to do all the things when I get home.
Me at home:
Me at work the next day: I've gotta remember... well, fuck.
Me at home:
Me at work the next day: I've gotta remember... well, fuck.
February 16, 2026 at 11:47 PM
Me at work: I've gotta remember to do all the things when I get home.
Me at home:
Me at work the next day: I've gotta remember... well, fuck.
Me at home:
Me at work the next day: I've gotta remember... well, fuck.
Reposted by FauxNewdAlt
Reposted by FauxNewdAlt
*Sigh*
*bangs head against desk*
*bangs head against desk*
February 16, 2026 at 8:08 PM
*Sigh*
*bangs head against desk*
*bangs head against desk*
Reposted by FauxNewdAlt
Sometimes I don't know wtf is going on around here, but I know I'm not helping
February 16, 2026 at 8:13 PM
Sometimes I don't know wtf is going on around here, but I know I'm not helping
Reposted by FauxNewdAlt
Changed the WiFi name to "your butthole" so now every time someone connects to it, it says, "Now connected to your butthole"
The grandkids are howling.
The grandkids are howling.
February 16, 2026 at 3:21 PM
Changed the WiFi name to "your butthole" so now every time someone connects to it, it says, "Now connected to your butthole"
The grandkids are howling.
The grandkids are howling.
Reposted by FauxNewdAlt
K says:
chocolate-dipped fruit is still healthy
chocolate-dipped fruit is still healthy
February 16, 2026 at 6:18 PM
K says:
chocolate-dipped fruit is still healthy
chocolate-dipped fruit is still healthy
Reposted by FauxNewdAlt
scrolled many years back on my social media posts and I swear some things never change (me posting fudge)
February 16, 2026 at 6:37 PM
scrolled many years back on my social media posts and I swear some things never change (me posting fudge)
Reposted by FauxNewdAlt
It’s your fault I’m like this.
February 16, 2026 at 6:49 PM
It’s your fault I’m like this.
Reposted by FauxNewdAlt
not the first cup, not the second cup, but a stronger third cup of coffee
February 16, 2026 at 7:00 PM
not the first cup, not the second cup, but a stronger third cup of coffee
Reposted by FauxNewdAlt
I guess I should do something....
*keeps scrolling*
*keeps scrolling*
February 16, 2026 at 2:13 PM
I guess I should do something....
*keeps scrolling*
*keeps scrolling*
twerking my way back to you, bidet
February 14, 2026 at 7:20 PM
twerking my way back to you, bidet
freed my mind yet the rest didn’t follow
February 14, 2026 at 1:39 PM
freed my mind yet the rest didn’t follow
can’t rn, drafting a bad punny
February 9, 2026 at 9:54 PM
can’t rn, drafting a bad punny
i draft in your general direction!
February 9, 2026 at 9:04 PM
i draft in your general direction!
*shakes it like a cannabis tincture*
February 9, 2026 at 8:47 PM
*shakes it like a cannabis tincture*