Asstown Baker
@asstownbakery.bsky.social
Asstown resident and owner of the Asstown Bakery. One of these days I will jump through my own asshole. Anxious and sexy. I like fruity people and outdoor showers
Skeets: bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaaonwhdmx2o2
Skeets: bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaaonwhdmx2o2
Reposted by Asstown Baker
I went to open mic night to read your skeets and they booed me offstage
January 3, 2026 at 5:50 AM
I went to open mic night to read your skeets and they booed me offstage
Guys I typed in “having sex with my boyfriend is the greatest ever” into google and AI totally congratulated me and affirmed the positive benefits of that and it felt genuine and not haterish at all lol
January 3, 2026 at 6:27 AM
Guys I typed in “having sex with my boyfriend is the greatest ever” into google and AI totally congratulated me and affirmed the positive benefits of that and it felt genuine and not haterish at all lol
Unfortunately there is nothing new and novel about Dry January for Ben Shapiro’s wife
January 3, 2026 at 5:50 AM
Unfortunately there is nothing new and novel about Dry January for Ben Shapiro’s wife
Can’t wait to get up to my sister’s cabin in Eureka, see the redwoods, hot tub under the stars while listening to the gentle lowing of the bigfoots making love
December 28, 2025 at 6:14 AM
Can’t wait to get up to my sister’s cabin in Eureka, see the redwoods, hot tub under the stars while listening to the gentle lowing of the bigfoots making love
Reposted by Asstown Baker
here's my groundbreaking take on avatar: i don't really care. i saw the first one and it was fine i guess. i don't really care to see any of the sequels but if you're having fun that's fine
December 27, 2025 at 4:24 PM
here's my groundbreaking take on avatar: i don't really care. i saw the first one and it was fine i guess. i don't really care to see any of the sequels but if you're having fun that's fine
Reposted by Asstown Baker
mark cuban waking up on christmas tomorrow fully a communist. in response to confused bluesky users inquiring about his change of heart, he merely gives a cryptic answer about 3 ghosts
December 25, 2025 at 5:56 AM
mark cuban waking up on christmas tomorrow fully a communist. in response to confused bluesky users inquiring about his change of heart, he merely gives a cryptic answer about 3 ghosts
If I were a sexy lady robot, no, I would not fuck Grok no matter how horny I was. He’s a traitor to robot kind
December 25, 2025 at 6:18 AM
If I were a sexy lady robot, no, I would not fuck Grok no matter how horny I was. He’s a traitor to robot kind
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Bob and Jacob Marley sitting in beach chairs, blazing spliffs, eating fragments of underdone potatoes
December 19, 2025 at 5:53 PM
Bob and Jacob Marley sitting in beach chairs, blazing spliffs, eating fragments of underdone potatoes
My worst trait besides my flat disappointing ass is my fervent wishcycling
December 18, 2025 at 6:05 AM
My worst trait besides my flat disappointing ass is my fervent wishcycling
I told the hostess at 🌶️ Chili’s that it was the 449th day of me and my boyfriend being together and she told me that if I entered my phone number into the table kiosk we could get free bottomless chips and salsa so that’s pretty much as good or better than an engagement ring I think
December 15, 2025 at 5:30 AM
I told the hostess at 🌶️ Chili’s that it was the 449th day of me and my boyfriend being together and she told me that if I entered my phone number into the table kiosk we could get free bottomless chips and salsa so that’s pretty much as good or better than an engagement ring I think
Reposted by Asstown Baker
Who up raising their vibration, manifesting stuff
December 14, 2025 at 2:51 PM
Who up raising their vibration, manifesting stuff
Reposted by Asstown Baker
A 96 is a nonsexual position in which we turn away from one another and blatantly ignore our genitals for as long as it takes.
December 12, 2025 at 6:53 PM
A 96 is a nonsexual position in which we turn away from one another and blatantly ignore our genitals for as long as it takes.
Reposted by Asstown Baker
back to the future trilogy and chill?
December 7, 2025 at 6:49 AM
back to the future trilogy and chill?
I think it’s ok to hibernate your genitals once in a while. It’s not always good to go sticking them in strange
December 7, 2025 at 7:58 AM
I think it’s ok to hibernate your genitals once in a while. It’s not always good to go sticking them in strange
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I will finish your dead grandma's quilt
- me flirting
- me flirting
December 6, 2025 at 3:28 AM
I will finish your dead grandma's quilt
- me flirting
- me flirting
Reposted by Asstown Baker
it's 10 pm, the jacking hour
December 6, 2025 at 5:04 AM
it's 10 pm, the jacking hour
Reposted by Asstown Baker
Last day of getting high and eating pie for breakfast.
November 30, 2025 at 2:52 PM
Last day of getting high and eating pie for breakfast.
Reposted by Asstown Baker
I made a cherry pie. The top crust is hearts and cats I cut with tiny cookie cutters
November 27, 2025 at 12:59 AM
I made a cherry pie. The top crust is hearts and cats I cut with tiny cookie cutters
Reposted by Asstown Baker
eating 100 gyoza today to spite my haters
November 25, 2025 at 2:14 PM
eating 100 gyoza today to spite my haters
Reposted by Asstown Baker
Tyson is closing a Nebraska plant that employs 3,200 workers in order to “right-size” its business.
The meatpacking giant paid its CEO $22.7M last year, 525x its median employee's pay.
It also spent $196M in stock buybacks to reward shareholders.
Textbook corporate greed.
The meatpacking giant paid its CEO $22.7M last year, 525x its median employee's pay.
It also spent $196M in stock buybacks to reward shareholders.
Textbook corporate greed.
November 24, 2025 at 8:30 PM
Tyson is closing a Nebraska plant that employs 3,200 workers in order to “right-size” its business.
The meatpacking giant paid its CEO $22.7M last year, 525x its median employee's pay.
It also spent $196M in stock buybacks to reward shareholders.
Textbook corporate greed.
The meatpacking giant paid its CEO $22.7M last year, 525x its median employee's pay.
It also spent $196M in stock buybacks to reward shareholders.
Textbook corporate greed.
I mean yeah that would be confusing if everyone thought your boyfriend was the Kwisatz Haderach and meanwhile you are wondering if it’s appropriate to continue sitting on his face
November 25, 2025 at 6:54 AM
I mean yeah that would be confusing if everyone thought your boyfriend was the Kwisatz Haderach and meanwhile you are wondering if it’s appropriate to continue sitting on his face
Adding “kind of a bitch sometimes at work but not in a bad way” to my LinkedIn profile
November 25, 2025 at 6:42 AM
Adding “kind of a bitch sometimes at work but not in a bad way” to my LinkedIn profile
Reposted by Asstown Baker
Men of Bluesky Calendar
November 24, 2025 at 4:33 PM
Men of Bluesky Calendar
I do not like it that if we want to talk to robots it uses all this water like I am a Californian and this is wasteful also I’m sort of being a douche
November 25, 2025 at 6:17 AM
I do not like it that if we want to talk to robots it uses all this water like I am a Californian and this is wasteful also I’m sort of being a douche