@twoshotcap.bsky.social
improviser, steak lover, brew crew, and go pack. im here for the laughs.
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MacKenzie Scott: *donates $50M every 10 hours°
Joe Lonsdale, co-founder of Palantir: "I want to see people hang"
Joe Lonsdale, co-founder of Palantir: "I want to see people hang"
December 7, 2025 at 12:15 AM
MacKenzie Scott: *donates $50M every 10 hours°
Joe Lonsdale, co-founder of Palantir: "I want to see people hang"
Joe Lonsdale, co-founder of Palantir: "I want to see people hang"
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This is actually quite brilliant, up to and including the final sentence 🔥
December 1, 2025 at 11:09 AM
This is actually quite brilliant, up to and including the final sentence 🔥
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F. Scott Fitzgerald: In my book I invented Gatsby lifestyle as a cautionary tale
The president: At long last, we have created the Gatsby lifestyle from the classic novel The Great Gatsby
The president: At long last, we have created the Gatsby lifestyle from the classic novel The Great Gatsby
November 1, 2025 at 4:48 AM
F. Scott Fitzgerald: In my book I invented Gatsby lifestyle as a cautionary tale
The president: At long last, we have created the Gatsby lifestyle from the classic novel The Great Gatsby
The president: At long last, we have created the Gatsby lifestyle from the classic novel The Great Gatsby
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Not really an overstatement to say that the test of a free society is whether or not comedians can make fun of the country's leader on TV without repurcussions.
July 18, 2025 at 3:39 PM
Not really an overstatement to say that the test of a free society is whether or not comedians can make fun of the country's leader on TV without repurcussions.
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Don't ask why this was a thing but it utterly dominated the moment
September 13, 2025 at 4:35 PM
Don't ask why this was a thing but it utterly dominated the moment
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[restaurant]
ME: how should we pay for this meal
HOCKEY PLAYER: i’ll get the check
POLITICIAN: pass the bill
OUTFIELDER: i got this one
NASCAR DRIVER: it’s my turn
LUMBERJACK: let’s split it
ROOFER: fellas, it’s on the house
ME: how should we pay for this meal
HOCKEY PLAYER: i’ll get the check
POLITICIAN: pass the bill
OUTFIELDER: i got this one
NASCAR DRIVER: it’s my turn
LUMBERJACK: let’s split it
ROOFER: fellas, it’s on the house
September 5, 2025 at 4:51 PM
[restaurant]
ME: how should we pay for this meal
HOCKEY PLAYER: i’ll get the check
POLITICIAN: pass the bill
OUTFIELDER: i got this one
NASCAR DRIVER: it’s my turn
LUMBERJACK: let’s split it
ROOFER: fellas, it’s on the house
ME: how should we pay for this meal
HOCKEY PLAYER: i’ll get the check
POLITICIAN: pass the bill
OUTFIELDER: i got this one
NASCAR DRIVER: it’s my turn
LUMBERJACK: let’s split it
ROOFER: fellas, it’s on the house
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Them: “Cities are all rotting hellscapes!”
Cities:
Cities:
August 29, 2025 at 9:14 PM
Them: “Cities are all rotting hellscapes!”
Cities:
Cities:
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We’re just normal men
July 17, 2025 at 10:05 AM
We’re just normal men
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It’s a terrible bill. It will literally kill people. The most vulnerable among us will suffer as the wealthiest benefit. It’s perverse. I wish there were something I could do. But alas, I am only a U.S. Senator from Alaska whose “no” vote would kill the bill. So I voted yes. You get it.
July 1, 2025 at 9:56 PM
It’s a terrible bill. It will literally kill people. The most vulnerable among us will suffer as the wealthiest benefit. It’s perverse. I wish there were something I could do. But alas, I am only a U.S. Senator from Alaska whose “no” vote would kill the bill. So I voted yes. You get it.
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Holy shit...I applied for a job with The Onion back in April and this was literally one of my 30 sports headline submissions. @davidjroth.bsky.social @robertsilverman.bsky.social
June 30, 2025 at 10:12 PM
Holy shit...I applied for a job with The Onion back in April and this was literally one of my 30 sports headline submissions. @davidjroth.bsky.social @robertsilverman.bsky.social
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World War 3 kinda sucks, but you know, it was either this or pronouns
June 22, 2025 at 5:08 AM
World War 3 kinda sucks, but you know, it was either this or pronouns
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in late 2026, nearly 50 years after its launch, voyager 1 will be the first manmade object to reach a distance of one light day from the sun
June 21, 2025 at 4:09 AM
in late 2026, nearly 50 years after its launch, voyager 1 will be the first manmade object to reach a distance of one light day from the sun
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amtrak’s marketing team gets it
June 21, 2025 at 12:21 PM
amtrak’s marketing team gets it
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"what were the 2000s like?" they were just this. nintendo sold a tribal tattoo game console and it came with a winamp skin
June 17, 2025 at 9:03 PM
"what were the 2000s like?" they were just this. nintendo sold a tribal tattoo game console and it came with a winamp skin
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Dude's wanted a military parade for himself for years and he finally makes it happen and turnout is worse than at a medium sized city's farmers market on a rainy day while like 2% of the entire country went out to protest his bullshit
June 14, 2025 at 11:04 PM
Dude's wanted a military parade for himself for years and he finally makes it happen and turnout is worse than at a medium sized city's farmers market on a rainy day while like 2% of the entire country went out to protest his bullshit
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I like how ANDOR makes STAR WARS seen like a fictionalised swashbuckling adventure serial based on the historical events of the ANDOR universe.
May 21, 2025 at 7:35 PM
I like how ANDOR makes STAR WARS seen like a fictionalised swashbuckling adventure serial based on the historical events of the ANDOR universe.
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Over 90% of people use federal science-based info like weather forecasts, job reports, and food safety warnings — yet only 10% worry that cuts to federal science funding could affect their access.
www.npr.org/2025/05/06/n...
www.npr.org/2025/05/06/n...
Most Americans use federal science information on a weekly basis, a new poll finds
Most Americans frequently use federal science information. But few are concerned that cuts to federal science spending could affect their access to such information, a new poll finds.
www.npr.org
May 9, 2025 at 4:38 PM
Over 90% of people use federal science-based info like weather forecasts, job reports, and food safety warnings — yet only 10% worry that cuts to federal science funding could affect their access.
www.npr.org/2025/05/06/n...
www.npr.org/2025/05/06/n...
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The Fox News producer going into overtime to run their 12th trans athlete story to distract their viewers from the fact that the US economy is transitioning into a 2nd Great Depression.
April 4, 2025 at 8:55 PM
The Fox News producer going into overtime to run their 12th trans athlete story to distract their viewers from the fact that the US economy is transitioning into a 2nd Great Depression.
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Give up butter AND have to live longer? That’s a terrible deal
Swapping your daily butter intake for certain plant-based oils may help reduce your risk of death, a new study finds. cnn.it/3Du9LmM
March 6, 2025 at 11:12 PM
Give up butter AND have to live longer? That’s a terrible deal
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crazy to think that it’s already the super bowl in australia
February 9, 2025 at 4:31 AM
crazy to think that it’s already the super bowl in australia
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“Screaming. A million mouths screaming but also laughing the sky will bleed and there shall be a great flensing a burning away of the flesh it is coming there is no way to stop what is coming.”
February 2, 2025 at 6:39 PM
“Screaming. A million mouths screaming but also laughing the sky will bleed and there shall be a great flensing a burning away of the flesh it is coming there is no way to stop what is coming.”