Paul Hayward
@trashmad.bsky.social
Reposted by Paul Hayward
Truly shocking that Rachel Reeves had the audacity to call herself the U14 girls chess champions when she won the U14 girls chess championship but some bloke thought she was talking about something else.
December 3, 2025 at 12:41 PM
Truly shocking that Rachel Reeves had the audacity to call herself the U14 girls chess champions when she won the U14 girls chess championship but some bloke thought she was talking about something else.
Reposted by Paul Hayward
getting a lot of haters talking shit about my set at the epstein island comedy festival, as if those young women don’t deserve to see me do stand up
October 11, 2025 at 11:17 AM
getting a lot of haters talking shit about my set at the epstein island comedy festival, as if those young women don’t deserve to see me do stand up
Reposted by Paul Hayward
Yes, yes I know I keep banging on about my fucking book! However, if you want one repost this and I’ll do a random winner pick thing by the end of the week because I’m great like that. ♥️📚
#amindofmyown
#amindofmyown
October 7, 2025 at 4:07 PM
Yes, yes I know I keep banging on about my fucking book! However, if you want one repost this and I’ll do a random winner pick thing by the end of the week because I’m great like that. ♥️📚
#amindofmyown
#amindofmyown
Reposted by Paul Hayward
"I 'ate that immigrant duck!"
October 7, 2025 at 6:35 PM
"I 'ate that immigrant duck!"
Reposted by Paul Hayward
This is a great joke, and no doubt funnier than anything that will be allowed on the stage in Riyadh. The only way these comics can redeem themselves is to say something that actually gets them in serious trouble with the authorities. And they’ve literally promised not to.
You can't joke about anything anymore. Because you signed a multi figure contract with the Saudi government that said they wouldn't pay you if you did.
September 27, 2025 at 10:48 PM
This is a great joke, and no doubt funnier than anything that will be allowed on the stage in Riyadh. The only way these comics can redeem themselves is to say something that actually gets them in serious trouble with the authorities. And they’ve literally promised not to.
Reposted by Paul Hayward
Private Eye - the BBC and Tory piss-weasel Chris Mason 🤣
September 18, 2025 at 9:00 PM
Private Eye - the BBC and Tory piss-weasel Chris Mason 🤣
Brilliant
September 10, 2025 at 5:03 PM
Brilliant
Reposted by Paul Hayward
Customer feedback this week;
‘Please can you get some more diversity at the National Trust by encouraging more hot men to visit.’
Ideas for how we do this v welcome. Nothing too racy please - we are the National Trust not the National Tryst.
‘Please can you get some more diversity at the National Trust by encouraging more hot men to visit.’
Ideas for how we do this v welcome. Nothing too racy please - we are the National Trust not the National Tryst.
September 6, 2025 at 2:39 PM
Customer feedback this week;
‘Please can you get some more diversity at the National Trust by encouraging more hot men to visit.’
Ideas for how we do this v welcome. Nothing too racy please - we are the National Trust not the National Tryst.
‘Please can you get some more diversity at the National Trust by encouraging more hot men to visit.’
Ideas for how we do this v welcome. Nothing too racy please - we are the National Trust not the National Tryst.
Reposted by Paul Hayward
The most powerful message I’ve seen
September 5, 2025 at 9:26 AM
The most powerful message I’ve seen
Reposted by Paul Hayward
What kind of age check is this? It shouted "Papa!" and I shouted "Nicole!" and it said I was old enough
July 25, 2025 at 8:37 PM
What kind of age check is this? It shouted "Papa!" and I shouted "Nicole!" and it said I was old enough
Reposted by Paul Hayward
My age verification asked whether I have ever put my birthday cards on top of the TV
July 26, 2025 at 11:41 AM
My age verification asked whether I have ever put my birthday cards on top of the TV
Reposted by Paul Hayward
Ozzy Osbourne visited my magic shop. He said he'd like to buy some stink bombs. How many? All of them. I had to go through drawers finding every last one. He bought 900 of them. To sign the credit card slip I handed him a shock pen, which he thought was hilarious and bought that too. RIP
July 22, 2025 at 6:29 PM
Ozzy Osbourne visited my magic shop. He said he'd like to buy some stink bombs. How many? All of them. I had to go through drawers finding every last one. He bought 900 of them. To sign the credit card slip I handed him a shock pen, which he thought was hilarious and bought that too. RIP
Reposted by Paul Hayward
my cousin's neighbor's horses got out last night and decided to go for a swim
she texted me this and i think you should see it
she texted me this and i think you should see it
July 4, 2025 at 8:21 PM
my cousin's neighbor's horses got out last night and decided to go for a swim
she texted me this and i think you should see it
she texted me this and i think you should see it
Reposted by Paul Hayward
The ground turned green since the aurora was so bright
July 4, 2025 at 3:21 PM
The ground turned green since the aurora was so bright
Art imitating life etc....
Is it too late to give Sacha Baron Cohen an Oscar for this? Not a damn lie told. 🇺🇸
June 22, 2025 at 10:14 PM
Art imitating life etc....
Reposted by Paul Hayward
Reposted by Paul Hayward
Nothing will prepare you for the interview…
(🎥 7 News Queensland)
(🎥 7 News Queensland)
April 21, 2025 at 10:31 PM
Nothing will prepare you for the interview…
(🎥 7 News Queensland)
(🎥 7 News Queensland)
Reposted by Paul Hayward
Reposted by Paul Hayward
That's Michael Portillo: Finishing Himself Off, later tonight on BBC2
Voluntary euthanasia is one hell of a way to end the Great Railway Journeys series.
March 30, 2025 at 9:21 AM
That's Michael Portillo: Finishing Himself Off, later tonight on BBC2
Should be front page news...won't be..
🚨The Covid inquiry heard from
Civil Servants regarding the VIP lane yesterday.
👀Emails reveal concerns over cronyism, “back-scratching”, ministerial pressure, the feeling of being “swamped” and threatened by politically connected VIP firms.
Full report for @bylinetimes.bsky.social here ⤵️
Civil Servants regarding the VIP lane yesterday.
👀Emails reveal concerns over cronyism, “back-scratching”, ministerial pressure, the feeling of being “swamped” and threatened by politically connected VIP firms.
Full report for @bylinetimes.bsky.social here ⤵️
🚨 Civil Servants Felt Pressured Into Giving ‘Special Treatment’ to Conservative-Connected COVID PPE Supplier
Emails reveal officials felt threatened by firms benefiting from “back-scratching” by Conservative ministers
My latest report for @bylinetimes.bsky.social
bylinetimes.com/2025/03/21/c...
Emails reveal officials felt threatened by firms benefiting from “back-scratching” by Conservative ministers
My latest report for @bylinetimes.bsky.social
bylinetimes.com/2025/03/21/c...
March 21, 2025 at 3:48 PM
Should be front page news...won't be..
Reposted by Paul Hayward
My son found me crying in the kitchen, wrapped his arms around me and whispered, "Is it because of your hair?" So now I'm crying for two reasons.
March 18, 2025 at 12:25 PM
My son found me crying in the kitchen, wrapped his arms around me and whispered, "Is it because of your hair?" So now I'm crying for two reasons.
Reposted by Paul Hayward
"You're not my surreal Dad!"
February 14, 2025 at 10:03 PM
"You're not my surreal Dad!"
Reposted by Paul Hayward
Jesus. Twister in Donegal right now.
January 24, 2025 at 7:58 AM
Jesus. Twister in Donegal right now.