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Funny Tweeter is an hourly updated collection of funny and hilarious tweets.
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Reposted by FunnyTweeter.com
An igloo made of toupees: wigloo.
May 2, 2025 at 8:58 PM
An igloo made of toupees: wigloo.
Reposted by FunnyTweeter.com
KID: what does "estimate" mean?
TEACHER: take an educated guess
KID: how bout u just fucken tell me
TEACHER: take an educated guess
KID: how bout u just fucken tell me
April 30, 2025 at 3:28 PM
KID: what does "estimate" mean?
TEACHER: take an educated guess
KID: how bout u just fucken tell me
TEACHER: take an educated guess
KID: how bout u just fucken tell me
Reposted by FunnyTweeter.com
god made eve by splitting the adam.
April 29, 2025 at 4:30 PM
god made eve by splitting the adam.
Reposted by FunnyTweeter.com
baloney is just flat hot dogs
April 15, 2025 at 9:14 PM
baloney is just flat hot dogs
Reposted by FunnyTweeter.com
Once again my horse "Two Drunk Guys in a Horse Costume" has failed to win the Kentucky Derby
May 4, 2025 at 4:13 AM
Once again my horse "Two Drunk Guys in a Horse Costume" has failed to win the Kentucky Derby
Reposted by FunnyTweeter.com
Anchorman: And now for weather, how are things looking outside
Weatherman: Good, how are things inside
Anchorman: Good
Weatherman: Good
Anchorman:
Weatherman: Gina left me again
Weatherman: Good, how are things inside
Anchorman: Good
Weatherman: Good
Anchorman:
Weatherman: Gina left me again
May 4, 2025 at 3:04 AM
Anchorman: And now for weather, how are things looking outside
Weatherman: Good, how are things inside
Anchorman: Good
Weatherman: Good
Anchorman:
Weatherman: Gina left me again
Weatherman: Good, how are things inside
Anchorman: Good
Weatherman: Good
Anchorman:
Weatherman: Gina left me again
Reposted by FunnyTweeter.com
"I'm telling you we're out!"
"Carl, our family built a career on toilet paper, don't tell me we're out!"
"Carl, our family built a career on toilet paper, don't tell me we're out!"
May 1, 2025 at 6:54 PM
"I'm telling you we're out!"
"Carl, our family built a career on toilet paper, don't tell me we're out!"
"Carl, our family built a career on toilet paper, don't tell me we're out!"
Reposted by FunnyTweeter.com
If Sasquatch and Mothman pull up in a white panel van and ask if I'm up for an adventure, I'm getting in the van.
May 3, 2025 at 6:40 PM
If Sasquatch and Mothman pull up in a white panel van and ask if I'm up for an adventure, I'm getting in the van.
Damn lizard people
May 1, 2025 at 12:54 PM
Damn lizard people
I'd tell them I was five but are my veggies without complaining so I grew faster
May 1, 2025 at 12:54 PM
I'd tell them I was five but are my veggies without complaining so I grew faster
Nothing brings people together like contempt for bad pick up lines
May 1, 2025 at 12:53 PM
Nothing brings people together like contempt for bad pick up lines
Our final form. Hunched and nuts!
May 1, 2025 at 12:52 PM
Our final form. Hunched and nuts!
Reposted by FunnyTweeter.com
Imagine sex with me
Wrong, I'm over here
Wrong again, I'm asleep
Wrong, I'm over here
Wrong again, I'm asleep
April 30, 2025 at 10:52 AM
Imagine sex with me
Wrong, I'm over here
Wrong again, I'm asleep
Wrong, I'm over here
Wrong again, I'm asleep
Reposted by FunnyTweeter.com
"I.. may have... finished the laundry," I whispered, then closed my eyes. Now I wait for the universe to do its thing.
April 26, 2025 at 11:31 PM
"I.. may have... finished the laundry," I whispered, then closed my eyes. Now I wait for the universe to do its thing.
We need to spread the word
Too many people are living without being yelled at, on social media
Too many people are living without being yelled at, on social media
April 30, 2025 at 11:37 AM
We need to spread the word
Too many people are living without being yelled at, on social media
Too many people are living without being yelled at, on social media
Fitness freaks everywhere
April 28, 2025 at 1:45 PM
Fitness freaks everywhere
Nothing like getting to know someone over a sunrise.. women live surprises
April 28, 2025 at 1:44 PM
Nothing like getting to know someone over a sunrise.. women live surprises
Reposted by FunnyTweeter.com
Remember when you were a kid and the teacher said you can be anything you want to be? Luckily I chose lower middle class and overweight.
April 23, 2025 at 11:58 AM
Remember when you were a kid and the teacher said you can be anything you want to be? Luckily I chose lower middle class and overweight.
Reposted by FunnyTweeter.com
That feeling when you're done at work for the day but still have 3 hours till you can clock out.
Not the best feeling.
Not the best feeling.
April 17, 2025 at 3:32 AM
That feeling when you're done at work for the day but still have 3 hours till you can clock out.
Not the best feeling.
Not the best feeling.