Myq Kaplan
@myqkaplan.bsky.social
I’m a comedian!
New special “Rini” on YouTube 11/19/25:
https://youtu.be/y0uf9i_z-Aw
Tour dates: https://punchup.live/myqkaplan
More info: http://linktr.ee/myqkaplan
New special “Rini” on YouTube 11/19/25:
https://youtu.be/y0uf9i_z-Aw
Tour dates: https://punchup.live/myqkaplan
More info: http://linktr.ee/myqkaplan
"Live in the moment!"
"OK but does it have to be THIS moment?"
"Oh definitely not."
"Cool looking forward to some sweet-ass future moments to live in!"
"OK but does it have to be THIS moment?"
"Oh definitely not."
"Cool looking forward to some sweet-ass future moments to live in!"
November 10, 2025 at 5:53 PM
"Live in the moment!"
"OK but does it have to be THIS moment?"
"Oh definitely not."
"Cool looking forward to some sweet-ass future moments to live in!"
"OK but does it have to be THIS moment?"
"Oh definitely not."
"Cool looking forward to some sweet-ass future moments to live in!"
"I'm rubber, you're glue!"
"Cool, let's be friends! We arts and crafts supplies have to stick together."
"Cool, let's be friends! We arts and crafts supplies have to stick together."
November 10, 2025 at 5:52 PM
"I'm rubber, you're glue!"
"Cool, let's be friends! We arts and crafts supplies have to stick together."
"Cool, let's be friends! We arts and crafts supplies have to stick together."
“I’m a health nut” — the almond
November 10, 2025 at 5:49 PM
“I’m a health nut” — the almond
CUTE JOKE ALERT!
If a pastry chef only gives you 12 items and not 13, you can call that a "baker's doesn't."
CUTE JOKE OVER!
If a pastry chef only gives you 12 items and not 13, you can call that a "baker's doesn't."
CUTE JOKE OVER!
November 10, 2025 at 5:47 PM
CUTE JOKE ALERT!
If a pastry chef only gives you 12 items and not 13, you can call that a "baker's doesn't."
CUTE JOKE OVER!
If a pastry chef only gives you 12 items and not 13, you can call that a "baker's doesn't."
CUTE JOKE OVER!
Self-care is important.
Others-care is too.
Take care! And give care!
Others-care is too.
Take care! And give care!
November 10, 2025 at 5:45 PM
Self-care is important.
Others-care is too.
Take care! And give care!
Others-care is too.
Take care! And give care!
Some thoughts I have on traditional marriage, from my new special “Rini” out next week! (November 19 on YouTube!) Enjoy!
#funny #standup #jokes #STANDUPCOMEDY #comedy
#funny #standup #jokes #STANDUPCOMEDY #comedy
November 10, 2025 at 3:53 PM
Some thoughts I have on traditional marriage, from my new special “Rini” out next week! (November 19 on YouTube!) Enjoy!
#funny #standup #jokes #STANDUPCOMEDY #comedy
#funny #standup #jokes #STANDUPCOMEDY #comedy
I love time loop stories.
One time I was telling a friend about this love of mine.
He asked "Have you seen THIS time loop movie?"
It didn't sound familiar, so I went home and found it online.
When I went to click "Play," instead of "Play" it said "Watch again?"
I love time loop stories.
One time I was telling a friend about this love of mine.
He asked "Have you seen THIS time loop movie?"
It didn't sound familiar, so I went home and found it online.
When I went to click "Play," instead of "Play" it said "Watch again?"
I love time loop stories.
November 9, 2025 at 8:58 PM
I love time loop stories.
One time I was telling a friend about this love of mine.
He asked "Have you seen THIS time loop movie?"
It didn't sound familiar, so I went home and found it online.
When I went to click "Play," instead of "Play" it said "Watch again?"
I love time loop stories.
One time I was telling a friend about this love of mine.
He asked "Have you seen THIS time loop movie?"
It didn't sound familiar, so I went home and found it online.
When I went to click "Play," instead of "Play" it said "Watch again?"
I love time loop stories.
"Comedy is hard, right?"
“Well...
First, everything is hard.
Second, no it's not.
Third, maybe it's hard if you’ve never done it and can't even imagine how you would do it.
Fourth, what do YOU do? I bet that's hard, too."
“Not really."
“Oh, maybe try something harder then? Comedy, perhaps?"
“Well...
First, everything is hard.
Second, no it's not.
Third, maybe it's hard if you’ve never done it and can't even imagine how you would do it.
Fourth, what do YOU do? I bet that's hard, too."
“Not really."
“Oh, maybe try something harder then? Comedy, perhaps?"
November 9, 2025 at 8:55 PM
"Comedy is hard, right?"
“Well...
First, everything is hard.
Second, no it's not.
Third, maybe it's hard if you’ve never done it and can't even imagine how you would do it.
Fourth, what do YOU do? I bet that's hard, too."
“Not really."
“Oh, maybe try something harder then? Comedy, perhaps?"
“Well...
First, everything is hard.
Second, no it's not.
Third, maybe it's hard if you’ve never done it and can't even imagine how you would do it.
Fourth, what do YOU do? I bet that's hard, too."
“Not really."
“Oh, maybe try something harder then? Comedy, perhaps?"
I am stranger than most strangers.
GET A NEW NAME FOR YOURSELF, STRANGERS!
GET A NEW NAME FOR YOURSELF, STRANGERS!
November 9, 2025 at 8:53 PM
I am stranger than most strangers.
GET A NEW NAME FOR YOURSELF, STRANGERS!
GET A NEW NAME FOR YOURSELF, STRANGERS!
An ouroboros but with whales instead of snakes is a Möbius Dick.
November 9, 2025 at 8:51 PM
An ouroboros but with whales instead of snakes is a Möbius Dick.
This is my friend Jim Tews!
He is a super funny comedian, talented artist, and excellent most recent guest on my podcast!
His new special is “With Pictures.”
His new album is “Without Pictures.”
Much love! And thanks to Ramin Nazer for the pod art!
broccoliandicecream.libsyn.com/406-jim-tews...
He is a super funny comedian, talented artist, and excellent most recent guest on my podcast!
His new special is “With Pictures.”
His new album is “Without Pictures.”
Much love! And thanks to Ramin Nazer for the pod art!
broccoliandicecream.libsyn.com/406-jim-tews...
November 9, 2025 at 8:39 PM
This is my friend Jim Tews!
He is a super funny comedian, talented artist, and excellent most recent guest on my podcast!
His new special is “With Pictures.”
His new album is “Without Pictures.”
Much love! And thanks to Ramin Nazer for the pod art!
broccoliandicecream.libsyn.com/406-jim-tews...
He is a super funny comedian, talented artist, and excellent most recent guest on my podcast!
His new special is “With Pictures.”
His new album is “Without Pictures.”
Much love! And thanks to Ramin Nazer for the pod art!
broccoliandicecream.libsyn.com/406-jim-tews...
But was it a comet that was SENT BY ALIENS?
November 9, 2025 at 6:57 PM
But was it a comet that was SENT BY ALIENS?
Pretty cool for restaurants that “meal” and “deal” rhyme.
Podiatrists, why aren’t you offering “heel deals”?
Therapists, why aren’t you offering “feel deals”?
Metallirgists, why aren’t you offering “steel deals”? Or at least saying “this steel is a steal”?
Happy to help, everyone!
Podiatrists, why aren’t you offering “heel deals”?
Therapists, why aren’t you offering “feel deals”?
Metallirgists, why aren’t you offering “steel deals”? Or at least saying “this steel is a steal”?
Happy to help, everyone!
November 8, 2025 at 9:29 PM
Pretty cool for restaurants that “meal” and “deal” rhyme.
Podiatrists, why aren’t you offering “heel deals”?
Therapists, why aren’t you offering “feel deals”?
Metallirgists, why aren’t you offering “steel deals”? Or at least saying “this steel is a steal”?
Happy to help, everyone!
Podiatrists, why aren’t you offering “heel deals”?
Therapists, why aren’t you offering “feel deals”?
Metallirgists, why aren’t you offering “steel deals”? Or at least saying “this steel is a steal”?
Happy to help, everyone!
Hey did Jesus say anything in the Bible that might lead us to be able to discover what he might think about feeding the hungry?
November 8, 2025 at 8:21 PM
Hey did Jesus say anything in the Bible that might lead us to be able to discover what he might think about feeding the hungry?
It's impressive how the band Smashing Pumpkins managed to be popular all year round and not just in the fall.
November 8, 2025 at 5:57 PM
It's impressive how the band Smashing Pumpkins managed to be popular all year round and not just in the fall.
“So what’s your back story?”
“I used to be a chiropractor.”
“I used to be a chiropractor.”
November 8, 2025 at 5:48 PM
“So what’s your back story?”
“I used to be a chiropractor.”
“I used to be a chiropractor.”
Can you believe all the current events?
There are so many events, and they’re all current!
There are so many events, and they’re all current!
November 8, 2025 at 5:45 PM
Can you believe all the current events?
There are so many events, and they’re all current!
There are so many events, and they’re all current!
it's always
a real time-saver
to remember that i don't have to
respond to every single person
saying every single thing
on the entire internet
forever
a real time-saver
to remember that i don't have to
respond to every single person
saying every single thing
on the entire internet
forever
November 8, 2025 at 5:44 PM
it's always
a real time-saver
to remember that i don't have to
respond to every single person
saying every single thing
on the entire internet
forever
a real time-saver
to remember that i don't have to
respond to every single person
saying every single thing
on the entire internet
forever
I wrote a piece about this fun Mitch Hedberg joke:
“That would be cool if you lived with a monster... you would never get hiccups!”
— Mitch Hedberg
It also ends up being about Stephen Sondheim a little bit. I hope you enjoy!
“That would be cool if you lived with a monster... you would never get hiccups!”
— Mitch Hedberg
It also ends up being about Stephen Sondheim a little bit. I hope you enjoy!
Mitch Hedberg, Stephen Sondheim, Marriage, Monsters, Hiccups, and More!
What can the "and more" be? Read on to find out!
open.substack.com
November 8, 2025 at 5:23 PM
I wrote a piece about this fun Mitch Hedberg joke:
“That would be cool if you lived with a monster... you would never get hiccups!”
— Mitch Hedberg
It also ends up being about Stephen Sondheim a little bit. I hope you enjoy!
“That would be cool if you lived with a monster... you would never get hiccups!”
— Mitch Hedberg
It also ends up being about Stephen Sondheim a little bit. I hope you enjoy!
Can a woman take over Ross Douthat’s job?
November 8, 2025 at 5:48 AM
Can a woman take over Ross Douthat’s job?
Not sure if I heard this correctly but sounded like a guy at the airport bag drop area was yelling “They won’t take our bags! And we don’t have a flight!”
And now we can all wonder what happened to that family forever!
And now we can all wonder what happened to that family forever!
November 8, 2025 at 5:31 AM
Not sure if I heard this correctly but sounded like a guy at the airport bag drop area was yelling “They won’t take our bags! And we don’t have a flight!”
And now we can all wonder what happened to that family forever!
And now we can all wonder what happened to that family forever!
Now that Zohran won the election, I’m returning to NYC!
(I’ve been in LA for the past two weeks and my return flight is tonight!)
(I’ve been in LA for the past two weeks and my return flight is tonight!)
November 8, 2025 at 2:35 AM
Now that Zohran won the election, I’m returning to NYC!
(I’ve been in LA for the past two weeks and my return flight is tonight!)
(I’ve been in LA for the past two weeks and my return flight is tonight!)
This is also one of MY favorite things that’s ever happened on the internet!
November 7, 2025 at 9:08 PM
This is also one of MY favorite things that’s ever happened on the internet!
LIFE HACK: instead of telling someone you don’t like that you don’t like them and why, why not tell someone you DO like that you DO like them and why.
November 7, 2025 at 5:20 PM
LIFE HACK: instead of telling someone you don’t like that you don’t like them and why, why not tell someone you DO like that you DO like them and why.
On my death bed, I imagine that I may regret not calling all the other places I slept up until then my "life beds."
November 7, 2025 at 5:18 PM
On my death bed, I imagine that I may regret not calling all the other places I slept up until then my "life beds."