@tellabrandi.bsky.social
Pinned
Me: ready to go to school?
My genius, 3 yr old daughter: hey mama, you have long boobies.
Me:...
Me: *changes middle name to Long Boobies*
My genius, 3 yr old daughter: hey mama, you have long boobies.
Me:...
Me: *changes middle name to Long Boobies*
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I hope this email piledrives you
November 14, 2025 at 4:23 PM
I hope this email piledrives you
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be the light you want to see in the weird
November 15, 2025 at 2:51 PM
be the light you want to see in the weird
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A better-for-you Chupacabra
November 14, 2025 at 3:03 PM
A better-for-you Chupacabra
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Middle age is mostly squinting at things and looking for things.
November 14, 2025 at 3:16 PM
Middle age is mostly squinting at things and looking for things.
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Every since I was a boy I knew I wanted to keep my jaw clenched for 24 years
November 14, 2025 at 3:40 PM
Every since I was a boy I knew I wanted to keep my jaw clenched for 24 years
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Sea Bass would be a good nickname for Sebastian
November 14, 2025 at 1:29 AM
Sea Bass would be a good nickname for Sebastian
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I'm really asking a lot of these multivitamins
October 30, 2025 at 5:06 PM
I'm really asking a lot of these multivitamins
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I follow shitposters almost exclusively and I highly recommend it to maintain your sanity
November 27, 2024 at 5:49 AM
I follow shitposters almost exclusively and I highly recommend it to maintain your sanity
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Let's arrange a playdate for our demons
November 14, 2025 at 1:28 PM
Let's arrange a playdate for our demons
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I am physically unable to go through a yellow light without saying "ha ha haa" in a menacing voice
November 14, 2025 at 1:06 PM
I am physically unable to go through a yellow light without saying "ha ha haa" in a menacing voice
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[To the tune of Pretty Woman by Roy Orbison]
🎵Baba Yaga
🎵Walking down the street
🎵Baba Yaga
🎵House with chicken feet
🎵Baba Yaga
🎵Baba Yaga
🎵Walking down the street
🎵Baba Yaga
🎵House with chicken feet
🎵Baba Yaga
November 14, 2025 at 1:24 PM
[To the tune of Pretty Woman by Roy Orbison]
🎵Baba Yaga
🎵Walking down the street
🎵Baba Yaga
🎵House with chicken feet
🎵Baba Yaga
🎵Baba Yaga
🎵Walking down the street
🎵Baba Yaga
🎵House with chicken feet
🎵Baba Yaga
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A nickel for your thoughts. In this economy????
November 14, 2025 at 2:36 PM
A nickel for your thoughts. In this economy????
A better-for-you Chupacabra
November 14, 2025 at 3:03 PM
A better-for-you Chupacabra
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Technically true or not, Enid was pretty sure that her husband George was never going to call her a witch again.
October 22, 2025 at 4:25 PM
Technically true or not, Enid was pretty sure that her husband George was never going to call her a witch again.
Ladies,
Do you ever feel so uncomfortable in your skin that you want to scratch it off, and then shoot out of it, up into the air, while bursting into tiny flames and parts, so that you rain down molecules of your discontent onto every citizen of earth?
Just me?
Do you ever feel so uncomfortable in your skin that you want to scratch it off, and then shoot out of it, up into the air, while bursting into tiny flames and parts, so that you rain down molecules of your discontent onto every citizen of earth?
Just me?
October 14, 2025 at 3:16 AM
Ladies,
Do you ever feel so uncomfortable in your skin that you want to scratch it off, and then shoot out of it, up into the air, while bursting into tiny flames and parts, so that you rain down molecules of your discontent onto every citizen of earth?
Just me?
Do you ever feel so uncomfortable in your skin that you want to scratch it off, and then shoot out of it, up into the air, while bursting into tiny flames and parts, so that you rain down molecules of your discontent onto every citizen of earth?
Just me?
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GOD: lmao what if we invented consciousness, as a joke
June 1, 2025 at 5:58 PM
GOD: lmao what if we invented consciousness, as a joke
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Love is patient, love is kind, love is a battlefield.
May 18, 2025 at 11:08 PM
Love is patient, love is kind, love is a battlefield.
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Well that thought was ridiculous.
*aaand post*
*aaand post*
June 2, 2025 at 3:03 AM
Well that thought was ridiculous.
*aaand post*
*aaand post*
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look what im offering you
✨
🖐️
⚪
🫰
⚪
🫳 🫱
⚪
🫷 🫸
⚪
🫲 🤚
⚪
🤌
⠀⃝
🫴
your dreams
✨
🖐️
⚪
🫰
⚪
🫳 🫱
⚪
🫷 🫸
⚪
🫲 🤚
⚪
🤌
⠀⃝
🫴
your dreams
June 2, 2025 at 3:02 AM
look what im offering you
✨
🖐️
⚪
🫰
⚪
🫳 🫱
⚪
🫷 🫸
⚪
🫲 🤚
⚪
🤌
⠀⃝
🫴
your dreams
✨
🖐️
⚪
🫰
⚪
🫳 🫱
⚪
🫷 🫸
⚪
🫲 🤚
⚪
🤌
⠀⃝
🫴
your dreams
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Maybe I’m not snoring. Maybe I’m purring. You didn’t even think of that, did you?
June 2, 2025 at 3:21 AM
Maybe I’m not snoring. Maybe I’m purring. You didn’t even think of that, did you?
No one:
Me: but you know what IS forever?
A curse.
Me: but you know what IS forever?
A curse.
June 2, 2025 at 3:25 AM
No one:
Me: but you know what IS forever?
A curse.
Me: but you know what IS forever?
A curse.
Me: here's your hair clip
My genius, 3yr old daughter: I'm gonna count to 5 and no more grabbing things.
Me: I don't understand--wha?
3yr old: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7....alright, 5. No more grabbing things. *Points to hair clip* this is my computer. It does things for me.
Me: oh.
My genius, 3yr old daughter: I'm gonna count to 5 and no more grabbing things.
Me: I don't understand--wha?
3yr old: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7....alright, 5. No more grabbing things. *Points to hair clip* this is my computer. It does things for me.
Me: oh.
May 27, 2025 at 1:59 AM
Me: here's your hair clip
My genius, 3yr old daughter: I'm gonna count to 5 and no more grabbing things.
Me: I don't understand--wha?
3yr old: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7....alright, 5. No more grabbing things. *Points to hair clip* this is my computer. It does things for me.
Me: oh.
My genius, 3yr old daughter: I'm gonna count to 5 and no more grabbing things.
Me: I don't understand--wha?
3yr old: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7....alright, 5. No more grabbing things. *Points to hair clip* this is my computer. It does things for me.
Me: oh.
I bet there's lots of dudes with skullets totally in kitchens with skillets.
I'd be first in line to call them ol skilly skully
I'd be first in line to call them ol skilly skully
May 25, 2025 at 3:44 AM
I bet there's lots of dudes with skullets totally in kitchens with skillets.
I'd be first in line to call them ol skilly skully
I'd be first in line to call them ol skilly skully
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Now for my next trick let me tell you a joke I just heard
May 25, 2025 at 3:38 AM
Now for my next trick let me tell you a joke I just heard