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Reposted
Me: I've a particular set of skills, skills that make me a nightmare for people like you.
[spills soup down my front]
Dry cleaner: I see
[spills soup down my front]
Dry cleaner: I see
October 4, 2025 at 7:49 PM
Me: I've a particular set of skills, skills that make me a nightmare for people like you.
[spills soup down my front]
Dry cleaner: I see
[spills soup down my front]
Dry cleaner: I see
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In his world of sunsets, I was his Northern Lights
November 25, 2025 at 1:36 AM
In his world of sunsets, I was his Northern Lights
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Holy shit! After Megyn Kelly gave a free pass to pedophiles Trump and Jeffrey Epstein to fuck children, this 14-year-old girl just gave Kelly a brutal reality check. 😳👇
November 15, 2025 at 7:47 PM
Holy shit! After Megyn Kelly gave a free pass to pedophiles Trump and Jeffrey Epstein to fuck children, this 14-year-old girl just gave Kelly a brutal reality check. 😳👇
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THE INVENTOR OF BAD NEWS: what if you could be sitting down
November 14, 2025 at 9:35 PM
THE INVENTOR OF BAD NEWS: what if you could be sitting down
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h/T to @baddestmamajama.bsky.social who did this and really made me laugh:
Olivia Nuzzi bio Mad Libs
GO
Olivia Nuzzi bio Mad Libs
GO
![[NAME], [AGE], lives in [BRIEF DESCRIPTION OF YOUR HOUSE] in the heart of [CITY OR LOCATION] where [WACKY OR INTERESTING HOUSE FACT] and [BOOK YOU ABSOLUTELY LEFT OUT ON PURPOSE #1] and [BOOK YOU ABSOLUTELY LEFT OUT ON PURPOSE #2] — two books [PRONOUN] was reading while [PROFESSION, CRAFT OR PASTIME] — sit on [PRONOUN] [LOCATION IN HOUSE YOU WOULD STRATEGICALLY LEAVE TWO BOOKS YOU WANT EVERY VISITOR TO SEE]. [EGREGIOUSLY PRETENTIOUS ACTIVITY], like a [NAME OF ARTIST] song come to life.](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:7qiuhllywd7skoiqadlya3ry/bafkreidfkjfuje4n5jt4jofn6vadq5pkfbxoxvdgzbjhsefvvjbgrinan4@jpeg)
November 14, 2025 at 11:35 PM
h/T to @baddestmamajama.bsky.social who did this and really made me laugh:
Olivia Nuzzi bio Mad Libs
GO
Olivia Nuzzi bio Mad Libs
GO
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Forgive at your leisure.
Forget at your peril.
Forget at your peril.
November 11, 2025 at 1:51 AM
Forgive at your leisure.
Forget at your peril.
Forget at your peril.
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Interviewer: great resumé apart from the typo. It says you have exceptional people skulls lol
Me: *holding up two skulls by the eye sockets* meet Richard & Clive
Me: *holding up two skulls by the eye sockets* meet Richard & Clive
September 17, 2025 at 2:49 PM
Interviewer: great resumé apart from the typo. It says you have exceptional people skulls lol
Me: *holding up two skulls by the eye sockets* meet Richard & Clive
Me: *holding up two skulls by the eye sockets* meet Richard & Clive
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tomorrow’s regrets begin with today’s why nots
November 11, 2025 at 2:58 AM
tomorrow’s regrets begin with today’s why nots
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Me: *telling cute new young guy about my hobbies*
Cute New Young Guy: what's minesweeper
Cute New Young Guy: what's minesweeper
November 5, 2025 at 4:35 PM
Me: *telling cute new young guy about my hobbies*
Cute New Young Guy: what's minesweeper
Cute New Young Guy: what's minesweeper
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Just what he needed
November 3, 2025 at 11:38 PM
Just what he needed
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Obama: "It's like every day is Halloween, except it's all tricks and no treats. And here's the thing -- it's not as if we did not see some of this coming. I mean, I'll admit it's worse than even I expected, but I did warn y'all. And you know what? Donald Trump warned you too."
November 1, 2025 at 11:24 PM
Obama: "It's like every day is Halloween, except it's all tricks and no treats. And here's the thing -- it's not as if we did not see some of this coming. I mean, I'll admit it's worse than even I expected, but I did warn y'all. And you know what? Donald Trump warned you too."
The First Wives Club - You Don't Own Me
YouTube video by WatchWithMati
www.youtube.com
October 12, 2025 at 5:02 AM
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This is absolutely the last time I call an escort service and say “I’m not picky.”
October 11, 2025 at 1:41 AM
This is absolutely the last time I call an escort service and say “I’m not picky.”
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Superman won a Harvey Award for best comic adaptation at New York Comic Con! The award is named after and inspired by the great Harvey Kurtzman, who revolutionized comics and left the world a better – and much wittier place than he found it. Thanks to everyone at the Harvey Awards for this honor!
October 11, 2025 at 3:02 AM
Superman won a Harvey Award for best comic adaptation at New York Comic Con! The award is named after and inspired by the great Harvey Kurtzman, who revolutionized comics and left the world a better – and much wittier place than he found it. Thanks to everyone at the Harvey Awards for this honor!
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there’s something so beautifully American about our democracy’s last line of defense being coronary artery disease
October 9, 2025 at 6:15 PM
there’s something so beautifully American about our democracy’s last line of defense being coronary artery disease
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This is Jade. She just met the biggest dogs she's ever seen. But quickly learned they have the biggest hearts too. 13/10 for all (TT: catimtins.pscal)
September 23, 2025 at 11:10 PM
This is Jade. She just met the biggest dogs she's ever seen. But quickly learned they have the biggest hearts too. 13/10 for all (TT: catimtins.pscal)
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“Hello everyone and welcome to my Ted Talk, ‘It Was the Cat: Diverting Blame in the Digital Age’.”
September 23, 2025 at 3:57 PM
“Hello everyone and welcome to my Ted Talk, ‘It Was the Cat: Diverting Blame in the Digital Age’.”
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[first day of work]
me: so, when do i get to kick one?
boss: we don't actually-
me: how about that one? that one looks like kind of an asshole
me: so, when do i get to kick one?
boss: we don't actually-
me: how about that one? that one looks like kind of an asshole
September 23, 2025 at 1:39 PM
[first day of work]
me: so, when do i get to kick one?
boss: we don't actually-
me: how about that one? that one looks like kind of an asshole
me: so, when do i get to kick one?
boss: we don't actually-
me: how about that one? that one looks like kind of an asshole
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Had a bit of engine trouble on the first ride of the season
September 26, 2025 at 4:06 AM
Had a bit of engine trouble on the first ride of the season
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The c in scent is quiet today. Too quiet.
September 25, 2025 at 4:38 PM
The c in scent is quiet today. Too quiet.
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The countryside is filled with the sound of tearing earth and the staccato pops of roots coming free from the soil. The ground pulsates a steady rhythm, as through a cloud of flying dirt and floating dust, the enraged horde marches towards the city with a singularity of purpose. The vegans must pay.
September 26, 2025 at 1:46 PM
The countryside is filled with the sound of tearing earth and the staccato pops of roots coming free from the soil. The ground pulsates a steady rhythm, as through a cloud of flying dirt and floating dust, the enraged horde marches towards the city with a singularity of purpose. The vegans must pay.
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The thing Bob loves most about being a werewolf is when his wife takes him on a car ride.
August 31, 2024 at 7:41 PM
The thing Bob loves most about being a werewolf is when his wife takes him on a car ride.
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ISAAC NEWTON: i have just discovered gravity
EVERYONE ELSE: hey how come i can't float around anymore
EVERYONE ELSE: hey how come i can't float around anymore
September 25, 2025 at 11:04 PM
ISAAC NEWTON: i have just discovered gravity
EVERYONE ELSE: hey how come i can't float around anymore
EVERYONE ELSE: hey how come i can't float around anymore