Jeffw
@jeffw.bsky.social
Jeffw, actor, illustrator/artist, bad life choice guru, procrastinator, professional idiot & French. 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️✊🏾🏴🏴☠️
il/lui
https://ko-fi.com/jeffwni
il/lui
https://ko-fi.com/jeffwni
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Jeffw
@jeffw.bsky.social
· May 11
- "I love Beyoncé...
- Whatever floats your boat mate.
- No, you're thinking of 'buoyancy'.
- ..."
- Whatever floats your boat mate.
- No, you're thinking of 'buoyancy'.
- ..."
I just imagined Trump trying to understand this speech and it made me laugh
January 1, 2026 at 9:57 PM
I just imagined Trump trying to understand this speech and it made me laugh
Happy Birthday to the year!
I think that’s how it works.
I think that’s how it works.
January 1, 2026 at 4:35 PM
Happy Birthday to the year!
I think that’s how it works.
I think that’s how it works.
Reposted by Jeffw
Dear all: A very, very happy New Year! I think it’s quite sad that people don't spend time on personal messages, they just copy and paste some random message and send it on. Not me. Thanks for everything, and have a great 2018 - you’re the best gymnastics group anyone could ask for. Sandra xxx
January 1, 2026 at 1:31 AM
Dear all: A very, very happy New Year! I think it’s quite sad that people don't spend time on personal messages, they just copy and paste some random message and send it on. Not me. Thanks for everything, and have a great 2018 - you’re the best gymnastics group anyone could ask for. Sandra xxx
Reposted by Jeffw
I hope 2026 brings… more fun, kindness, friendship and cats,
December 31, 2025 at 7:56 PM
I hope 2026 brings… more fun, kindness, friendship and cats,
Finally, it all comes to an end.
December 31, 2025 at 7:48 PM
Finally, it all comes to an end.
Reposted by Jeffw
I'm sorry your baby is crying right now. Have you tried taking it farther away from me?
January 7, 2025 at 7:40 PM
I'm sorry your baby is crying right now. Have you tried taking it farther away from me?
Damnit! I should really start working on my 2025 resolutions.
December 30, 2025 at 7:40 PM
Damnit! I should really start working on my 2025 resolutions.
Reposted by Jeffw
The way people have started to speak about infidelity as a crime akin to physical or sexual abuse is wild. You can’t send the whole of France to jail.
December 29, 2025 at 6:13 PM
The way people have started to speak about infidelity as a crime akin to physical or sexual abuse is wild. You can’t send the whole of France to jail.
Reposted by Jeffw
Jamiroquai when Jamiro vewwy sad
December 23, 2025 at 5:19 PM
Jamiroquai when Jamiro vewwy sad
Going to work today.
As you can tell, I. am. positively. thrilled.
Although, after ten days with my mother here, it's the opportunity to catch a break 😈
As you can tell, I. am. positively. thrilled.
Although, after ten days with my mother here, it's the opportunity to catch a break 😈
December 30, 2025 at 7:57 AM
Going to work today.
As you can tell, I. am. positively. thrilled.
Although, after ten days with my mother here, it's the opportunity to catch a break 😈
As you can tell, I. am. positively. thrilled.
Although, after ten days with my mother here, it's the opportunity to catch a break 😈
Reposted by Jeffw
Nice to get an MBE for services to feigning laughter when I'm washing my car and someone says "you can do mine next!"
December 30, 2025 at 7:40 AM
Nice to get an MBE for services to feigning laughter when I'm washing my car and someone says "you can do mine next!"
Reposted by Jeffw
This feels like the 63rd day of Christmas…
[mechanically pours self a bowl of Quality Street like cereals]
[adds Baileys]
[lights up a candy cane]
[exhales deeply]
I don’t think I can take it much longer
[mechanically pours self a bowl of Quality Street like cereals]
[adds Baileys]
[lights up a candy cane]
[exhales deeply]
I don’t think I can take it much longer
December 27, 2024 at 10:25 AM
This feels like the 63rd day of Christmas…
[mechanically pours self a bowl of Quality Street like cereals]
[adds Baileys]
[lights up a candy cane]
[exhales deeply]
I don’t think I can take it much longer
[mechanically pours self a bowl of Quality Street like cereals]
[adds Baileys]
[lights up a candy cane]
[exhales deeply]
I don’t think I can take it much longer
Reposted by Jeffw
Now we’re on the bum-slide to the New Year there’s still a few of my calendars left.
I’ll be posting first thing Monday so you’ll get it in time to start the New Year right. Punching Nazis.
www.infinitebacon.com
I’ll be posting first thing Monday so you’ll get it in time to start the New Year right. Punching Nazis.
www.infinitebacon.com
December 27, 2025 at 10:07 AM
Now we’re on the bum-slide to the New Year there’s still a few of my calendars left.
I’ll be posting first thing Monday so you’ll get it in time to start the New Year right. Punching Nazis.
www.infinitebacon.com
I’ll be posting first thing Monday so you’ll get it in time to start the New Year right. Punching Nazis.
www.infinitebacon.com
Reposted by Jeffw
The opportunity for a period of quiet, sober reflection between the excesses of Christmas and the revelry of New Year’s Eve can easily be avoided by continuing to drink.
December 26, 2025 at 10:08 PM
The opportunity for a period of quiet, sober reflection between the excesses of Christmas and the revelry of New Year’s Eve can easily be avoided by continuing to drink.
Reposted by Jeffw
Scrooge: What day is this boy?!
Boy: It's Christmas, sir.
Scrooge: Good! Here. [throws coins] There's a big turkey in the butcher's window. Buy it and deliver it to the Crachits
Boy: Did you book it? 'caus finding a turkey on Christmas day ain't gonna happen you fucking idiot [runs away]
Boy: It's Christmas, sir.
Scrooge: Good! Here. [throws coins] There's a big turkey in the butcher's window. Buy it and deliver it to the Crachits
Boy: Did you book it? 'caus finding a turkey on Christmas day ain't gonna happen you fucking idiot [runs away]
December 25, 2023 at 11:17 AM
Scrooge: What day is this boy?!
Boy: It's Christmas, sir.
Scrooge: Good! Here. [throws coins] There's a big turkey in the butcher's window. Buy it and deliver it to the Crachits
Boy: Did you book it? 'caus finding a turkey on Christmas day ain't gonna happen you fucking idiot [runs away]
Boy: It's Christmas, sir.
Scrooge: Good! Here. [throws coins] There's a big turkey in the butcher's window. Buy it and deliver it to the Crachits
Boy: Did you book it? 'caus finding a turkey on Christmas day ain't gonna happen you fucking idiot [runs away]
Reposted by Jeffw
Can you even call yourself a proper parent if you don’t spend the entire time when your family are opening presents on Christmas Day hovering around them on high alert with a bin bag to instantly gather up the discarded wrapping paper.
December 25, 2025 at 9:04 AM
Can you even call yourself a proper parent if you don’t spend the entire time when your family are opening presents on Christmas Day hovering around them on high alert with a bin bag to instantly gather up the discarded wrapping paper.
Merry Christmas to everyone!
I hope you got a little of what you want and a lot of what you need. ❤️
I hope you got a little of what you want and a lot of what you need. ❤️
December 25, 2025 at 9:06 AM
Merry Christmas to everyone!
I hope you got a little of what you want and a lot of what you need. ❤️
I hope you got a little of what you want and a lot of what you need. ❤️
So it begins…
This feels like the 63rd day of Christmas…
[mechanically pours self a bowl of Quality Street like cereals]
[adds Baileys]
[lights up a candy cane]
[exhales deeply]
I don’t think I can take it much longer
[mechanically pours self a bowl of Quality Street like cereals]
[adds Baileys]
[lights up a candy cane]
[exhales deeply]
I don’t think I can take it much longer
December 24, 2025 at 6:11 PM
So it begins…
Reposted by Jeffw
December 24, 2024 at 9:32 AM
I'd let you razz my matazz.
December 23, 2025 at 1:19 PM
I'd let you razz my matazz.
Reposted by Jeffw
- What's the French for waves? You know the water sea ones?
"It's vague"
- I really don't know how I could be clearer, Carol.
"It's vague"
- I really don't know how I could be clearer, Carol.
December 13, 2025 at 1:41 PM
- What's the French for waves? You know the water sea ones?
"It's vague"
- I really don't know how I could be clearer, Carol.
"It's vague"
- I really don't know how I could be clearer, Carol.
Reposted by Jeffw
Cat: You got my messa—
Me: YES, I got your message
Cat: Because you forg—
Me: I forgot your litter tray, I know!
Cat: So I sh—
Me: You shat in the bathtub, I GOT IT!
Cat: wow. Someone's grumpy this morning
Me: YES, I got your message
Cat: Because you forg—
Me: I forgot your litter tray, I know!
Cat: So I sh—
Me: You shat in the bathtub, I GOT IT!
Cat: wow. Someone's grumpy this morning
December 14, 2025 at 11:31 AM
Cat: You got my messa—
Me: YES, I got your message
Cat: Because you forg—
Me: I forgot your litter tray, I know!
Cat: So I sh—
Me: You shat in the bathtub, I GOT IT!
Cat: wow. Someone's grumpy this morning
Me: YES, I got your message
Cat: Because you forg—
Me: I forgot your litter tray, I know!
Cat: So I sh—
Me: You shat in the bathtub, I GOT IT!
Cat: wow. Someone's grumpy this morning
Reposted by Jeffw
IT'S THIS TIME OF THE YEAR!
Better put your sprouts on the boil if you want them to be ready in time for Christmas.
Here's an easy chart to help you
Better put your sprouts on the boil if you want them to be ready in time for Christmas.
Here's an easy chart to help you
December 19, 2025 at 7:06 AM
IT'S THIS TIME OF THE YEAR!
Better put your sprouts on the boil if you want them to be ready in time for Christmas.
Here's an easy chart to help you
Better put your sprouts on the boil if you want them to be ready in time for Christmas.
Here's an easy chart to help you
Reposted by Jeffw
How To Fight The Christmas Blues: the Venn diagram
December 19, 2025 at 7:14 AM
How To Fight The Christmas Blues: the Venn diagram
Christmas? First I hear of it
December 23, 2025 at 9:56 AM
Christmas? First I hear of it