@nicholasnovak.bsky.social
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We’re just innocent men
December 9, 2025 at 11:57 AM
We’re just innocent men
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I wrote a bit for McSweeney's about Isaac Chotiner interviewing Santa Claus. Just a little something for the holiday season. Enjoy!
The New Yorker’s Isaac Chotiner Interviews Santa Claus
For several centuries, Santa Claus has been one of the most prolific mythical gift-givers in the world. Formerly known as Saint Nicholas of Myra, a...
www.mcsweeneys.net
December 4, 2025 at 7:02 PM
I wrote a bit for McSweeney's about Isaac Chotiner interviewing Santa Claus. Just a little something for the holiday season. Enjoy!
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That begs the question: why has everyone lost their damn minds?
And the answer I think is Phone x COVID x Neoliberalism = everyone is insane.
And the answer I think is Phone x COVID x Neoliberalism = everyone is insane.
November 30, 2025 at 3:01 AM
That begs the question: why has everyone lost their damn minds?
And the answer I think is Phone x COVID x Neoliberalism = everyone is insane.
And the answer I think is Phone x COVID x Neoliberalism = everyone is insane.
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top notch mascottin'
November 29, 2025 at 8:06 PM
top notch mascottin'
Very important work, excellently done.
THREAD. A collection of photographs of excellent sheep I have met on walks.
You will find the captions to each photo in the alt text.
You will find the captions to each photo in the alt text.
November 14, 2025 at 1:41 PM
Very important work, excellently done.
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The coordinated nature of this—none are facing voters in 2026—means that either Schumer approved it or failed in his job as Senate Majority Leader to stop it.
Dems voting "no" get zero credit until they demand a change in leadership. Schumer out as Leader, Durbin out as Whip.
Dems voting "no" get zero credit until they demand a change in leadership. Schumer out as Leader, Durbin out as Whip.
so currently defectors are:
Kaine (2030)
Shaheen (Retiring)
Hasan (2028)
Fetterman (2028)
Durbin (Retiring)
CCM (2028)
Rosen (2030)
King (2030)
Kaine (2030)
Shaheen (Retiring)
Hasan (2028)
Fetterman (2028)
Durbin (Retiring)
CCM (2028)
Rosen (2030)
King (2030)
November 10, 2025 at 2:43 AM
The coordinated nature of this—none are facing voters in 2026—means that either Schumer approved it or failed in his job as Senate Majority Leader to stop it.
Dems voting "no" get zero credit until they demand a change in leadership. Schumer out as Leader, Durbin out as Whip.
Dems voting "no" get zero credit until they demand a change in leadership. Schumer out as Leader, Durbin out as Whip.
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![A riff on the famous Mike Primavera (@primawesome) tweet about shelter cats and coyotes, with substitutions in brackets
My neighbor told me [Republicans] keep eating his [vulnerable minority groups] so I asked how many [minorities] he has and he said he just [Votes Blue, No Matter Who] and gets a new [minority] afterwards so I said it sounds like he's just feeding [vulnerable minorities] to Republicans and then his daughter started crying.](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:z3vj3sznbplg35cnfx4dtvss/bafkreig2ukd3sswlxg2g3py5t23jjs6dzdizqk67wuw7ddrdv6wgrgbjpi@jpeg)
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FOX: Pritzker has asked you specifically to pause immigration enforcement operations in Chicago so kids can safety celebrate Halloween. Do you have any plans to alter activity tomorrow?
NOEM: No. We're gonna be out on the streets in full force and increase our activities to make sure kids are safe.
NOEM: No. We're gonna be out on the streets in full force and increase our activities to make sure kids are safe.
October 30, 2025 at 5:20 PM
FOX: Pritzker has asked you specifically to pause immigration enforcement operations in Chicago so kids can safety celebrate Halloween. Do you have any plans to alter activity tomorrow?
NOEM: No. We're gonna be out on the streets in full force and increase our activities to make sure kids are safe.
NOEM: No. We're gonna be out on the streets in full force and increase our activities to make sure kids are safe.
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Thinking to Founders, Framers, so much against any established religion, representing numerous views & beliefs w/little unity. Thus, examples like Article 11 of the Treaty of Tripoli (1797): "As the government of the United States of America is not in any sense founded on the Christian religion"🗃️
October 20, 2025 at 4:27 PM
Thinking to Founders, Framers, so much against any established religion, representing numerous views & beliefs w/little unity. Thus, examples like Article 11 of the Treaty of Tripoli (1797): "As the government of the United States of America is not in any sense founded on the Christian religion"🗃️
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Someone in the crowd: “Go Cubs!”
Pope Leo XIV: “Han perdido! They lost!”
Pope Leo XIV: “Han perdido! They lost!”
October 15, 2025 at 4:47 PM
Someone in the crowd: “Go Cubs!”
Pope Leo XIV: “Han perdido! They lost!”
Pope Leo XIV: “Han perdido! They lost!”
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It’s impossible to overstate how much “abolish ice” is the normie position now here in chicago — just countless random moms at toddler soccer on a park district field asking me where I bought my anti-ice t-shirt. average people don’t like our neighborhoods being terrorized.
A friend ran the Chicago marathon today and said he couldn’t count the number of FUCK ICE signs along the way.
October 13, 2025 at 3:01 AM
It’s impossible to overstate how much “abolish ice” is the normie position now here in chicago — just countless random moms at toddler soccer on a park district field asking me where I bought my anti-ice t-shirt. average people don’t like our neighborhoods being terrorized.
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The fun thing about power is that while you can use it to silence people smarter than you no amount of it can cure you of being a fucking dipshit
October 3, 2025 at 4:21 AM
The fun thing about power is that while you can use it to silence people smarter than you no amount of it can cure you of being a fucking dipshit
No way the they’re getting a felony charge for that through a Chicagoland grand jury 🙏
On Saturday, September 27, US Air Force veteran Dana Briggs was arrested outside of the Broadview ICE detention facility. He is being charged with assaulting a federal officer, which is a felony.
September 30, 2025 at 9:45 PM
No way the they’re getting a felony charge for that through a Chicagoland grand jury 🙏
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If he means helping Trump get elected I’m with him.
Stephen Miller: "What James Comey did is truly one of the most severe assaults on our freedoms and liberties that has occurred in the whole history of this nation."
September 27, 2025 at 2:15 AM
If he means helping Trump get elected I’m with him.
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You found a "solution" for autism? Is it accepting everyone's place in the beautiful mosaic of human life? Okay I'm guessing from the look on your face that it's not that
September 22, 2025 at 9:25 PM
You found a "solution" for autism? Is it accepting everyone's place in the beautiful mosaic of human life? Okay I'm guessing from the look on your face that it's not that
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Not sure this [gestures everywhere] was such a great idea
September 12, 2025 at 11:57 PM
Not sure this [gestures everywhere] was such a great idea
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News gonna be like: “Maybe the shooter wasn’t on the political left but the fact that it seemed so realistic to assume he was says something pretty important about society”
September 12, 2025 at 4:53 PM
News gonna be like: “Maybe the shooter wasn’t on the political left but the fact that it seemed so realistic to assume he was says something pretty important about society”
This is the grimmest shit I’ve ever seen.
The future is watching a Mormon influencer doing self-promotion following an assassination through your phone screen until you are the Mormon influencer filming
September 11, 2025 at 9:37 PM
This is the grimmest shit I’ve ever seen.
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GOP greatly overestimates the number of fucks GenX and younger give about Bill Clinton.
September 9, 2025 at 1:09 AM
GOP greatly overestimates the number of fucks GenX and younger give about Bill Clinton.
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The President of the United States is threatening to go to war with an American city.
This is not a joke. This is not normal.
Donald Trump isn't a strongman, he's a scared man. Illinois won’t be intimidated by a wannabe dictator.
This is not a joke. This is not normal.
Donald Trump isn't a strongman, he's a scared man. Illinois won’t be intimidated by a wannabe dictator.
September 6, 2025 at 4:37 PM
The President of the United States is threatening to go to war with an American city.
This is not a joke. This is not normal.
Donald Trump isn't a strongman, he's a scared man. Illinois won’t be intimidated by a wannabe dictator.
This is not a joke. This is not normal.
Donald Trump isn't a strongman, he's a scared man. Illinois won’t be intimidated by a wannabe dictator.
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anyway vaccines are one of the single greatest scientific innovations of human history and an unambiguous moral good and continuing to develop new ones is one of the best things we could possibly be investing research dollars in, BUT WHAT DO I KNOW, I'M JUST A DUMB BITCH WHO DOESN'T WANT TO DIE
September 5, 2025 at 1:41 AM
anyway vaccines are one of the single greatest scientific innovations of human history and an unambiguous moral good and continuing to develop new ones is one of the best things we could possibly be investing research dollars in, BUT WHAT DO I KNOW, I'M JUST A DUMB BITCH WHO DOESN'T WANT TO DIE
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No, you're not ineligible for the vaccine. Let me introduce you to the concept of lying.
August 27, 2025 at 6:46 PM
No, you're not ineligible for the vaccine. Let me introduce you to the concept of lying.
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Relax and get some rest! Tomorrow is another long day of unimaginable, absurdist horrors
August 27, 2025 at 4:55 AM
Relax and get some rest! Tomorrow is another long day of unimaginable, absurdist horrors
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I, for one, am willing to just hand America over to whichever European leader brings up the Epstein files during a press conference after their meeting with Trump.
August 18, 2025 at 4:38 AM
I, for one, am willing to just hand America over to whichever European leader brings up the Epstein files during a press conference after their meeting with Trump.