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mods are asleep post clear sandwich
December 11, 2023 at 5:11 PM
mods are asleep post clear sandwich
i think i’d like to eat dinner inside one of the pyramids
November 17, 2025 at 2:42 AM
i think i’d like to eat dinner inside one of the pyramids
shorthair calico - the official cat of the national football league
November 16, 2025 at 10:34 PM
shorthair calico - the official cat of the national football league
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If there’s one thing sportscasters love, it’s to actually have spoken with this player yesterday
January 1, 2025 at 9:54 PM
If there’s one thing sportscasters love, it’s to actually have spoken with this player yesterday
taking a deep breath and, for the last time, politely asking a bug to get off my face
November 15, 2025 at 6:35 PM
taking a deep breath and, for the last time, politely asking a bug to get off my face
sports bras are 4-dimensional objects
November 15, 2025 at 1:42 AM
sports bras are 4-dimensional objects
“virginia is for lovers,” whispers a voice from the floor vent
November 13, 2025 at 7:10 PM
“virginia is for lovers,” whispers a voice from the floor vent
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drawing a line in the sand. and then another line. and then a kinda dome shape. and then the nutsack
December 17, 2024 at 11:12 AM
drawing a line in the sand. and then another line. and then a kinda dome shape. and then the nutsack
the perfect dump, on display at the smithsonian
November 13, 2025 at 1:44 AM
the perfect dump, on display at the smithsonian
team mascot trying to commit suicide with a t-shirt cannon
November 12, 2025 at 9:22 PM
team mascot trying to commit suicide with a t-shirt cannon
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second verse on this is one of the funniest things i've ever heard
November 9, 2025 at 3:10 PM
second verse on this is one of the funniest things i've ever heard
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My therapist said I should try crying. Too bad I’m such a big tough man 🤷🏻♂️
May 18, 2025 at 12:22 AM
My therapist said I should try crying. Too bad I’m such a big tough man 🤷🏻♂️
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Was really struck by what a lovely inspiring exercise this is, like a primary school version of Mary Oliver’s Instructions for living a life
Pay attention.
Be astonished.
Tell about it
Pay attention.
Be astonished.
Tell about it
November 10, 2025 at 9:35 AM
Was really struck by what a lovely inspiring exercise this is, like a primary school version of Mary Oliver’s Instructions for living a life
Pay attention.
Be astonished.
Tell about it
Pay attention.
Be astonished.
Tell about it
your hair shouldn’t count toward your total weight - it should be a separate number
November 11, 2025 at 3:18 AM
your hair shouldn’t count toward your total weight - it should be a separate number
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Chalices and goblets are the exact same bullshit to me
November 11, 2025 at 2:56 AM
Chalices and goblets are the exact same bullshit to me
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if you’re looking to name a wig store you could do a lot worse than ‘Wig World’
February 12, 2025 at 6:12 AM
if you’re looking to name a wig store you could do a lot worse than ‘Wig World’
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jokes on you - i was already gonna push a rock up a hill forever
March 17, 2025 at 5:47 AM
jokes on you - i was already gonna push a rock up a hill forever
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Imagine if 40 years from now, Nico Harrison was still running the Dallas Mavericks. That's basically the Democratic party.
March 4, 2025 at 7:30 PM
Imagine if 40 years from now, Nico Harrison was still running the Dallas Mavericks. That's basically the Democratic party.
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COBBLER: Oh woe is me! I'm too poorly to finish these fine leather shoes!
~next day~
COBBLER: Goodness! My work was finished overnight with perfect craftsmanship by kindly elves!
~that night~
COBBLER: (loudly) Oh how dearly I need to shave my armpits, pubic mound, legs and anus with no razor burn!
~next day~
COBBLER: Goodness! My work was finished overnight with perfect craftsmanship by kindly elves!
~that night~
COBBLER: (loudly) Oh how dearly I need to shave my armpits, pubic mound, legs and anus with no razor burn!
November 10, 2025 at 12:13 AM
COBBLER: Oh woe is me! I'm too poorly to finish these fine leather shoes!
~next day~
COBBLER: Goodness! My work was finished overnight with perfect craftsmanship by kindly elves!
~that night~
COBBLER: (loudly) Oh how dearly I need to shave my armpits, pubic mound, legs and anus with no razor burn!
~next day~
COBBLER: Goodness! My work was finished overnight with perfect craftsmanship by kindly elves!
~that night~
COBBLER: (loudly) Oh how dearly I need to shave my armpits, pubic mound, legs and anus with no razor burn!
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wisdom is realizing that it's called the Four Doorus because it has four doors.
November 10, 2025 at 3:17 PM
wisdom is realizing that it's called the Four Doorus because it has four doors.
ppl who think the bends is better than in rainbows are like the maga of radiohead fans - how can i possibly coexist with them?!?
November 9, 2025 at 3:09 AM
ppl who think the bends is better than in rainbows are like the maga of radiohead fans - how can i possibly coexist with them?!?
its such a lovely fall day - i think i’ll go out and jog to death
November 8, 2025 at 9:24 PM
its such a lovely fall day - i think i’ll go out and jog to death
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*sitting in an extremely weird way*: ok lets begin
November 8, 2025 at 3:33 PM
*sitting in an extremely weird way*: ok lets begin
smart phones, farts, moans
November 8, 2025 at 7:31 PM
smart phones, farts, moans
cruises are like 'hey, come sail around and have sex with the other people on this boat’ - no thank you!
November 8, 2025 at 5:57 PM
cruises are like 'hey, come sail around and have sex with the other people on this boat’ - no thank you!