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seems like nobody wants to work anymore ever since around five or six pm
November 2, 2023 at 2:53 AM
seems like nobody wants to work anymore ever since around five or six pm
your hair shouldn’t count toward your total weight - it should be a separate number
November 11, 2025 at 3:18 AM
your hair shouldn’t count toward your total weight - it should be a separate number
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Chalices and goblets are the exact same bullshit to me
November 11, 2025 at 2:56 AM
Chalices and goblets are the exact same bullshit to me
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if you’re looking to name a wig store you could do a lot worse than ‘Wig World’
February 12, 2025 at 6:12 AM
if you’re looking to name a wig store you could do a lot worse than ‘Wig World’
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jokes on you - i was already gonna push a rock up a hill forever
March 17, 2025 at 5:47 AM
jokes on you - i was already gonna push a rock up a hill forever
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Imagine if 40 years from now, Nico Harrison was still running the Dallas Mavericks. That's basically the Democratic party.
March 4, 2025 at 7:30 PM
Imagine if 40 years from now, Nico Harrison was still running the Dallas Mavericks. That's basically the Democratic party.
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COBBLER: Oh woe is me! I'm too poorly to finish these fine leather shoes!
~next day~
COBBLER: Goodness! My work was finished overnight with perfect craftsmanship by kindly elves!
~that night~
COBBLER: (loudly) Oh how dearly I need to shave my armpits, pubic mound, legs and anus with no razor burn!
~next day~
COBBLER: Goodness! My work was finished overnight with perfect craftsmanship by kindly elves!
~that night~
COBBLER: (loudly) Oh how dearly I need to shave my armpits, pubic mound, legs and anus with no razor burn!
November 10, 2025 at 12:13 AM
COBBLER: Oh woe is me! I'm too poorly to finish these fine leather shoes!
~next day~
COBBLER: Goodness! My work was finished overnight with perfect craftsmanship by kindly elves!
~that night~
COBBLER: (loudly) Oh how dearly I need to shave my armpits, pubic mound, legs and anus with no razor burn!
~next day~
COBBLER: Goodness! My work was finished overnight with perfect craftsmanship by kindly elves!
~that night~
COBBLER: (loudly) Oh how dearly I need to shave my armpits, pubic mound, legs and anus with no razor burn!
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wisdom is realizing that it's called the Four Doorus because it has four doors.
November 10, 2025 at 3:17 PM
wisdom is realizing that it's called the Four Doorus because it has four doors.
ppl who think the bends is better than in rainbows are like the maga of radiohead fans - how can i possibly coexist with them?!?
November 9, 2025 at 3:09 AM
ppl who think the bends is better than in rainbows are like the maga of radiohead fans - how can i possibly coexist with them?!?
its such a lovely fall day - i think i’ll go out and jog to death
November 8, 2025 at 9:24 PM
its such a lovely fall day - i think i’ll go out and jog to death
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*sitting in an extremely weird way*: ok lets begin
November 8, 2025 at 3:33 PM
*sitting in an extremely weird way*: ok lets begin
smart phones, farts, moans
November 8, 2025 at 7:31 PM
smart phones, farts, moans
cruises are like 'hey, come sail around and have sex with the other people on this boat’ - no thank you!
November 8, 2025 at 5:57 PM
cruises are like 'hey, come sail around and have sex with the other people on this boat’ - no thank you!
some exciting personal news: i’ve decided that my dishwasher & refrigerator are married 🥰
November 8, 2025 at 3:29 AM
some exciting personal news: i’ve decided that my dishwasher & refrigerator are married 🥰
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all capital one ‘café’ locations now accept blood & sperm
November 4, 2025 at 7:12 PM
all capital one ‘café’ locations now accept blood & sperm
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it's Marie Curry's bday (inventor of radioactive curry) :))))
November 7, 2025 at 8:56 PM
it's Marie Curry's bday (inventor of radioactive curry) :))))
halloween 2025 pic, tastefully censored for the sophisticated viewer. likely to be deleted soon!
November 5, 2025 at 10:29 PM
halloween 2025 pic, tastefully censored for the sophisticated viewer. likely to be deleted soon!
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fame would change me so fast i would immediately start killing and eating people
July 15, 2025 at 3:41 PM
fame would change me so fast i would immediately start killing and eating people
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[living in the panopticon]
I feel seen
I feel seen
August 7, 2024 at 6:04 PM
[living in the panopticon]
I feel seen
I feel seen
all capital one ‘café’ locations now accept blood & sperm
November 4, 2025 at 7:12 PM
all capital one ‘café’ locations now accept blood & sperm
imagine how lucky you’d be if you just naturally loved water and vegetables
November 4, 2025 at 6:09 PM
imagine how lucky you’d be if you just naturally loved water and vegetables
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coq au vin is french for ‘chicken in a van’
November 4, 2025 at 6:28 AM
coq au vin is french for ‘chicken in a van’
eggs benedict deprivation tank
November 4, 2025 at 1:58 AM
eggs benedict deprivation tank
please don’t assume that because i’m wet, i’m also wild
October 31, 2025 at 10:29 PM
please don’t assume that because i’m wet, i’m also wild