Hieronymous Beeotch
@hieronymusbeeotch.bsky.social
Resisting in the streets, resisted in the sheets
Pinned
I’d buy one too if Peter Lorre gave me a handjob on the test drive
God made quail so dogs would have a bird they could catch too
November 1, 2025 at 8:57 PM
God made quail so dogs would have a bird they could catch too
TIL it’s bad luck to step on a baby
August 4, 2025 at 7:00 PM
TIL it’s bad luck to step on a baby
Reposted by Hieronymous Beeotch
congrats to your mom on her big opening
August 2, 2025 at 11:40 AM
congrats to your mom on her big opening
Reposted by Hieronymous Beeotch
With Tom Lehrer's passing, I suppose this is a moment to share the story of the prank he played on the National Security Agency, and how it went undiscovered for nearly 60 years.
July 27, 2025 at 9:01 PM
With Tom Lehrer's passing, I suppose this is a moment to share the story of the prank he played on the National Security Agency, and how it went undiscovered for nearly 60 years.
Now that’s a fucking headline
July 2, 2025 at 7:47 PM
Now that’s a fucking headline
Reposted by Hieronymous Beeotch
this opposition party could have been an email
June 12, 2025 at 9:03 PM
this opposition party could have been an email
'“Prayer is invalid with the presence of dog hair,” his fatwa read.'
buy my holy lint roller or you're wasting your breath
www.nytimes.com/2025/06/09/w...
buy my holy lint roller or you're wasting your breath
www.nytimes.com/2025/06/09/w...
‘Dog Walking Is a Clear Crime’: Iran’s Latest Morality Push
The government regards pet dogs as a sign of Western cultural influence. They are also considered impure, in Islam. Now there is a crackdown.
www.nytimes.com
June 10, 2025 at 8:58 PM
'“Prayer is invalid with the presence of dog hair,” his fatwa read.'
buy my holy lint roller or you're wasting your breath
www.nytimes.com/2025/06/09/w...
buy my holy lint roller or you're wasting your breath
www.nytimes.com/2025/06/09/w...
Reposted by Hieronymous Beeotch
slicing my palm over this mound of earth and clay to animate a golem with a single driving purpose: to bring me a fuckton of tacos. this is a solid use of blood magic. there will be no unexpected consequences.
April 21, 2025 at 4:13 PM
slicing my palm over this mound of earth and clay to animate a golem with a single driving purpose: to bring me a fuckton of tacos. this is a solid use of blood magic. there will be no unexpected consequences.
whose hand is that though
May 18, 2025 at 11:16 PM
whose hand is that though
Reposted by Hieronymous Beeotch
[first day as a doctor]
me: inside of you are two wolves
patient: …you mean lungs?
me: (looking at x-ray again) you know what
me: inside of you are two wolves
patient: …you mean lungs?
me: (looking at x-ray again) you know what
October 21, 2024 at 11:18 AM
[first day as a doctor]
me: inside of you are two wolves
patient: …you mean lungs?
me: (looking at x-ray again) you know what
me: inside of you are two wolves
patient: …you mean lungs?
me: (looking at x-ray again) you know what
Reposted by Hieronymous Beeotch
[I get home to find a note on the refrigerator that says "I'm leaving and i'm taking the kids"]
me: [unplugs fridge from power outlet] you're not going anywhere, you piece of shit
me: [unplugs fridge from power outlet] you're not going anywhere, you piece of shit
December 10, 2024 at 10:07 PM
[I get home to find a note on the refrigerator that says "I'm leaving and i'm taking the kids"]
me: [unplugs fridge from power outlet] you're not going anywhere, you piece of shit
me: [unplugs fridge from power outlet] you're not going anywhere, you piece of shit
Reposted by Hieronymous Beeotch
“Can you keep a secret?” asked the person about to stop keeping a secret.
April 22, 2025 at 10:36 AM
“Can you keep a secret?” asked the person about to stop keeping a secret.
America’s greatest university versus history’s worst President
wheeeeeeeee
wheeeeeeeee
April 16, 2025 at 6:50 AM
America’s greatest university versus history’s worst President
wheeeeeeeee
wheeeeeeeee
Grandma wants to teach me to play pee knuckle, like I'd fall for that shit
April 9, 2025 at 1:40 AM
Grandma wants to teach me to play pee knuckle, like I'd fall for that shit
Reposted by Hieronymous Beeotch
Writers at SNL super sad because this was going to be their skit. prospect.org/politics/202...
Michael Waltz’s Venmo Is Public, and It’s Full of Journalists
The figure who tagged a journalist into a Signal chat about the attack on Yemen also failed to set his Venmo to private, revealing his willingness to engage with reporters of all political stripes.
prospect.org
March 26, 2025 at 11:40 PM
Writers at SNL super sad because this was going to be their skit. prospect.org/politics/202...
Reposted by Hieronymous Beeotch
Tesla Model 3 crushed by an Olmec statue
By Mexican sculptor @chavismarmol.bsky.social
By Mexican sculptor @chavismarmol.bsky.social
March 14, 2025 at 2:36 PM
Tesla Model 3 crushed by an Olmec statue
By Mexican sculptor @chavismarmol.bsky.social
By Mexican sculptor @chavismarmol.bsky.social
Reposted by Hieronymous Beeotch
First they came for the green m&m stripper boots and I said nothing
March 14, 2025 at 10:13 PM
First they came for the green m&m stripper boots and I said nothing
I’m a practitioner who does nurses, so yes - I am a nurse practitioner.
March 15, 2025 at 6:08 PM
I’m a practitioner who does nurses, so yes - I am a nurse practitioner.
Reposted by Hieronymous Beeotch
[inadvertent haiku]
autocorrect changed
“lit” to “clit” & i have to
admit im well red 😳
autocorrect changed
“lit” to “clit” & i have to
admit im well red 😳
March 12, 2025 at 1:45 PM
[inadvertent haiku]
autocorrect changed
“lit” to “clit” & i have to
admit im well red 😳
autocorrect changed
“lit” to “clit” & i have to
admit im well red 😳
Reposted by Hieronymous Beeotch
Getting over strep throat has taught me how important it is that I stop making out with homeless people at the park. Even when you think they’re asleep they can be dangerous.
March 12, 2025 at 3:53 PM
Getting over strep throat has taught me how important it is that I stop making out with homeless people at the park. Even when you think they’re asleep they can be dangerous.
I’d buy one too if Peter Lorre gave me a handjob on the test drive
March 11, 2025 at 7:46 PM
I’d buy one too if Peter Lorre gave me a handjob on the test drive
Reposted by Hieronymous Beeotch
The most important political divide is no longer between left & right. Not even between liberal & authoritarian. Its between those who grasp the sheer scale & potentially revolutionary consequences – in the US & around the world – of what Trump is trying to do in his 2nd term; and those who don’t.
March 11, 2025 at 3:14 PM
The most important political divide is no longer between left & right. Not even between liberal & authoritarian. Its between those who grasp the sheer scale & potentially revolutionary consequences – in the US & around the world – of what Trump is trying to do in his 2nd term; and those who don’t.
Reposted by Hieronymous Beeotch
A couple trees in my yard were throwing birds at each other
February 28, 2025 at 9:35 PM
A couple trees in my yard were throwing birds at each other