Greg Bronstein
@gregnbronstein.bsky.social
Star Wars junkie, Marvel/DC fan, politics nerd and all around good guy
Reposted by Greg Bronstein
COKE: is pepsi okay
DR PEPPER: *removes surgical mask* we did everything we could
DR PEPPER: *removes surgical mask* we did everything we could
November 7, 2025 at 2:41 PM
COKE: is pepsi okay
DR PEPPER: *removes surgical mask* we did everything we could
DR PEPPER: *removes surgical mask* we did everything we could
Reposted by Greg Bronstein
COP: Where were you the night of the murder?
CROW: I was with a group of friends.
COP: And what would you call that group?
CROW: Uh…I want a lawyer
CROW: I was with a group of friends.
COP: And what would you call that group?
CROW: Uh…I want a lawyer
November 12, 2025 at 7:21 PM
COP: Where were you the night of the murder?
CROW: I was with a group of friends.
COP: And what would you call that group?
CROW: Uh…I want a lawyer
CROW: I was with a group of friends.
COP: And what would you call that group?
CROW: Uh…I want a lawyer
Reposted by Greg Bronstein
PERSON GASPING FOR AIR: *pushes epi pen into my hand*
ME: I said no autographs
ME: I said no autographs
November 19, 2025 at 5:12 PM
PERSON GASPING FOR AIR: *pushes epi pen into my hand*
ME: I said no autographs
ME: I said no autographs
Reposted by Greg Bronstein
DEFENSE LAWYER: *whispering* whatever you do don’t say you’re guilty
KOOL AID MAN: *nods*
PROSECUTOR: did you do it?
KOOL AID MAN: OH YEAH
KOOL AID MAN: *nods*
PROSECUTOR: did you do it?
KOOL AID MAN: OH YEAH
November 25, 2025 at 2:00 AM
DEFENSE LAWYER: *whispering* whatever you do don’t say you’re guilty
KOOL AID MAN: *nods*
PROSECUTOR: did you do it?
KOOL AID MAN: OH YEAH
KOOL AID MAN: *nods*
PROSECUTOR: did you do it?
KOOL AID MAN: OH YEAH
Reposted by Greg Bronstein
the existence of zebras implies the existence of zetitties
November 26, 2025 at 1:50 AM
the existence of zebras implies the existence of zetitties
Reposted by Greg Bronstein
[opening a party invitation from Dr Frankenstein]
annnd… it is at build-a-bear. again
annnd… it is at build-a-bear. again
September 16, 2025 at 2:12 PM
[opening a party invitation from Dr Frankenstein]
annnd… it is at build-a-bear. again
annnd… it is at build-a-bear. again
Reposted by Greg Bronstein
Obi-Wan: this kid sucks
Qui-Gon: yeah he puts the mid in midichlorians
Anakin: I heard that
Qui-Gon: I legally own you
Qui-Gon: yeah he puts the mid in midichlorians
Anakin: I heard that
Qui-Gon: I legally own you
April 20, 2024 at 7:18 PM
Obi-Wan: this kid sucks
Qui-Gon: yeah he puts the mid in midichlorians
Anakin: I heard that
Qui-Gon: I legally own you
Qui-Gon: yeah he puts the mid in midichlorians
Anakin: I heard that
Qui-Gon: I legally own you
Reposted by Greg Bronstein
Mary Jane: oh no, how did she die
Peter Parker: *remembering how he smothered Aunt May because she said spider-marriage should be between a spider-man and a spider-woman*
green goblin
Peter Parker: *remembering how he smothered Aunt May because she said spider-marriage should be between a spider-man and a spider-woman*
green goblin
May 23, 2023 at 2:14 AM
Mary Jane: oh no, how did she die
Peter Parker: *remembering how he smothered Aunt May because she said spider-marriage should be between a spider-man and a spider-woman*
green goblin
Peter Parker: *remembering how he smothered Aunt May because she said spider-marriage should be between a spider-man and a spider-woman*
green goblin
Reposted by Greg Bronstein
[in the back of a police car] are you guys mad at me?
August 1, 2025 at 5:58 AM
[in the back of a police car] are you guys mad at me?
Reposted by Greg Bronstein
“cockadoodledoo”
— Yoda telling Luke what to draw on Han’s face while he’s passed out
— Yoda telling Luke what to draw on Han’s face while he’s passed out
August 10, 2025 at 5:13 PM
“cockadoodledoo”
— Yoda telling Luke what to draw on Han’s face while he’s passed out
— Yoda telling Luke what to draw on Han’s face while he’s passed out
Reposted by Greg Bronstein
i always keep a bat under my bed in case my parents are murdered and I need inspiration to fight crime
August 7, 2025 at 3:12 PM
i always keep a bat under my bed in case my parents are murdered and I need inspiration to fight crime
Reposted by Greg Bronstein
INTERVIEWER: it says here you were captain of the debate team
ME: no i wasn’t
INTERVIEWER:
ME:
INTERVIEWER: i see why they made you captain
ME: no i wasn’t
INTERVIEWER:
ME:
INTERVIEWER: i see why they made you captain
August 10, 2025 at 10:21 PM
INTERVIEWER: it says here you were captain of the debate team
ME: no i wasn’t
INTERVIEWER:
ME:
INTERVIEWER: i see why they made you captain
ME: no i wasn’t
INTERVIEWER:
ME:
INTERVIEWER: i see why they made you captain
Reposted by Greg Bronstein
ME: ♪twinkle twinkle little star, how i wonder what you are♪
NEIL DEGRASSE TYSON: it's a big ball of hot gas that will eventually kill us all
NEIL DEGRASSE TYSON: it's a big ball of hot gas that will eventually kill us all
August 12, 2025 at 5:34 PM
ME: ♪twinkle twinkle little star, how i wonder what you are♪
NEIL DEGRASSE TYSON: it's a big ball of hot gas that will eventually kill us all
NEIL DEGRASSE TYSON: it's a big ball of hot gas that will eventually kill us all
Reposted by Greg Bronstein
SON: daddy
ME: yes robby
SON: what is this place
ME: this is a bank robby
SON: what
ME: THIS IS A BANK ROBBY
SON:
ME:
SON: why are everyone’s hands up
ME:
SON:
ME: probably cuz of my gun
ME: yes robby
SON: what is this place
ME: this is a bank robby
SON: what
ME: THIS IS A BANK ROBBY
SON:
ME:
SON: why are everyone’s hands up
ME:
SON:
ME: probably cuz of my gun
August 13, 2025 at 7:29 PM
SON: daddy
ME: yes robby
SON: what is this place
ME: this is a bank robby
SON: what
ME: THIS IS A BANK ROBBY
SON:
ME:
SON: why are everyone’s hands up
ME:
SON:
ME: probably cuz of my gun
ME: yes robby
SON: what is this place
ME: this is a bank robby
SON: what
ME: THIS IS A BANK ROBBY
SON:
ME:
SON: why are everyone’s hands up
ME:
SON:
ME: probably cuz of my gun
Reposted by Greg Bronstein
me: they’re just-
wife: don’t say it
me: ...
wife: I mean it
me: ...
wife: ...
me: lion there
wife: don’t say it
me: ...
wife: I mean it
me: ...
wife: ...
me: lion there
July 25, 2025 at 1:10 PM
me: they’re just-
wife: don’t say it
me: ...
wife: I mean it
me: ...
wife: ...
me: lion there
wife: don’t say it
me: ...
wife: I mean it
me: ...
wife: ...
me: lion there
Reposted by Greg Bronstein
IGUANA: see you later alligator
ALLIGATOR: (doesn’t know spanish) see you tomorrow iguana
ALLIGATOR: (doesn’t know spanish) see you tomorrow iguana
June 27, 2025 at 4:23 PM
IGUANA: see you later alligator
ALLIGATOR: (doesn’t know spanish) see you tomorrow iguana
ALLIGATOR: (doesn’t know spanish) see you tomorrow iguana
Reposted by Greg Bronstein
COP: you ran a red light
ME: how could i be running when i’m sitting in my car
COP: you- i- i dont- *mouthing to partner* what do i do
ME: how could i be running when i’m sitting in my car
COP: you- i- i dont- *mouthing to partner* what do i do
July 15, 2025 at 4:17 PM
COP: you ran a red light
ME: how could i be running when i’m sitting in my car
COP: you- i- i dont- *mouthing to partner* what do i do
ME: how could i be running when i’m sitting in my car
COP: you- i- i dont- *mouthing to partner* what do i do
Reposted by Greg Bronstein
A muppet cannot have an emotion, it can only have had an emotion. That’s because they’re made of felt.
June 23, 2025 at 8:23 PM
A muppet cannot have an emotion, it can only have had an emotion. That’s because they’re made of felt.
Reposted by Greg Bronstein
FRIEND: does your dad play any sports
ME: no my dad hates sports
*dad walks in*
DAD: hey there sport
ME: no my dad hates sports
*dad walks in*
DAD: hey there sport
November 23, 2024 at 9:09 PM
FRIEND: does your dad play any sports
ME: no my dad hates sports
*dad walks in*
DAD: hey there sport
ME: no my dad hates sports
*dad walks in*
DAD: hey there sport
Reposted by Greg Bronstein
PLATO: hello
SOCRATES: hi why are you
SOCRATES: hi why are you
May 27, 2025 at 2:43 PM
PLATO: hello
SOCRATES: hi why are you
SOCRATES: hi why are you
Reposted by Greg Bronstein
I told my kid if he plays my drums again there will be repercussions
...and send
...and send
May 5, 2025 at 11:26 AM
I told my kid if he plays my drums again there will be repercussions
...and send
...and send
Reposted by Greg Bronstein
You know where you are? You’re in the jungle, Charlie Brown
May 6, 2025 at 9:38 PM
You know where you are? You’re in the jungle, Charlie Brown
Reposted by Greg Bronstein
If he likes Alcatraz so much, how about
we make that his permanent residence.
we make that his permanent residence.
May 5, 2025 at 11:52 PM
If he likes Alcatraz so much, how about
we make that his permanent residence.
we make that his permanent residence.
Reposted by Greg Bronstein
PRIEST: when jesus was young he did carpentry
ME: when my goldfish goes into his little castle he also does carp entry
CONCLAVE: *makes me the new pope*
ME: when my goldfish goes into his little castle he also does carp entry
CONCLAVE: *makes me the new pope*
April 27, 2025 at 6:33 PM
PRIEST: when jesus was young he did carpentry
ME: when my goldfish goes into his little castle he also does carp entry
CONCLAVE: *makes me the new pope*
ME: when my goldfish goes into his little castle he also does carp entry
CONCLAVE: *makes me the new pope*