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THE D3 SCRANTON ROYALS UPSET PITT!!!
November 16, 2025 at 7:46 PM
THE D3 SCRANTON ROYALS UPSET PITT!!!
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Me: Sometimes I'll start microwaving my leftovers, then go pee *while* the thing's in the microwave. You just gotta get back before it starts beeping
Forbes Profiler: And this is another form of DanMaxxing?
Me: It's another form of DanMaxxing, exactly
Forbes Profiler: And this is another form of DanMaxxing?
Me: It's another form of DanMaxxing, exactly
October 28, 2025 at 5:35 PM
Me: Sometimes I'll start microwaving my leftovers, then go pee *while* the thing's in the microwave. You just gotta get back before it starts beeping
Forbes Profiler: And this is another form of DanMaxxing?
Me: It's another form of DanMaxxing, exactly
Forbes Profiler: And this is another form of DanMaxxing?
Me: It's another form of DanMaxxing, exactly
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Caillou's dad: (texting) caillou is freaking the fuck out
October 14, 2025 at 10:21 PM
Caillou's dad: (texting) caillou is freaking the fuck out
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Do y'all think the Animaniacs have soft, fur-like skin or smooth, slick skin like an orca? Either way, whatever Yakko's pulling out of those pants, I’m suckin.
March 7, 2024 at 6:35 PM
Do y'all think the Animaniacs have soft, fur-like skin or smooth, slick skin like an orca? Either way, whatever Yakko's pulling out of those pants, I’m suckin.
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*gently to my cat*: you cant be a little fucker. You have to be good. No more being a little fucker.
*My cat, purring*: the Being a Fucker hour draws near
*My cat, purring*: the Being a Fucker hour draws near
August 29, 2025 at 2:43 PM
*gently to my cat*: you cant be a little fucker. You have to be good. No more being a little fucker.
*My cat, purring*: the Being a Fucker hour draws near
*My cat, purring*: the Being a Fucker hour draws near
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HERO: You won’t get away with this!
ME: (smirking) What you fail to understand is: I already have. (I turn to casually stroll away and immediately stub my toe so severely an EMT pukes when he sees it)
ME: (smirking) What you fail to understand is: I already have. (I turn to casually stroll away and immediately stub my toe so severely an EMT pukes when he sees it)
August 12, 2025 at 5:39 AM
HERO: You won’t get away with this!
ME: (smirking) What you fail to understand is: I already have. (I turn to casually stroll away and immediately stub my toe so severely an EMT pukes when he sees it)
ME: (smirking) What you fail to understand is: I already have. (I turn to casually stroll away and immediately stub my toe so severely an EMT pukes when he sees it)
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hendon hooker v trey lance on our screens tonight
July 31, 2025 at 5:41 PM
hendon hooker v trey lance on our screens tonight
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when they close it all up, I do believe this will go down as the funniest video on the internet
July 24, 2025 at 7:51 PM
when they close it all up, I do believe this will go down as the funniest video on the internet
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Listening to obscure music
March 12, 2025 at 2:57 AM
Listening to obscure music
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Reposted by Flaherty Plumbing
Hell yeah brother
www.instagram.com/reel/DLQ7nMm...
www.instagram.com/reel/DLQ7nMm...
July 12, 2025 at 1:53 PM
Hell yeah brother
www.instagram.com/reel/DLQ7nMm...
www.instagram.com/reel/DLQ7nMm...
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Reposted by Flaherty Plumbing
I will never apologize for a post
June 13, 2025 at 2:59 PM
I will never apologize for a post
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Reposted by Flaherty Plumbing
me: you dim sum, you lose some
waiter (in chinese to other waiter): poison this man
waiter (in chinese to other waiter): poison this man
December 18, 2024 at 5:23 AM
me: you dim sum, you lose some
waiter (in chinese to other waiter): poison this man
waiter (in chinese to other waiter): poison this man
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(youth pastor voice) you know who else totally destroyed the Chipotle restroom
April 2, 2025 at 5:57 PM
(youth pastor voice) you know who else totally destroyed the Chipotle restroom
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WILD ending in Bulls/Lakers
Bulls down 115-110 with 10.1 seconds to go
— Patrick Williams 3, Bulls down 115-113
— Giddey steal on inbounds pass
— Coby White 3, Bulls go up 116-115
— Austin Reaves Layup with 3.1 seconds, Lakers up 117-115
— Giddey game winner from half court
Bulls win 119-117
Bulls down 115-110 with 10.1 seconds to go
— Patrick Williams 3, Bulls down 115-113
— Giddey steal on inbounds pass
— Coby White 3, Bulls go up 116-115
— Austin Reaves Layup with 3.1 seconds, Lakers up 117-115
— Giddey game winner from half court
Bulls win 119-117
March 28, 2025 at 3:05 AM
WILD ending in Bulls/Lakers
Bulls down 115-110 with 10.1 seconds to go
— Patrick Williams 3, Bulls down 115-113
— Giddey steal on inbounds pass
— Coby White 3, Bulls go up 116-115
— Austin Reaves Layup with 3.1 seconds, Lakers up 117-115
— Giddey game winner from half court
Bulls win 119-117
Bulls down 115-110 with 10.1 seconds to go
— Patrick Williams 3, Bulls down 115-113
— Giddey steal on inbounds pass
— Coby White 3, Bulls go up 116-115
— Austin Reaves Layup with 3.1 seconds, Lakers up 117-115
— Giddey game winner from half court
Bulls win 119-117
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Finally can upload this here.
March 10, 2025 at 8:28 PM
Finally can upload this here.
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Reposted by Flaherty Plumbing
Reposted by Flaherty Plumbing
"straight up jorkin my penits" I whisper as I fall. but a comrade steps over me and picks up my rifle. "STRAIGHT UP JORKING MY PENITS" he shouts as he charges
January 21, 2024 at 4:19 AM
"straight up jorkin my penits" I whisper as I fall. but a comrade steps over me and picks up my rifle. "STRAIGHT UP JORKING MY PENITS" he shouts as he charges
Reposted by Flaherty Plumbing
Reposted by Flaherty Plumbing
PHIL COLLINS: Here tonight is the man who inspired my next song, "Fat Shithead Clogged My Toilet."
[spotlight tracks me as I head for Exit]
[spotlight tracks me as I head for Exit]
January 10, 2025 at 9:28 PM
PHIL COLLINS: Here tonight is the man who inspired my next song, "Fat Shithead Clogged My Toilet."
[spotlight tracks me as I head for Exit]
[spotlight tracks me as I head for Exit]
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It has been a, uh, difficult week but I have not laughed louder and harder at something in a very long time than at this.
December 15, 2024 at 11:58 PM
It has been a, uh, difficult week but I have not laughed louder and harder at something in a very long time than at this.
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NIXON: This Chalamet kid—he plays Dylan?
HALDEMAN: Indeed, Mr. President.
NIXON: But he's not—
HALDEMAN: Half-Jewish, sir. The mother's side.
NIXON: My god. Didn't he play that, ah, that... degenerate chocolatier—
HALDEMAN: Wonka, sir?
NIXON: [unintelligible]
HALDEMAN: Indeed, Mr. President.
NIXON: But he's not—
HALDEMAN: Half-Jewish, sir. The mother's side.
NIXON: My god. Didn't he play that, ah, that... degenerate chocolatier—
HALDEMAN: Wonka, sir?
NIXON: [unintelligible]
December 13, 2024 at 4:54 PM
NIXON: This Chalamet kid—he plays Dylan?
HALDEMAN: Indeed, Mr. President.
NIXON: But he's not—
HALDEMAN: Half-Jewish, sir. The mother's side.
NIXON: My god. Didn't he play that, ah, that... degenerate chocolatier—
HALDEMAN: Wonka, sir?
NIXON: [unintelligible]
HALDEMAN: Indeed, Mr. President.
NIXON: But he's not—
HALDEMAN: Half-Jewish, sir. The mother's side.
NIXON: My god. Didn't he play that, ah, that... degenerate chocolatier—
HALDEMAN: Wonka, sir?
NIXON: [unintelligible]