Reposted by "zack"
Reposted by "zack"
Reposted by "zack"
If the last 10 years have been weird for you maybe check if your phone is in Disturb mode
December 22, 2025 at 9:00 PM
If the last 10 years have been weird for you maybe check if your phone is in Disturb mode
Reposted by "zack"
In the club holding a bag of my favorite bread
November 15, 2024 at 11:36 PM
In the club holding a bag of my favorite bread
Reposted by "zack"
they're garnishing my wages. they paper clip a little sprig of parsley to the check
December 19, 2025 at 8:52 PM
they're garnishing my wages. they paper clip a little sprig of parsley to the check
Reposted by "zack"
watching in stunned silence while a rube goldberg machine destroys my house and everything in it
December 17, 2025 at 9:17 AM
watching in stunned silence while a rube goldberg machine destroys my house and everything in it
Reposted by "zack"
while you studied the blade, i was eating dog food
December 17, 2025 at 9:21 PM
while you studied the blade, i was eating dog food
Reposted by "zack"
I have ARFID I cant eat pussy
December 16, 2025 at 9:30 PM
I have ARFID I cant eat pussy
Reposted by "zack"
i got kicked out of the Future Crimes Unit after i dropped my ice cream cone into the precog tank and it killed the weird little guy in it
December 15, 2025 at 7:52 PM
i got kicked out of the Future Crimes Unit after i dropped my ice cream cone into the precog tank and it killed the weird little guy in it
Reposted by "zack"
(to the witch killing the whole village) i love and support you, what they did to you was fucked up but i was actually not in town that day
December 14, 2025 at 5:19 AM
(to the witch killing the whole village) i love and support you, what they did to you was fucked up but i was actually not in town that day
Reposted by "zack"
Another murder case solved. Well.. I didn't find the real killer. I blamed a random person. But it's in the solved pile nonetheless.
December 12, 2025 at 10:01 PM
Another murder case solved. Well.. I didn't find the real killer. I blamed a random person. But it's in the solved pile nonetheless.
Reposted by "zack"
I feel great, except for my body and my mind
December 10, 2025 at 5:49 AM
I feel great, except for my body and my mind
Reposted by "zack"
I ripped out all the passenger seats in my car so I never have to give anyone a ride
December 5, 2025 at 6:43 PM
I ripped out all the passenger seats in my car so I never have to give anyone a ride
Reposted by "zack"
babe please tell me you didn't spend $45,000 on "frankenstein's car"
January 15, 2024 at 2:13 AM
babe please tell me you didn't spend $45,000 on "frankenstein's car"
Reposted by "zack"
(being interviewed by local media after a body is found in my neighborhood)
me: well pam i just hope to god it wasn't a dracula
Pam: according to our sources the body was shot several times
ME: it's not the 9th century anymore pam a dracula is more than capable of firing a gun
me: well pam i just hope to god it wasn't a dracula
Pam: according to our sources the body was shot several times
ME: it's not the 9th century anymore pam a dracula is more than capable of firing a gun
November 24, 2025 at 6:39 PM
(being interviewed by local media after a body is found in my neighborhood)
me: well pam i just hope to god it wasn't a dracula
Pam: according to our sources the body was shot several times
ME: it's not the 9th century anymore pam a dracula is more than capable of firing a gun
me: well pam i just hope to god it wasn't a dracula
Pam: according to our sources the body was shot several times
ME: it's not the 9th century anymore pam a dracula is more than capable of firing a gun
Reposted by "zack"
Mechanic [sliding out from under Optimus Prime]: I think I see what the issue is. This truck is also a big guy somehow
November 18, 2025 at 3:48 PM
Mechanic [sliding out from under Optimus Prime]: I think I see what the issue is. This truck is also a big guy somehow
the dinner of the shitting man
November 16, 2025 at 2:44 AM
the dinner of the shitting man
Reposted by "zack"
The wailing of the homies (slowed+reverb)
November 14, 2025 at 2:22 AM
The wailing of the homies (slowed+reverb)
contracted Boat Madness on dry land again
November 11, 2025 at 8:47 PM
contracted Boat Madness on dry land again
Reposted by "zack"
The key to good job security is to make yourself indispensable to your employer (e.g. by withholding the antidote)
November 10, 2025 at 12:52 PM
The key to good job security is to make yourself indispensable to your employer (e.g. by withholding the antidote)
Reposted by "zack"
the government is giving me $10 billion because i made a phone app that reminds you to kill yourself
November 7, 2025 at 4:30 AM
the government is giving me $10 billion because i made a phone app that reminds you to kill yourself
Reposted by "zack"
getting pinned by a field biologist who cuts my ill-fitting shirt off and then releases me back into the wild
November 6, 2025 at 3:04 AM
getting pinned by a field biologist who cuts my ill-fitting shirt off and then releases me back into the wild
Reposted by "zack"
i want to brush the other bones in my body. not just my teeth.
November 5, 2025 at 4:29 PM
i want to brush the other bones in my body. not just my teeth.
Reposted by "zack"
how to tell if piano is alive
November 3, 2025 at 5:22 PM
how to tell if piano is alive
Reposted by "zack"
I think I might have just hit a Paddington with my car. I think it's okay, it flew way off in the air in a humorous slapstick kind of way and went perfectly through a window. I don't know man, I'm freaking out.
November 3, 2025 at 6:15 PM
I think I might have just hit a Paddington with my car. I think it's okay, it flew way off in the air in a humorous slapstick kind of way and went perfectly through a window. I don't know man, I'm freaking out.