malort has the best advertising for any alcohol out there. “it tastes like shit, you’ll hate it, and everyone visiting you from outside the midwest will despise it” and every one goes wild for it and can’t get enough

Absolutely unbelievable ad in the community theater playbill.

The neighborhood kids keep telling me to try deez nutz even though they know I have allergies.

SHARE WIDELY.
KNOW YOUR RIGHTS.

With mass deportations starting today across the country, it is vitally important - for both citizens and non-citizens - to know your rights.

You have the right to remain silent. Assert it. You have the right to a lawyer. Ask for one.

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Nation Tires Of Deals, Bargains
theonion.com/nation-tires...

your package 🍆 is loaded 🔫 on a vehicle 🍑 for delivery 💦

Me: Hey can you do your dishes
My roommate The Buddha: Perhaps your problem is not my dishes but your attachment to a clean sink
Me: Alright man

just farted on an elevator and then someone else out farted me and then a 3rd person out farted the both of us, and then a 4th guy shit his pants, and then a 5th guy died (from all the farting and shitting) and then a 6th guy started farting Taps

A personal favorite. The older I get, the more poignant it becomes...

I. JUST. WANT. THE. RECIPE. I. DON'T. WANT. FOUR. PAGES. OF. STORY. ABOUT. HOW. THIS. WAS. YOUR. AUNT. LINDA'S. FAVORITE. DISH. ON. WINTER. ESCAPES. TO. THE. MOUNTAINS.

every time i see a jeep i think about how they are less aerodynamic than a cow but every time i see a cow i do not think about a jeep

this is the greatest day of ymy life

Me, losing in debate class: Oh yeah? Well f u c k y o u