Abam
@adambroud.bsky.social
Time to reinvent myself as the exact same person
Taking a gummy and watching inception until I can’t understand it or start to think I can
January 15, 2025 at 4:18 AM
Taking a gummy and watching inception until I can’t understand it or start to think I can
Reposted by Abam
if bowser ever kidnapped wario's girlfriend instead i bet wario would shoot him with a gun
January 13, 2025 at 5:07 AM
if bowser ever kidnapped wario's girlfriend instead i bet wario would shoot him with a gun
Reposted by Abam
wife: were you even listening
me: yes, you were quoting the teacher from peanuts
me: yes, you were quoting the teacher from peanuts
January 7, 2025 at 1:07 AM
wife: were you even listening
me: yes, you were quoting the teacher from peanuts
me: yes, you were quoting the teacher from peanuts
Reposted by Abam
Never used a tanning bed before, but I assume they put some kind of meat thermometer between your buttcheeks and it just pops up when you're done.
January 12, 2025 at 7:40 PM
Never used a tanning bed before, but I assume they put some kind of meat thermometer between your buttcheeks and it just pops up when you're done.
Reposted by Abam
in order to restore our company’s masculine dominance we have decided to pander to every male authority figure and do whatever pleases them
January 12, 2025 at 8:36 PM
in order to restore our company’s masculine dominance we have decided to pander to every male authority figure and do whatever pleases them
I’m just like everybody else. I put on my pant one leg
January 12, 2025 at 11:22 PM
I’m just like everybody else. I put on my pant one leg
Reposted by Abam
Genius is 99% perspiration. It's disgusting
January 12, 2025 at 10:22 PM
Genius is 99% perspiration. It's disgusting
Reposted by Abam
why aren’t missing dads pictured on cigarette cartons?
January 12, 2025 at 10:35 PM
why aren’t missing dads pictured on cigarette cartons?
I’m pretty sure the tooth fairy is my kid’s first exposure to the concept of organ trafficking
January 12, 2025 at 7:53 PM
I’m pretty sure the tooth fairy is my kid’s first exposure to the concept of organ trafficking
Reposted by Abam
Imagine an issue. Wrong, it's more complicated than that
November 10, 2024 at 4:58 PM
Imagine an issue. Wrong, it's more complicated than that
Reposted by Abam
hey babe this teriyaki sauce expired in (checks label) 2019 but were you keeping it for a specific purpose
January 12, 2025 at 4:19 PM
hey babe this teriyaki sauce expired in (checks label) 2019 but were you keeping it for a specific purpose
Reposted by Abam
a good predator movie would be one where the predators recognize that supremacy in physical violence is not enough. they travel, silently, through the history of human civilization, to learn what it truly means to be destructive. to hate. their violence becomes political. they start saying slurs
January 12, 2025 at 4:28 PM
a good predator movie would be one where the predators recognize that supremacy in physical violence is not enough. they travel, silently, through the history of human civilization, to learn what it truly means to be destructive. to hate. their violence becomes political. they start saying slurs
Reposted by Abam
I do not use Spotify so every time I listen to a song I have to jot it down in my little notebook & take it to my accountant at the end of the tax year so he can mail my top five songs to the federal government
December 5, 2024 at 4:59 AM
I do not use Spotify so every time I listen to a song I have to jot it down in my little notebook & take it to my accountant at the end of the tax year so he can mail my top five songs to the federal government
Sorry i can't come to the orgy i have trypophobia
November 22, 2024 at 6:50 AM
Sorry i can't come to the orgy i have trypophobia
Reposted by Abam
This account is now sponsored by the Woods™.
The Woods™: "Go ahead and go in 'em. Don't even...don't even worry about it."
The Woods™: "Go ahead and go in 'em. Don't even...don't even worry about it."
July 2, 2023 at 5:51 PM
This account is now sponsored by the Woods™.
The Woods™: "Go ahead and go in 'em. Don't even...don't even worry about it."
The Woods™: "Go ahead and go in 'em. Don't even...don't even worry about it."
Reposted by Abam
"Would you rather eat a pound of bricks or a matter baby?" she asks.
"What's a matter baby?" I ask.
I'm shown a newborn so dense the fabric of space-time sags in a deep gravity well, drawing nearby celestial objects inextricably towards it.
"Uhhhhhh… The bricks, I guess?"
"What's a matter baby?" I ask.
I'm shown a newborn so dense the fabric of space-time sags in a deep gravity well, drawing nearby celestial objects inextricably towards it.
"Uhhhhhh… The bricks, I guess?"
July 5, 2023 at 1:57 PM
"Would you rather eat a pound of bricks or a matter baby?" she asks.
"What's a matter baby?" I ask.
I'm shown a newborn so dense the fabric of space-time sags in a deep gravity well, drawing nearby celestial objects inextricably towards it.
"Uhhhhhh… The bricks, I guess?"
"What's a matter baby?" I ask.
I'm shown a newborn so dense the fabric of space-time sags in a deep gravity well, drawing nearby celestial objects inextricably towards it.
"Uhhhhhh… The bricks, I guess?"
Reposted by Abam
[Urkel voice] Did I become Death, the destroyer of worlds?
July 4, 2023 at 6:21 PM
[Urkel voice] Did I become Death, the destroyer of worlds?
Reposted by Abam
First time at the aquarium, whispering in wonder,”it’s all soup”
June 25, 2023 at 8:45 PM
First time at the aquarium, whispering in wonder,”it’s all soup”
The nicest part about blue sky is when a Twitter mutual follows you and you get that nice feeling of “wow, they really do like me”
July 5, 2023 at 2:44 PM
The nicest part about blue sky is when a Twitter mutual follows you and you get that nice feeling of “wow, they really do like me”
Reposted by Abam
[library]
hi do you have any books about when a guy is really mad at one specific whale
hi do you have any books about when a guy is really mad at one specific whale
July 3, 2023 at 6:03 PM
[library]
hi do you have any books about when a guy is really mad at one specific whale
hi do you have any books about when a guy is really mad at one specific whale
Reposted by Abam
[me telling my story how I survived a plane crash and lived on a deserted island for a year] it was crazy
[friend who once got a text from me where I accidentally called the grinch the grink] was the grink there?
[friend who once got a text from me where I accidentally called the grinch the grink] was the grink there?
July 3, 2023 at 4:13 PM
[me telling my story how I survived a plane crash and lived on a deserted island for a year] it was crazy
[friend who once got a text from me where I accidentally called the grinch the grink] was the grink there?
[friend who once got a text from me where I accidentally called the grinch the grink] was the grink there?
Reposted by Abam
GUY WHO MADE AN UNFORTUNATE HIRING CHOICE: Welcome to Jack Daniel distillery. You'll work here in the barrel aging house.
DONKEY KONG: *tugs at tie*
DONKEY KONG: *tugs at tie*
July 3, 2023 at 1:05 AM
GUY WHO MADE AN UNFORTUNATE HIRING CHOICE: Welcome to Jack Daniel distillery. You'll work here in the barrel aging house.
DONKEY KONG: *tugs at tie*
DONKEY KONG: *tugs at tie*
Reposted by Abam
Toothpaste is shampoo for your bones
July 2, 2023 at 8:46 PM
Toothpaste is shampoo for your bones