your new dad
@drankturpentine.bsky.social
used cd rack, see if something catches your eye — don't steal anything: https://tinyurl.com/hn9sja65
new releases: https://tinyurl.com/drankturpentine
new releases: https://tinyurl.com/drankturpentine
Pinned
your new dad
@drankturpentine.bsky.social
· Dec 25
jean valjean is french for pants more pants
just got my dad black belt by falling asleep to credence clearwater revival while wearing socks and sandals
February 12, 2025 at 12:09 AM
just got my dad black belt by falling asleep to credence clearwater revival while wearing socks and sandals
i just hope taylor swift has a good time
February 9, 2025 at 9:43 PM
i just hope taylor swift has a good time
Reposted by your new dad
[slips mortician $20] Great job he looks really dead
February 8, 2025 at 10:45 PM
[slips mortician $20] Great job he looks really dead
it’s the freakin weekend, baby i’m about to stare at my phone
February 8, 2025 at 7:49 PM
it’s the freakin weekend, baby i’m about to stare at my phone
the first roll of armadillo fight club is into balls
February 8, 2025 at 4:40 PM
the first roll of armadillo fight club is into balls
hamster kids: what’s for dinner
hamster mom: toilet paper roll
hamster kids: yay!
hamster mom: toilet paper roll
hamster kids: yay!
February 8, 2025 at 4:38 PM
hamster kids: what’s for dinner
hamster mom: toilet paper roll
hamster kids: yay!
hamster mom: toilet paper roll
hamster kids: yay!
me: what do you mean i can’t have eggs today
wife: *holding chicken head* we’re all making sacrifices
wife: *holding chicken head* we’re all making sacrifices
February 8, 2025 at 3:12 PM
me: what do you mean i can’t have eggs today
wife: *holding chicken head* we’re all making sacrifices
wife: *holding chicken head* we’re all making sacrifices
on you first day in prison walk up to the nicest looking guard and ask if he’ll let you out
February 8, 2025 at 2:37 PM
on you first day in prison walk up to the nicest looking guard and ask if he’ll let you out
the greatest trick the devil ever pulled is the one where you take your thumb off and slide it, there’s really no topping that one
February 8, 2025 at 3:28 AM
the greatest trick the devil ever pulled is the one where you take your thumb off and slide it, there’s really no topping that one
i saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madden 13
February 8, 2025 at 12:44 AM
i saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madden 13
everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about because you’ve been left out of yet another group chat
February 8, 2025 at 12:34 AM
everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about because you’ve been left out of yet another group chat
Reposted by your new dad
darth vader driving in a convertible: *harmonica noises*
December 28, 2024 at 7:31 PM
darth vader driving in a convertible: *harmonica noises*
Reposted by your new dad
a bookshelf that leads to a secret room with another bookshelf of books i’ve actually read
January 12, 2025 at 7:17 PM
a bookshelf that leads to a secret room with another bookshelf of books i’ve actually read
Reposted by your new dad
Trent the turtle claims he can predict who will win the Super Bowl. This is a scam.
February 7, 2025 at 11:15 PM
Trent the turtle claims he can predict who will win the Super Bowl. This is a scam.
english teacher: are you doing good or are you doing well
me: neither
me: neither
February 7, 2025 at 10:46 PM
english teacher: are you doing good or are you doing well
me: neither
me: neither
Reposted by your new dad
told my friend she was drawing her eyebrows too high and then she looked at me all surprised
February 7, 2025 at 2:25 PM
told my friend she was drawing her eyebrows too high and then she looked at me all surprised
accidentally crashed into chappell roans car and 30 chappell roans came spilling out
February 7, 2025 at 3:20 PM
accidentally crashed into chappell roans car and 30 chappell roans came spilling out
Reposted by your new dad
[bookstore]
customer: can you tell me where the do it yourself section is?
me: you are not off to a good start
customer: can you tell me where the do it yourself section is?
me: you are not off to a good start
August 6, 2023 at 3:51 PM
[bookstore]
customer: can you tell me where the do it yourself section is?
me: you are not off to a good start
customer: can you tell me where the do it yourself section is?
me: you are not off to a good start
my wife’s worried we’re eating too much plastic, but i normally don’t eat more than a five gallon bucket a month
February 5, 2025 at 4:05 PM
my wife’s worried we’re eating too much plastic, but i normally don’t eat more than a five gallon bucket a month
oh to be a fly on the wall in a telepod created for a matter transmission experiment
February 5, 2025 at 3:30 PM
oh to be a fly on the wall in a telepod created for a matter transmission experiment
Reposted by your new dad
on your last day of prison go up to the smallest guy there and smuggle him out
February 4, 2025 at 6:44 PM
on your last day of prison go up to the smallest guy there and smuggle him out
guy who won't stop talking about how he hates taylor swift gets upset when nfl shows her during games
February 4, 2025 at 7:52 PM
guy who won't stop talking about how he hates taylor swift gets upset when nfl shows her during games
Reposted by your new dad
me, quietly: they used to call me daddy long legs in high school
son: because you were tall?
wife, pretending to sleep on the couch: because he used to eat bugs
son: because you were tall?
wife, pretending to sleep on the couch: because he used to eat bugs
January 18, 2025 at 11:02 PM
me, quietly: they used to call me daddy long legs in high school
son: because you were tall?
wife, pretending to sleep on the couch: because he used to eat bugs
son: because you were tall?
wife, pretending to sleep on the couch: because he used to eat bugs
Reposted by your new dad
date: I hate when men try to woo me
ric flair: *sweating profusely*
ric flair: *sweating profusely*
December 21, 2024 at 5:58 PM
date: I hate when men try to woo me
ric flair: *sweating profusely*
ric flair: *sweating profusely*
i didn’t vote for punxsutawney phil
February 4, 2025 at 2:34 PM
i didn’t vote for punxsutawney phil