Pinned
Fool me once in a lifetime, shame on David Byrne
Fool me once, twice, three times? Shame on Lionel Richie
Fool me once, twice, three times? Shame on Lionel Richie
October 4, 2025 at 4:05 PM
Fool me once in a lifetime, shame on David Byrne
Fool me once, twice, three times? Shame on Lionel Richie
Fool me once, twice, three times? Shame on Lionel Richie
Parenthood is watching your almost-2 delicately insert peas into the tube of her squeezy applesauce, and saying "Hey, that's pretty good fine-motor"
September 15, 2025 at 4:44 PM
Parenthood is watching your almost-2 delicately insert peas into the tube of her squeezy applesauce, and saying "Hey, that's pretty good fine-motor"
Someone who is good at the occult please help me, what is my daughter summoning
July 22, 2025 at 1:11 AM
Someone who is good at the occult please help me, what is my daughter summoning
My daughter (3) going through the records: I want this one. "Boys and Hands"
February 27, 2025 at 3:16 PM
My daughter (3) going through the records: I want this one. "Boys and Hands"
Reposted by Thomas Brendel 🔀
Why love someone platonically when you can love them plate-tectonically (as two crustal masses, colliding with, sliding under, and moving past one another)
December 31, 2024 at 1:20 PM
Why love someone platonically when you can love them plate-tectonically (as two crustal masses, colliding with, sliding under, and moving past one another)
PIZZA GUY: Lemme read that back. I take the third right, second left, fifth left, second right, fourth left. Don't touch the seventh stone after the statue with the trident. Square door if there's a breeze from the east, round door otherwise
MINOTAUR: No, no
MINOTAUR: No, no
December 18, 2024 at 9:40 PM
PIZZA GUY: Lemme read that back. I take the third right, second left, fifth left, second right, fourth left. Don't touch the seventh stone after the statue with the trident. Square door if there's a breeze from the east, round door otherwise
MINOTAUR: No, no
MINOTAUR: No, no
Reposted by Thomas Brendel 🔀
Face down,
Ass up,
That my friends,
Is a feeding duck
Ass up,
That my friends,
Is a feeding duck
December 18, 2024 at 2:19 PM
Face down,
Ass up,
That my friends,
Is a feeding duck
Ass up,
That my friends,
Is a feeding duck
Reposted by Thomas Brendel 🔀
Little ditty
Bout Mike and Jo-ann
Two competing craft stores in
America's heartland
Mikey gonna sell art with a mason ja-ar
Joann make a quilt for the
back seat of the car
Smock on
Bout Mike and Jo-ann
Two competing craft stores in
America's heartland
Mikey gonna sell art with a mason ja-ar
Joann make a quilt for the
back seat of the car
Smock on
December 18, 2024 at 2:28 PM
Little ditty
Bout Mike and Jo-ann
Two competing craft stores in
America's heartland
Mikey gonna sell art with a mason ja-ar
Joann make a quilt for the
back seat of the car
Smock on
Bout Mike and Jo-ann
Two competing craft stores in
America's heartland
Mikey gonna sell art with a mason ja-ar
Joann make a quilt for the
back seat of the car
Smock on
You can get "wealth" by taking liberties with "the law"
December 15, 2024 at 7:49 PM
You can get "wealth" by taking liberties with "the law"
Hiring a Latin band to play loudly outside the office just as your rival begins his presentation is mariachiavellian
December 12, 2024 at 9:27 PM
Hiring a Latin band to play loudly outside the office just as your rival begins his presentation is mariachiavellian
Me: Give it to me straight, doc
Doctor: ANEMIA. LEAKY VALVE. ENZYME FAIL. FATAL WITHIN A WEEK
Me: Now give it to me curvy
Doctor: BOGUS BUG, BRO. GROSS CRUD. DO DRUGS, SO GOOD POOP OCCURS. GO DO DOC PROUD, DOG
Doctor: ANEMIA. LEAKY VALVE. ENZYME FAIL. FATAL WITHIN A WEEK
Me: Now give it to me curvy
Doctor: BOGUS BUG, BRO. GROSS CRUD. DO DRUGS, SO GOOD POOP OCCURS. GO DO DOC PROUD, DOG
December 12, 2024 at 2:32 PM
Me: Give it to me straight, doc
Doctor: ANEMIA. LEAKY VALVE. ENZYME FAIL. FATAL WITHIN A WEEK
Me: Now give it to me curvy
Doctor: BOGUS BUG, BRO. GROSS CRUD. DO DRUGS, SO GOOD POOP OCCURS. GO DO DOC PROUD, DOG
Doctor: ANEMIA. LEAKY VALVE. ENZYME FAIL. FATAL WITHIN A WEEK
Me: Now give it to me curvy
Doctor: BOGUS BUG, BRO. GROSS CRUD. DO DRUGS, SO GOOD POOP OCCURS. GO DO DOC PROUD, DOG
Reposted by Thomas Brendel 🔀
murderer: [looking murderly at me]
me: [holds up steaming mug that says Do Not Even Think Of Murdering Me Before I’ve Had My Coffee]
murderer: [holds up steaming mug that says I Can’t Read]
me: [holds up steaming mug that says Do Not Even Think Of Murdering Me Before I’ve Had My Coffee]
murderer: [holds up steaming mug that says I Can’t Read]
December 11, 2024 at 8:33 PM
murderer: [looking murderly at me]
me: [holds up steaming mug that says Do Not Even Think Of Murdering Me Before I’ve Had My Coffee]
murderer: [holds up steaming mug that says I Can’t Read]
me: [holds up steaming mug that says Do Not Even Think Of Murdering Me Before I’ve Had My Coffee]
murderer: [holds up steaming mug that says I Can’t Read]
"For sale: baby shoes, never worn"
Reasonably verbose? He frowns
(this is an anagram)
Reasonably verbose? He frowns
(this is an anagram)
December 10, 2024 at 8:31 PM
"For sale: baby shoes, never worn"
Reasonably verbose? He frowns
(this is an anagram)
Reasonably verbose? He frowns
(this is an anagram)
Reposted by Thomas Brendel 🔀
are there a lot of first person singular objective pronouns, or is it just me?
December 7, 2024 at 2:29 PM
are there a lot of first person singular objective pronouns, or is it just me?
Reposted by Thomas Brendel 🔀
Holy infant so tender and mild, so succulent and flavorsome, so juicy and melt-in-the-mouth
December 6, 2024 at 3:32 PM
Holy infant so tender and mild, so succulent and flavorsome, so juicy and melt-in-the-mouth
unnecessary
syllabificational
optimization
(a haiku)
syllabificational
optimization
(a haiku)
December 6, 2024 at 6:01 PM
unnecessary
syllabificational
optimization
(a haiku)
syllabificational
optimization
(a haiku)
Reposted by Thomas Brendel 🔀
You know it's authentic Russian porn when a lady takes off her clothes to reveal an identical, slightly smaller lady
December 4, 2024 at 11:37 PM
You know it's authentic Russian porn when a lady takes off her clothes to reveal an identical, slightly smaller lady
ME: Is it true, if you die in the Matrix, you die in real life?
USED CAR SALESMAN: Again, the Toyota Matrix is a very real car
USED CAR SALESMAN: Again, the Toyota Matrix is a very real car
December 5, 2024 at 7:46 PM
ME: Is it true, if you die in the Matrix, you die in real life?
USED CAR SALESMAN: Again, the Toyota Matrix is a very real car
USED CAR SALESMAN: Again, the Toyota Matrix is a very real car
Reposted by Thomas Brendel 🔀
date: i’m a single mom
me, a one-upper: i’m two moms
me, a one-upper: i’m two moms
December 5, 2024 at 1:08 PM
date: i’m a single mom
me, a one-upper: i’m two moms
me, a one-upper: i’m two moms
Bluey-heads will understand why I laughed to read the end of this chapter while watching Sticky Gecko
December 4, 2024 at 5:56 PM
Bluey-heads will understand why I laughed to read the end of this chapter while watching Sticky Gecko
Reposted by Thomas Brendel 🔀
in your moment of greatest peril, every animal you ever swerved to avoid appears to fight on your behalf
December 4, 2024 at 12:05 AM
in your moment of greatest peril, every animal you ever swerved to avoid appears to fight on your behalf
Reposted by Thomas Brendel 🔀
I like the term “loanword” because it implies the word will need to be returned at some point. “Café” is due back to the French in three days. The fines on “raccoon” have really been piling up with the Algonquin so make sure to return that this week
December 4, 2024 at 1:43 PM
I like the term “loanword” because it implies the word will need to be returned at some point. “Café” is due back to the French in three days. The fines on “raccoon” have really been piling up with the Algonquin so make sure to return that this week
[1969]
MARCIA: We're married!
GEORGE LUCAS: My beautiful fourth wife
MARCIA: what
GEORGE: Yes, later I will have three wives that come before you, nine total. I won't be involved with the last three. This is a normal way
MARCIA: We're married!
GEORGE LUCAS: My beautiful fourth wife
MARCIA: what
GEORGE: Yes, later I will have three wives that come before you, nine total. I won't be involved with the last three. This is a normal way
December 4, 2024 at 3:22 PM
[1969]
MARCIA: We're married!
GEORGE LUCAS: My beautiful fourth wife
MARCIA: what
GEORGE: Yes, later I will have three wives that come before you, nine total. I won't be involved with the last three. This is a normal way
MARCIA: We're married!
GEORGE LUCAS: My beautiful fourth wife
MARCIA: what
GEORGE: Yes, later I will have three wives that come before you, nine total. I won't be involved with the last three. This is a normal way
Cookie Monster is a great example of om nom nominative determinism
December 4, 2024 at 1:52 AM
Cookie Monster is a great example of om nom nominative determinism
Reposted by Thomas Brendel 🔀
ME *enjoying a pizza*: Mmm, just what the doctor ordered
{knock, knock}
ME *opening door*: Hello?
DOCTOR: Do you have my pizza?
{knock, knock}
ME *opening door*: Hello?
DOCTOR: Do you have my pizza?
December 3, 2024 at 2:50 PM
ME *enjoying a pizza*: Mmm, just what the doctor ordered
{knock, knock}
ME *opening door*: Hello?
DOCTOR: Do you have my pizza?
{knock, knock}
ME *opening door*: Hello?
DOCTOR: Do you have my pizza?