stabke
@stabke.bsky.social
Pinned
stabke
@stabke.bsky.social
· Jul 21
Listen. Life is short. Take the vacation. Eat the dessert. Dress like an elderly British woman to defy custody laws and see your kids. Get the guacamole yes I know it’s extra. Be extra.
Reposted by stabke
“What are we doing again?”
“Birdwatching.”
“How does this work?”
“First, we look for a bird.”
“And we eat it.”
“No, we take a picture of it.”
“Then we eat it?”
“No, we write down the name of it.”
“And then can we finally eat it?”
“We don’t eat the bird, Gerald.”
“This is stupid.”
“Birdwatching.”
“How does this work?”
“First, we look for a bird.”
“And we eat it.”
“No, we take a picture of it.”
“Then we eat it?”
“No, we write down the name of it.”
“And then can we finally eat it?”
“We don’t eat the bird, Gerald.”
“This is stupid.”
January 15, 2026 at 12:22 PM
“What are we doing again?”
“Birdwatching.”
“How does this work?”
“First, we look for a bird.”
“And we eat it.”
“No, we take a picture of it.”
“Then we eat it?”
“No, we write down the name of it.”
“And then can we finally eat it?”
“We don’t eat the bird, Gerald.”
“This is stupid.”
“Birdwatching.”
“How does this work?”
“First, we look for a bird.”
“And we eat it.”
“No, we take a picture of it.”
“Then we eat it?”
“No, we write down the name of it.”
“And then can we finally eat it?”
“We don’t eat the bird, Gerald.”
“This is stupid.”
Reposted by stabke
Time machine jokes are offensive to me. A time machine killed my great-great-grandson.
January 12, 2026 at 11:40 PM
Time machine jokes are offensive to me. A time machine killed my great-great-grandson.
Reposted by stabke
[First date]
ME: I was named after Marie Antoinette
HER: but your name is Dave
ME: I meant chronologically
ME: I was named after Marie Antoinette
HER: but your name is Dave
ME: I meant chronologically
August 20, 2025 at 8:20 PM
[First date]
ME: I was named after Marie Antoinette
HER: but your name is Dave
ME: I meant chronologically
ME: I was named after Marie Antoinette
HER: but your name is Dave
ME: I meant chronologically
Reposted by stabke
Burning a flag will never be as offensive as draping it over his coffin will be.
August 25, 2025 at 10:38 PM
Burning a flag will never be as offensive as draping it over his coffin will be.
[interrogation room]
Detective: *SLAP* I’m tired of asking, Baggins, where were you last night!
Captain: Johnson! For the last time, you can’t treat a suspect like that!
Detective: sorry, sir, it’s a hard hobbit to break
Detective: *SLAP* I’m tired of asking, Baggins, where were you last night!
Captain: Johnson! For the last time, you can’t treat a suspect like that!
Detective: sorry, sir, it’s a hard hobbit to break
January 11, 2026 at 1:49 AM
[interrogation room]
Detective: *SLAP* I’m tired of asking, Baggins, where were you last night!
Captain: Johnson! For the last time, you can’t treat a suspect like that!
Detective: sorry, sir, it’s a hard hobbit to break
Detective: *SLAP* I’m tired of asking, Baggins, where were you last night!
Captain: Johnson! For the last time, you can’t treat a suspect like that!
Detective: sorry, sir, it’s a hard hobbit to break
Reposted by stabke
Not to brag but I can now carry $250 worth of groceries into the house with one hand.
January 10, 2026 at 8:10 PM
Not to brag but I can now carry $250 worth of groceries into the house with one hand.
Reposted by stabke
Let me shave your legs, baby. It'll be sexy.
[later]
They said to keep putting pressure on it till the ambulance gets here.
[later]
They said to keep putting pressure on it till the ambulance gets here.
January 10, 2026 at 4:54 PM
Let me shave your legs, baby. It'll be sexy.
[later]
They said to keep putting pressure on it till the ambulance gets here.
[later]
They said to keep putting pressure on it till the ambulance gets here.
Reposted by stabke
It was the best of times, it clearly wasn’t the now of times.
January 10, 2026 at 3:51 PM
It was the best of times, it clearly wasn’t the now of times.
Reposted by stabke
but at least there's nothing terrifying about Mr. Beast's wide, warm smile and absolutely dead eyes
January 9, 2026 at 3:01 PM
but at least there's nothing terrifying about Mr. Beast's wide, warm smile and absolutely dead eyes
Reposted by stabke
omg how long have they been there
January 9, 2026 at 2:44 PM
omg how long have they been there
Reposted by stabke
Moving the fridge into the bedroom has proven to be a bit of a monkey's paw situation
January 9, 2026 at 1:46 PM
Moving the fridge into the bedroom has proven to be a bit of a monkey's paw situation
Reposted by stabke
“Your grandmother worked very hard on it. Just one more, then you can take it off and go play with your friends.”
January 8, 2026 at 11:50 PM
“Your grandmother worked very hard on it. Just one more, then you can take it off and go play with your friends.”
Reposted by stabke
Why is it called “animosity” when humans are far more likely than animals to hold a grudge?
January 8, 2026 at 11:26 AM
Why is it called “animosity” when humans are far more likely than animals to hold a grudge?
Reposted by stabke
i hope the first one works because i just don’t think i can fit a second one in there
January 10, 2026 at 2:15 AM
i hope the first one works because i just don’t think i can fit a second one in there
Reposted by stabke
one fish two fish
pee fish poo fish
pee fish poo fish
January 9, 2026 at 2:58 AM
one fish two fish
pee fish poo fish
pee fish poo fish
Reposted by stabke
Me: When I die, I want be cremated
Husband: Should I write that down now or wait till—
Me: Yeah no, when we're done having sex is fine
Husband: Should I write that down now or wait till—
Me: Yeah no, when we're done having sex is fine
January 9, 2026 at 4:13 AM
Me: When I die, I want be cremated
Husband: Should I write that down now or wait till—
Me: Yeah no, when we're done having sex is fine
Husband: Should I write that down now or wait till—
Me: Yeah no, when we're done having sex is fine
Interviewer: please finish this sentence: Life, Liberty, and-
Dude: underage torture porn
Interviewer: Perfect. Welcome to ICE.
Dude: underage torture porn
Interviewer: Perfect. Welcome to ICE.
January 8, 2026 at 7:53 PM
Interviewer: please finish this sentence: Life, Liberty, and-
Dude: underage torture porn
Interviewer: Perfect. Welcome to ICE.
Dude: underage torture porn
Interviewer: Perfect. Welcome to ICE.
Reposted by stabke
I don't know who needs to hear this, but cops are not allowed to shoot people just because you didn't do what they said.
That is called murder when they do that.
Some cops are working hard to convince people otherwise.
That is called murder when they do that.
Some cops are working hard to convince people otherwise.
January 8, 2026 at 5:35 AM
I don't know who needs to hear this, but cops are not allowed to shoot people just because you didn't do what they said.
That is called murder when they do that.
Some cops are working hard to convince people otherwise.
That is called murder when they do that.
Some cops are working hard to convince people otherwise.
Reposted by stabke
Fascism means never having to say you're sorry
January 8, 2026 at 12:59 AM
Fascism means never having to say you're sorry
Reposted by stabke
Interviewer: Your resume lists one of your skills as “planning evil events.” That’s a typo, right? Don’t you mean “live events”?
Me: [slowly rubbing my hands together] If you prefer.
Me: [slowly rubbing my hands together] If you prefer.
October 4, 2025 at 3:27 PM
Interviewer: Your resume lists one of your skills as “planning evil events.” That’s a typo, right? Don’t you mean “live events”?
Me: [slowly rubbing my hands together] If you prefer.
Me: [slowly rubbing my hands together] If you prefer.
Reposted by stabke
you could probably capture our president by writing "nobel peace prize" on a pie plate and putting it under one of those boxes held up with a stick tied to a string
January 6, 2026 at 4:34 AM
you could probably capture our president by writing "nobel peace prize" on a pie plate and putting it under one of those boxes held up with a stick tied to a string
Reposted by stabke
If the USA had a good Mom she'd have said no you can't have Venezuela, we have a failed State at home
January 3, 2026 at 7:05 PM
If the USA had a good Mom she'd have said no you can't have Venezuela, we have a failed State at home
Reposted by stabke
hey remember when a bunch of middle-aged drunk korean lawmakers climbed the locked gates to the national assembly to hold an emergency session after the president gave illegal orders to the military, all of which ended with said president being sentenced to prison
January 3, 2026 at 7:02 AM
hey remember when a bunch of middle-aged drunk korean lawmakers climbed the locked gates to the national assembly to hold an emergency session after the president gave illegal orders to the military, all of which ended with said president being sentenced to prison
The “child sex trafficker to world leader kidnapper” pipeline needs to be studied
January 3, 2026 at 1:43 PM
The “child sex trafficker to world leader kidnapper” pipeline needs to be studied