C.A. Pinkham
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eyepatchguy.bsky.social
C.A. Pinkham
@eyepatchguy.bsky.social
12K followers 850 following 49K posts
I write stuff and talk about restaurant stories a lot. Also I won’t shut up about the Mongolian Empire. He/him

Bylines @ Jezebel, @ Jewish Currents, @ Thrillist, @ Daily Meal, @ FanBuzz, @ FanByte

colin.a.pinkham@gmail.com
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Reposted by C.A. Pinkham
merovingians.bsky.social
he's like a working dog, without a job he tears up the furniture
February 9, 2026 at 9:23 PM
eyepatchguy.bsky.social
Who wanna slap damp, clammy bodies together
hannahgais.bsky.social hannah gais @hannahgais.bsky.social · Dec 10
When they say they're massive fucking losers, believe them.
Sólionath @Anarseldain “Having sex” (read: “getting laid,” “gettin’ dat poosay”) is the easiest thing in the world. I could make a dating app profile and lose my virginity by dinnertime. But very few people alive have ever actually had *sex.* They’ve performed a social ritual, sort of like hazing. They’ve slapped their damp, clammy body against another damp, clammy body, like the wriggling of a suffocating fish. Maybe, possibly, their tongue came into contact with another tongue during the process. It doesn’t even sound enjoyable or enviable. They’ve never made love. They’ve never experienced passion, or tried to melt into another human being. To be crude, for a moment, it sounds like it’s more or less the equivalent of a salaryman dipping into the bathroom and having a 30-second wank, simply so that he can more-easily concentrate on whichever set of numbers he is currently moving from one column of an excel sheet to another. It’s nothing but a physical phenomenon, removed of any telos. There is no desire to unify, to become one; or even at a baser level, to control, to own. Leave alone any thought of the fruit of passion, the creation of another life inside of the woman; perish the idea. There is no yearning, no primal and beastly need even, other than a poor simulacra, the simple desire to fulfill a base bodily instinct. It’s like eating—: and not to craft a meal, not to provide oneself art, not to turn passion itself into a physical, sensible monument, to provide unto oneself an appreciable reception of one’s own soul, but to microwave a frozen sandwich, or gulp down a cup of instant ramen, merely to stop one’s stomach from growling. We live in a world of walking stomachs; hylics, all. And most of it is nothing but glorified prostitution, anyways; even within most marriages which occur today. Piers’ Wife says that she wears the trousers in the family, so perhaps the dynamic is simply turned the other way, and Piers is like a sort of gigolo. Maybe he’s even too stupid to realise that that’s all he is. But all that he has ever provided to the world is nothing more than the vulgar commentary of one.
February 10, 2026 at 3:29 AM
eyepatchguy.bsky.social
The true dividing line as to whether someone is a millennial is what happens to your brain when you hear the words “United States Canada Mexico Panama”
February 10, 2026 at 3:20 AM
eyepatchguy.bsky.social
I was gonna argue with this like “no way was he the last one” and then every other example I could find retired before him. I stand corrected. Rudy Gay was the last of the long 2 specialists, like a rich man’s Nick Young who understood he was occasionally supposed to pass the ball
normcharlatan.bsky.social Norm Charlatan @normcharlatan.bsky.social · 2h
Rudy was the last shooter of the inefficient long-two. The NBA game kind of passed him by, feel like ten years earlier he might have been a real star.
amybrown.xyz amy brown @amybrown.xyz · 2h
always so funny to me when people are like “how am I supposed to explain Gay to my kids?” my kid asks me way harder shit all the time. “why did they build the road this way? why are some people bad?” I don’t know. please ask me about Gay
February 10, 2026 at 3:11 AM
eyepatchguy.bsky.social
To tack onto this: the interesting thing here is that while I didn’t understand a word of this performance, I immediately grasped the story it was telling. Unlike literally every previous SB halftime show, I didn’t have to say “what the fuck” even one time!
swin24.bsky.social Asawin Suebsaeng @swin24.bsky.social · 2h
The point of music, whatever the language, is to transcend cultural boundaries even if you don’t “understand” the language or even the instruments that are being used holy shit
February 10, 2026 at 3:00 AM
Reposted by C.A. Pinkham
britculpsapp.bsky.social
I HAVE BEEN SAYING THIS FOR DAMN NEAR 15 YEARS THANK YOU
marghoul.bsky.social Marghoul @marghoul.bsky.social · 4h
That is not a hug emoji its a damn jazz hands emoji
February 10, 2026 at 1:06 AM
Reposted by C.A. Pinkham
eyepatchguy.bsky.social
The dichotomy of Tom Wilson never ceases to amaze me:

Wilson’s opponents/the national media: “Tom Wilson is literally the devil, horrifyingly resplendent in his dastardly repugnance”

Every one of Tom Wilson’s teammates and coaches: “I WOULD LAY DOWN IN TRAFFIC FOR TOM WILSON RIGHT NOW”
February 9, 2026 at 11:34 PM
eyepatchguy.bsky.social
I have never been more sure that we are winning than I am in this moment
drewharwell.com Drew Harwell @drewharwell.com · 8h
The White House just sent a "Don't Panic" email. That'll do it
Don’t Be a Panican. We’re Winning — and We’re Not Slowing Down. Under President Donald J. Trump’s leadership, this Administration is smashing through the chaos and destruction left by Democrats and unleashing the most aggressive pursuit of the America First agenda in history. While the Fake News and Radical Left collude to distract, depress, and divide, they’re simply lying to mask the undeniable truth: America is safer, stronger, richer, and more secure than at any point in decades. Don’t take the bait. New victories pour in daily as President Trump delivers on his promises and rebuilds the foundation for long-term success in the greatest nation on Earth. Here are a few things to celebrate from just the past few days:
February 9, 2026 at 11:41 PM
Reposted by C.A. Pinkham
olufemiotaiwo.bsky.social
I do not regret to inform you that we - not the White House - are going to win
drewharwell.com Drew Harwell @drewharwell.com · 8h
The White House just sent a "Don't Panic" email. That'll do it
Don’t Be a Panican. We’re Winning — and We’re Not Slowing Down. Under President Donald J. Trump’s leadership, this Administration is smashing through the chaos and destruction left by Democrats and unleashing the most aggressive pursuit of the America First agenda in history. While the Fake News and Radical Left collude to distract, depress, and divide, they’re simply lying to mask the undeniable truth: America is safer, stronger, richer, and more secure than at any point in decades. Don’t take the bait. New victories pour in daily as President Trump delivers on his promises and rebuilds the foundation for long-term success in the greatest nation on Earth. Here are a few things to celebrate from just the past few days:
February 9, 2026 at 9:19 PM
eyepatchguy.bsky.social
There’s a non-zero chance we get a for-real Heated Rivalry between Tom Wilson and Lightning/Canada coach Jon Cooper
"Well, first of all, have you met him?" Cooper said Sunday. "He's just full of life. He's unbelievable, this guy. He just lights up the room when you come in. He's extremely positive, he's really driven, and I see why he's adored in Washington. What a teammate. Pretty fired up to have him. We all know what he can do on the ice, but he may even be better off the ice."
February 9, 2026 at 11:31 PM
eyepatchguy.bsky.social
I need Canada to kick America’s ass in hockey at the Olympics so bad, man
atrupar.com Aaron Rupar @atrupar.com · 6h
Trump, in the middle of his latest unhinged Truth Social screed, claims that if Canada makes a trade deal with China, "the first thing China will do is terminate ALL Ice Hockey being played in Canada, and permanently eliminate The Stanley Cup."
As everyone knows, the Country of Canada has treated the United States very unfairly for decades. Now, things are turning around for the U.S.A., and FAST! But imagine, Canada is building a massive bridge between Ontario and Michigan. They own both the Canada and the United States side and, of course, built it with virtually no U.S. content. President Barack Hussein Obama stupidly gave them a waiver so they could get around the BUY AMERICAN Act, and not use any American products, including our Steel. Now, the Canadian Government expects me, as President of the United States, to PERMIT them to just “take advantage of America!” What does the United States of America get — Absolutely NOTHING! Ontario won't even put U.S. spirits, beverages, and other alcoholic products, on their shelves, they are absolutely prohibited from doing so and now, on top of everything else, Prime Minister Carney wants to make a deal with China — which will eat Canada alive. We’ll just get the leftovers! I don't think so. The first thing China will do is terminate ALL Ice Hockey being played in Canada, and permanently eliminate The Stanley Cup. The Tariffs Canada charges us for our Dairy products have, for many years, been unacceptable, putting our Farmers at great financial risk. I will not allow this bridge to open until the United States is fully compensated for everything we have given them, and also, importantly, Canada treats the United States with the Fairness and Respect that we deserve. We will start negotiations, IMMEDIATELY. With all that we have given them, we should own, perhaps, at least one half of this asset. The revenues generated because of the U.S. Market will be astronomical. Thank you for your attention to this matter!
February 9, 2026 at 11:24 PM
eyepatchguy.bsky.social
Wild how much of a shithead you have to be for Logan Paul to parachute in as a voice of decency
jbendery.bsky.social Jen Bendery @jbendery.bsky.social · 13h
here's this guy's brother btw
February 9, 2026 at 11:23 PM
Reposted by C.A. Pinkham
lauren.rotatingsandwiches.com
gatorade is owned by pepsico but it's the coca cola of the sports drink market. powerade in turn is owned by coca cola, but it's unquestionably the pepsi of sports drinks. this should be plainly obvious to all
February 9, 2026 at 10:03 PM
eyepatchguy.bsky.social
HA HA HA HA IM GONNA THROW MYSELF IN THE RIVER
eyepatchguy.bsky.social C.A. Pinkham @eyepatchguy.bsky.social · 13h
Whoever invented teething belongs in jail
February 9, 2026 at 3:47 PM
eyepatchguy.bsky.social
Ms Rachel video for babies did “what’s in the box” and I don’t think you understand how hard I cackled
February 9, 2026 at 3:36 PM
eyepatchguy.bsky.social
Whoever invented teething belongs in jail
February 9, 2026 at 3:27 PM
eyepatchguy.bsky.social
“Suspected political message” is so fucking funny, they couldn’t even get Erik Estrada to come translate it for them
February 9, 2026 at 11:06 AM
Reposted by C.A. Pinkham
bencollins.bsky.social
It's not even midnight and we're already at "Deport Elmo."
Elmo @elmo · 1h That Bunny was AMAZING. Elmo thinks he should be called Good Bunny! Elmo loves you, Mr. Good Bunny! ❤️🎶🐰 Based Yankee @thebasedyankee You and Bad Bunny should be deported
February 9, 2026 at 3:15 AM
eyepatchguy.bsky.social
Not kidding when I say he legitimately should win
sickoscommittee.org Sickos Committee @sickoscommittee.org · 1d
PSA: SEAHAWKS KICKER JASON MYERS IS NOW ON THE SUPER BOWL MVP BALLOT

VOTE NOW ON YOUR PHONES

www.nfl.com/super-bowl/m...
February 9, 2026 at 3:04 AM
eyepatchguy.bsky.social
@nameshiv.bsky.social how you doing bud
February 9, 2026 at 3:03 AM
eyepatchguy.bsky.social
Is it weird that I love that they did all the photos with each player like they were in a lands end catalogue
February 9, 2026 at 2:31 AM
Reposted by C.A. Pinkham
joshksky.bsky.social
To get get get people to the polls
February 9, 2026 at 2:07 AM
Reposted by C.A. Pinkham
clapifyoulikeme.favrd.social
Just in case
February 9, 2026 at 2:06 AM
eyepatchguy.bsky.social
I fucking KNEW that was Pedro pascal!
February 9, 2026 at 2:02 AM
Reposted by C.A. Pinkham
slclunk.com
Flyover country facebook uncles are inventing new slurs
February 9, 2026 at 1:22 AM