amy brown
banner
amybrown.xyz
amy brown
@amybrown.xyz
🌎 sf bay via ohio
🔗 amybrown.xyz
🐶 benny
Pinned
periodic lore dump for the newbies
you have reached the Wendy's Twitter lady
amybrown.xyz
Reposted by amy brown
You might have heard that "the best revenge is a life well lived." But that's because your school was underfunded and you had old textbooks from before scientists invented the Revengerator.
January 20, 2026 at 4:21 AM
Reposted by amy brown
I just woke up from a nap and somehow while I was asleep, everyone on the bus has figured out we are not going to the right place
January 20, 2026 at 1:57 AM
Reposted by amy brown
did you know a Chilean Flamingo mysteriously appeared in Hayward in the 80s and nobody is sure how they got there? did you know that this same bird is still alive today and hangs out in the salt ponds?

well, now you do
January 20, 2026 at 1:46 AM
Reposted by amy brown
damn this guy been hoisted by his own petard, a saying that i made up btw
January 20, 2026 at 12:31 AM
bruh
Now he's claiming to have invented "I read the rest of the poem" saying.
January 20, 2026 at 12:24 AM
Reposted by amy brown
complaining about engagement is so funny because like. post better
January 20, 2026 at 12:16 AM
Reposted by amy brown
who the fuck WANTS their posts to go viral, have you ever had that actually happen? it's like getting a winning pull on a slot machine if wasps started pouring out the bottom instead of quarters
January 19, 2026 at 11:48 PM
Reposted by amy brown
*frantically googling*

moral arc bent wrong how to fix

wikihow diy moral arc fix

moral arc technician near me
Who up bending they arc toward justice
January 19, 2026 at 8:38 PM
oh shit. the description for the latest episode of 9-1-1 is "a new AI call center assistant creates complications" let's goooo
January 19, 2026 at 11:06 PM
Reposted by amy brown
jack asked if i would sketch up a poster to tell people in nearby neighborhoods about the partnership between flock and ring, and this is what i came up with. it can be printed on an 8.5x11 sheet of paper.
January 19, 2026 at 8:15 PM
Reposted by amy brown
listen up, kids
January 19, 2026 at 8:49 PM
Reposted by amy brown
“I’d freeze a baby”
January 19, 2026 at 8:35 PM
you wouldn’t freeze a baby. so why would you freeze the rent
imagine if you took all the city's meat and put it in a freezer
January 19, 2026 at 8:33 PM
4 year old got his first real haircut today and he looks very handsome and Very Big
January 19, 2026 at 8:31 PM
in 2017 I got a rental car stuck in sand outside joshua tree and the first person to pull over to help me was very sketchy. then a second dude pulled up to help and when the first guy went back to his truck to get a shovel he said “I’m not gonna leave you alone with that guy”
TIMELINE CLEANSE

When's a time that a stranger helped you in an unexpected, maybe even small way?
January 19, 2026 at 7:41 PM
recession indicator
January 19, 2026 at 7:23 PM
made a little vegan salad for myself for lunch today and thought finally, I can eat in peace, nobody else will want this. WRONG! the baby has eaten all my lentils and is now chanting “more dots”
January 19, 2026 at 7:08 PM
Reposted by amy brown
Nobel Participation Prize
January 19, 2026 at 4:02 PM
i always lose my shit when i remember "you cannot kill me in a way that matters" comes from a tumblr post about mushrooms
Speak, muses — tell me about a sentence or phrase that you read in someone's ephemeral post on a long-dead online forum but has lived rent-free in your head ever since
January 19, 2026 at 6:35 PM
Reposted by amy brown
Last night, I asked the kids what they did on the train and #2 said he "played a game with grandma called... whorebitch?" and I said what and he said corebitch? And I said what and #1 said cribbage? And #2 said yeah cribitz.
January 19, 2026 at 5:40 PM
husband: “you can’t have jello for breakfast”

4 year old: “this isn’t jello. it’s pudding”

husband: “ok but—“

4 year old: “jello is just the name of the company”

husband: “ok. but you can’t have it for breakfast”

4 year old: “ok. it’s still not jello”
January 19, 2026 at 3:16 PM
Reposted by amy brown
4 year old got out the box of dominoes and said “i’m into a relaxing game tonight.” then when he got bored he said “i’m not really in a gaming mood”
January 19, 2026 at 2:31 AM
Reposted by amy brown
Happy Martin Luther King, Jr. Day

Roger Sterling's response to MLK's assassination on MAD MEN sorta sums up the entire series, and acts as a grim reminder of where we still are in America
January 19, 2026 at 1:21 PM
4 year old got out the box of dominoes and said “i’m into a relaxing game tonight.” then when he got bored he said “i’m not really in a gaming mood”
January 19, 2026 at 2:31 AM