Breakfast 🍩☕️🍑
@donutscoffeeme.bsky.social
Queen of stoner munchies. Hedonistic trollop. Fat kid. NSFWish. Pervy humor. General silliness. Mental health realness. Body positive. 42. She/her. FDT. 🌷🌻🏳️🌈
My skeets: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:yap3mq6zjuvocyxwtrdatbuk/feed/aaagwp4n4v4e6
My skeets: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:yap3mq6zjuvocyxwtrdatbuk/feed/aaagwp4n4v4e6
Pinned
Brain like pornhub, body like food network.
Reposted by Breakfast 🍩☕️🍑
This site needs a "turn off retweets" button.
November 11, 2025 at 5:28 AM
This site needs a "turn off retweets" button.
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Male pattern kindness
November 9, 2025 at 12:39 AM
Male pattern kindness
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what if we made out in the deli section of the grocery store
November 10, 2025 at 6:38 AM
what if we made out in the deli section of the grocery store
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Any time I don’t know the answer to a question, I say “the surgeon was the boy’s mother” just in case
November 11, 2025 at 12:46 AM
Any time I don’t know the answer to a question, I say “the surgeon was the boy’s mother” just in case
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Sometimes my thoughts hit harder than the weed that caused them.
November 11, 2025 at 1:15 AM
Sometimes my thoughts hit harder than the weed that caused them.
I tried to entertain myself, but I'm boring as fuck.
November 11, 2025 at 1:18 AM
I tried to entertain myself, but I'm boring as fuck.
Well I would go fuck myself, but the way today is going my vibrator would probably die half way through.
November 10, 2025 at 11:36 PM
Well I would go fuck myself, but the way today is going my vibrator would probably die half way through.
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Peace, Love & Salty Kisses is a weird sign to hang in a bathroom
November 10, 2025 at 11:32 PM
Peace, Love & Salty Kisses is a weird sign to hang in a bathroom
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I think that’s enough of raw-dogging life, going forward I’m leaning heavily into LSD.
November 10, 2025 at 2:53 PM
I think that’s enough of raw-dogging life, going forward I’m leaning heavily into LSD.
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It’s not true love until you know their ALT account
November 10, 2025 at 9:54 PM
It’s not true love until you know their ALT account
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“You’re perfect and I can handle you just fine.”
This could work on me. 🩷🩷🩷
This could work on me. 🩷🩷🩷
November 10, 2025 at 8:53 PM
“You’re perfect and I can handle you just fine.”
This could work on me. 🩷🩷🩷
This could work on me. 🩷🩷🩷
By this metric, I turn into a dad every winter. Hmu.
ridding your throat of phlegm 100 times a day is a dad rite of clearing passage
November 10, 2025 at 10:24 PM
By this metric, I turn into a dad every winter. Hmu.
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ridding your throat of phlegm 100 times a day is a dad rite of clearing passage
November 10, 2025 at 6:10 PM
ridding your throat of phlegm 100 times a day is a dad rite of clearing passage
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[on a date, playing the drum solo from Wipeout on my belly with spoons for the third time]
Me: Yeah it's just so hard to find someone ready to settle down, y'know?
Me: Yeah it's just so hard to find someone ready to settle down, y'know?
November 10, 2025 at 9:57 PM
[on a date, playing the drum solo from Wipeout on my belly with spoons for the third time]
Me: Yeah it's just so hard to find someone ready to settle down, y'know?
Me: Yeah it's just so hard to find someone ready to settle down, y'know?
Reposted by Breakfast 🍩☕️🍑
hello monday my old friend
you didnt bring me sex again 🎵
you brought me stress, work and meetings
and morons sending gifs on teams...
you didnt bring me sex again 🎵
you brought me stress, work and meetings
and morons sending gifs on teams...
November 10, 2025 at 4:29 PM
hello monday my old friend
you didnt bring me sex again 🎵
you brought me stress, work and meetings
and morons sending gifs on teams...
you didnt bring me sex again 🎵
you brought me stress, work and meetings
and morons sending gifs on teams...
Reposted by Breakfast 🍩☕️🍑
Wife: I'm going to call my sister in Germany. What time do you think it's there?
Me: Stop. Hamburg time.
Wife: I'll call her tomorrow.
Me: Stop. Hamburg time.
Wife: I'll call her tomorrow.
November 10, 2025 at 9:52 PM
Wife: I'm going to call my sister in Germany. What time do you think it's there?
Me: Stop. Hamburg time.
Wife: I'll call her tomorrow.
Me: Stop. Hamburg time.
Wife: I'll call her tomorrow.
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i’m willing to pay someone to crack open my skull and drop kick my brain into the sun
October 28, 2025 at 3:53 PM
i’m willing to pay someone to crack open my skull and drop kick my brain into the sun
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I laugh, not because I'm happy. I laugh because I've lost my goddamned mind.
November 10, 2025 at 9:42 PM
I laugh, not because I'm happy. I laugh because I've lost my goddamned mind.
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i don’t trust most of you to sit in the emergency exit row
November 5, 2025 at 7:24 PM
i don’t trust most of you to sit in the emergency exit row
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during a conversation with my bestie, I had to google how much it will cost to cremate me if I drop dead while on disability, and dudes! it is only like $2300, so we totally are gonna be able to afford this if y’all pitch in.
November 10, 2025 at 10:06 PM
during a conversation with my bestie, I had to google how much it will cost to cremate me if I drop dead while on disability, and dudes! it is only like $2300, so we totally are gonna be able to afford this if y’all pitch in.
Reposted by Breakfast 🍩☕️🍑
Pour one out for our guys laying on the ground with their mouths open
November 10, 2025 at 9:56 PM
Pour one out for our guys laying on the ground with their mouths open
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you’re pretty cool but you know what would make you even cooler? using alt text
November 10, 2025 at 4:55 PM
you’re pretty cool but you know what would make you even cooler? using alt text
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I have decided I would like to have a great time, sometime soon, in some way, shape or form
November 10, 2025 at 9:44 PM
I have decided I would like to have a great time, sometime soon, in some way, shape or form
I had avocado toast and a fancy coffee for lunch and the bank called to cancel my mortgage.
November 10, 2025 at 10:10 PM
I had avocado toast and a fancy coffee for lunch and the bank called to cancel my mortgage.
Hey Canada, watch where you're putting that thing.
November 9, 2025 at 10:00 PM
Hey Canada, watch where you're putting that thing.