Bob Heller
@bobheller.bsky.social
I’m Bob. My penis is 4 inches but thick as a beer can, has 2 heads and can kill a pair of doves from 17 feet.
Oh hey, bobhellertees.com is still kind of a thing
Kind of.
shitskeets: https://tinyurl.com/hxaja4ba
Oh hey, bobhellertees.com is still kind of a thing
Kind of.
shitskeets: https://tinyurl.com/hxaja4ba
Pinned
Bob Heller
@bobheller.bsky.social
· Nov 23
If you put a lasagna on top of another lasagna, it’s no longer two lasagnas. It’s one giant lasagna. THAT is the power of lasagna.
Don’t wanna brag but I’m pretty good at not killing people.
February 11, 2026 at 1:54 PM
Don’t wanna brag but I’m pretty good at not killing people.
Reposted by Bob Heller
I built a time machine but past me won't suck present me's dick.
And if I suck past me's dick he'll have no reason to build time machine.
And if I suck past me's dick he'll have no reason to build time machine.
November 25, 2024 at 5:51 AM
I built a time machine but past me won't suck present me's dick.
And if I suck past me's dick he'll have no reason to build time machine.
And if I suck past me's dick he'll have no reason to build time machine.
Reposted by Bob Heller
guy about to announce the invention of the chair: you're gonna wanna sit down for this.
February 10, 2026 at 12:36 PM
guy about to announce the invention of the chair: you're gonna wanna sit down for this.
I used so much toilet paper on a wet crap that I think somebody might need to call the cops.
February 9, 2026 at 1:31 AM
I used so much toilet paper on a wet crap that I think somebody might need to call the cops.
Reposted by Bob Heller
For more singing toilets tune into the Turning Point USA halftime show
February 9, 2026 at 12:52 AM
For more singing toilets tune into the Turning Point USA halftime show
I'll take refried beans to a Super Bowl party and call it 1-Layer Dip just to be fancy.
February 9, 2026 at 12:19 AM
I'll take refried beans to a Super Bowl party and call it 1-Layer Dip just to be fancy.
Reposted by Bob Heller
It's always interesting to see which Super Bowl team Jesus punishes.
February 8, 2026 at 11:29 PM
It's always interesting to see which Super Bowl team Jesus punishes.
Spinach and artichoke dip in a bread bowl or GTFO!
February 9, 2026 at 12:01 AM
Spinach and artichoke dip in a bread bowl or GTFO!
Reposted by Bob Heller
[Super hero registration]
"So bat man, you're blind I suppose."
"No."
"But you can fly? Like a bat?"
"Nope."
"Um so"
"I'M BATMAN"
"K"
"So bat man, you're blind I suppose."
"No."
"But you can fly? Like a bat?"
"Nope."
"Um so"
"I'M BATMAN"
"K"
December 3, 2024 at 3:13 AM
[Super hero registration]
"So bat man, you're blind I suppose."
"No."
"But you can fly? Like a bat?"
"Nope."
"Um so"
"I'M BATMAN"
"K"
"So bat man, you're blind I suppose."
"No."
"But you can fly? Like a bat?"
"Nope."
"Um so"
"I'M BATMAN"
"K"
Reposted by Bob Heller
May all of your bowls be super
February 8, 2026 at 8:49 PM
May all of your bowls be super
Reposted by Bob Heller
"Ok. What can we wrap in what?"
-- Taco Bell Executive
-- Taco Bell Executive
November 27, 2024 at 3:46 PM
"Ok. What can we wrap in what?"
-- Taco Bell Executive
-- Taco Bell Executive
Reposted by Bob Heller
The only Patriots I support are the men and women of Taco Bell who provide this great nation with Chalupas whenever we want them
February 8, 2026 at 4:18 PM
The only Patriots I support are the men and women of Taco Bell who provide this great nation with Chalupas whenever we want them
How much Drake
May a Drake Maye make
If a Drake Maye may meet
Drake
May a Drake Maye make
If a Drake Maye may meet
Drake
February 8, 2026 at 7:24 PM
How much Drake
May a Drake Maye make
If a Drake Maye may meet
Drake
May a Drake Maye make
If a Drake Maye may meet
Drake
Reposted by Bob Heller
BREAKING: The Epstein survivors are releasing this ad on this Super Bowl Sunday to send the message that they will not “move on” from the largest sex trafficking scandal in the world. #standwithsurvivors
February 8, 2026 at 5:07 PM
BREAKING: The Epstein survivors are releasing this ad on this Super Bowl Sunday to send the message that they will not “move on” from the largest sex trafficking scandal in the world. #standwithsurvivors
Reposted by Bob Heller
The Birther-in-Chief's disgusting history of racism has its own page on Wikipedia.
See for yourself, here: shorturl.at/UQaXQ
See for yourself, here: shorturl.at/UQaXQ
February 7, 2026 at 7:38 PM
The Birther-in-Chief's disgusting history of racism has its own page on Wikipedia.
See for yourself, here: shorturl.at/UQaXQ
See for yourself, here: shorturl.at/UQaXQ
Reposted by Bob Heller
at 200 followers i will forgive my dad
February 7, 2026 at 5:02 PM
at 200 followers i will forgive my dad
If you like making your butt clap, reskeet this skeet.
If you LOVE making your butt clap…
MAKE YOUR BUTT CLAP!!!!
If you LOVE making your butt clap…
MAKE YOUR BUTT CLAP!!!!
February 7, 2026 at 7:26 PM
If you like making your butt clap, reskeet this skeet.
If you LOVE making your butt clap…
MAKE YOUR BUTT CLAP!!!!
If you LOVE making your butt clap…
MAKE YOUR BUTT CLAP!!!!
Reposted by Bob Heller
me on my way to post the dumbest shit you've ever seen
February 10, 2025 at 1:33 PM
me on my way to post the dumbest shit you've ever seen
Reposted by Bob Heller
A woman lies on the gynecologist’s table with a duck on her head. The gynecologist says, “Well, I’m afraid you have something gross and disgusting in your vagina.”
The woman is like, “Oh my-“
And the gynecologist says, “I was talking to the duck.”
The woman is like, “Oh my-“
And the gynecologist says, “I was talking to the duck.”
January 4, 2025 at 1:15 PM
A woman lies on the gynecologist’s table with a duck on her head. The gynecologist says, “Well, I’m afraid you have something gross and disgusting in your vagina.”
The woman is like, “Oh my-“
And the gynecologist says, “I was talking to the duck.”
The woman is like, “Oh my-“
And the gynecologist says, “I was talking to the duck.”
Reposted by Bob Heller
I want a woman who will talk dirty in a Macho Man Randy Savage voice.
December 10, 2023 at 2:59 PM
I want a woman who will talk dirty in a Macho Man Randy Savage voice.
Reposted by Bob Heller
Society: Be polite. Work hard, and you might be rewarded.
Some jackass: What if I’m a dickwad?
Society: Well obviously that gets you everything
Some jackass: What if I’m a dickwad?
Society: Well obviously that gets you everything
February 5, 2026 at 4:04 PM
Society: Be polite. Work hard, and you might be rewarded.
Some jackass: What if I’m a dickwad?
Society: Well obviously that gets you everything
Some jackass: What if I’m a dickwad?
Society: Well obviously that gets you everything
I love my duvet cover so much I got a duvet cover cover.
February 6, 2026 at 4:14 AM
I love my duvet cover so much I got a duvet cover cover.
Reposted by Bob Heller
The placebo effect was named after John Placebo, who loved effects
December 28, 2025 at 8:03 AM
The placebo effect was named after John Placebo, who loved effects
Reposted by Bob Heller
My sleep number is boobs.
June 13, 2025 at 1:01 PM
My sleep number is boobs.
Reposted by Bob Heller
Emotional support big naturals
February 4, 2026 at 6:14 PM
Emotional support big naturals