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bfive.bsky.social
brian
@bfive.bsky.social
57 followers 230 following 300 posts
pluviophile. avid indoorsman. misanthrope. nerd. enjoyer of fine foods and whisk(e)ys.
he/him.
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bfive.bsky.social
I made it to mountain time midnight, which is more than I expected! But now...I sleep. Happy new year, I hope.
January 1, 2026 at 7:19 AM
bfive.bsky.social
Going into 2026 like
January 1, 2026 at 6:08 AM
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maddenifico.bsky.social
Kalen Dion is not wrong. 😳👇
December 27, 2025 at 10:44 PM
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dopestatistics.bsky.social
Going into 2026 like
Pink eyes gingerbread girlie. Her eyes look like theyre bleeding but her dress is nice and glittery.
December 24, 2025 at 2:33 AM
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durrell.bsky.social
Pantone just updated their Color Of The Year
December 20, 2025 at 7:23 PM
bfive.bsky.social
This thread is perfection
kellysue.bsky.social Kelly Sue DeConnick @kellysue.bsky.social · 13d
I sent my husband a link to the Norma Kamali pop up sale with a note saying it wasn't a hint, there's not much there for my height, but I just wanted him to see how cool the looks were. This thread is a SAMPLING of what he sent back...
December 19, 2025 at 11:11 PM
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catvalente.bsky.social
Since yesterday, many people have DM’d to say that they were strongly affected by my essay & wished they could share it.

So I've revised, expanded, & posted it for free on both Substack & Patreon.

Please feel free to share.

www.patreon.com/posts/this-i...

catvalente.substack.com/p/this-is-wh...
December 19, 2025 at 5:24 PM
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gwillow.me
There are sick burns, and then there is the kind of 3rd degree that chars the entire epidermis like bacon
emilynussbaum.bsky.social Emily Nussbaum @emilynussbaum.bsky.social · 17d
Virginia Heffernan wrote this shortly after the 2016 election and it still holds true
THIS is what makes my head spin: The president is not a moral figure in any idiom, any land, any culture, any subculture. I'm not talking about the liberal enlightenment that would make him want the country to take care of the poor and sick. I mean he has no Republican values either. He has no honor among thieves, no cosa nostra loyalty, no Southern code against cheating or lying, none of the openness of New York, rectitude of Boston, expressiveness and kindness of California, no evangelical family values, no Protestant work ethic. No Catholic moral seriousness, no sense of contrition or gratitude. No Jewish moral and intellectual precision, sense of history. He doesn't care about the life of the mind OR the life of the senses. He is not mandarin, not committed to inquiry or justice, not hospitable. He is not proper. He is not a bon vivant who loves to eat, drink, laugh. There's nothing he would die for - not American values, obviously, but not the land of Russia or his wife or young son. He has some hollow success creeds from Norman Vincent Peale, but Peale was obsessed with fair-dealing and a Presbyterian pastor; Trump has no fairness or piety. He's not sentimental; no affection for dogs or babies. No love for mothers, "the common man"" veterans. He has no sense of military valor, and is openly a coward about war. He would have sorely lacked the pagan beauty and capacity to fight required in ancient Greece. He doesn't care about his wife or wives; he is a philanderer but he's not a romantic hero with great love for women and sex. He commands loyalty and labor from his children not because he loves them, even; he seems almost to hate them — and if one of them slipped it would be terrifying. He does no philanthropy. He doesn't - in a more secular key - even seem to have a sense of his enlightened self-interest enough to shake Angela Merkel's hand. Doesn't even affect a love for the arts, like most rich New Yorkers. He doesn't live and die by aesthetics and health practices like some fascists; he's very ugly and barely mammalian. Am I missing an obscure moral system to which he so much as nods? Also are there other people, living or dead, like him?
December 16, 2025 at 4:11 PM
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mikedrucker.bsky.social
i stand by this statement every year
tweet reading: GAME TRAILER: “Enter a world beyond belief...” ME: “Yes” GAME TRAILER: “An adventure like never before...” ME: “YES” GAME TRAILER: “Join your friends online” ME: “I’m out”
December 12, 2025 at 1:27 AM
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scalzi.com
It's a longshot people will get this joke
A re-enactment of English Longbowmen at the Battle of Agincourt, with the words "All I Want For Christmas Is Yew" at the bottom of the picture. You see, my dear alt-text readers, Yew wood was the preferred wood for longbows, prized for its strength and flexibility. So it would make sense that the bowmen might want yew for Christmas. This is a pun, a terrible Christmas pun, playing off that Mariah Carey song, you know the once, yes you do. I'm a bad person for making this pun. I am so sorry.
December 8, 2025 at 9:05 PM
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nasboat.org
you know how i know im a 44yo dad? how much i laughed at this shit
bubs, i’ve only got two, maybe three Motown puns left in me. Four tops.
December 6, 2025 at 3:31 AM
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proptermalone.bsky.social
it’s easier for some people to come up with a Jeopardy! anecdote than others
December 2, 2025 at 4:13 AM
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samthielman.com
AD-ROCK: Yo Ebenezer you gotta show re-
BEASTIES: MORSE
AD-ROCK: Redemption is not a mere matter of
Beasties: COURSE
MIKE D: We’ll show you Bob Cratchit’s not a lazy
BEASTIES: MOOCHER
MCA: We’re Christmas Past
MIKE D: Christmas Present
BEASTIES: AND CHRISTMAS FUTURE
January 5, 2025 at 8:01 PM
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localswampgay.bsky.social
Buffy and Faith dancing to Doechii to cleanse the timeline
November 30, 2025 at 8:06 PM
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tommysiegel.bsky.social
ok this joke might be a little too specific
November 29, 2025 at 7:10 PM
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keelin12ft.bsky.social
Happy Thanksgiving
A four-panel meme from the animated show King of the Hill. In the first panel, John Redcorn, an indigenous man, responds “Yes?” while looking at a blond boy Bobby Hill in a classroom. In the second panel, Bobby looks confused and asks, “Are you sure it’s the white man who did all that stuff?” The third panel shows Bobby gesturing toward himself and saying, “Because I come from white people,” and the fourth panel continues with him saying, “and this is the first I’m hearing of it.”
November 27, 2025 at 2:23 PM
bfive.bsky.social
Sending love to everyone choosing to avoid spending time with evangelical family this holiday season ❤️
jeremywins.bsky.social Jeremy Nguyen @jeremywins.bsky.social · Nov 28
🦃👴🏻👵🏼
November 27, 2025 at 6:59 PM
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pwhltorrent.bsky.social
Ladies and gentleman, the first-ever Seattle Torrent goal 🥹
November 22, 2025 at 3:51 AM
bfive.bsky.social
Very excited for this season opener! Let's go, Torrent!
pwhltorrent.bsky.social Seattle Torrent @pwhltorrent.bsky.social · Nov 21
Officially dropping the puck on our inaugural szn 🤩
GAMEDAY! Seattle Torrent face the Vancouver Goldeneyes at Pacific Coliseum on November 21 at 7:00PM PT. Fans can watch the game on KONG (Pictured: #21 Forward, Hilary Knight)
November 22, 2025 at 3:14 AM
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thebeaverton.com
News In Photo:
Satirical news headline: Musk invents Grok Imagine after running out of women to divorce him
November 14, 2025 at 2:08 AM
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prowhaledad.bsky.social
for the record, this is how the @nytimes.com covered Bloomberg, a man elected to the same office as Katie Wilson with the exact same amount of experience in public office as Katie Wilson, but whom the paper did not view with obvious contempt www.nytimes.com/2001/11/07/n...
November 13, 2025 at 10:03 PM
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coachfinstock.bsky.social
The first rule of pedo club is let Jeffrey know you're in pedo club
November 12, 2025 at 10:17 PM
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poivrotfarci.bsky.social
The party exists to fundraise off sustained mediocrity. Nothing else.
November 11, 2025 at 5:00 PM