a ball of goof
@zutigard.bsky.social
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These are not serious people.
November 19, 2025 at 9:05 AM
These are not serious people.
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[On a date]
Me: *screams in the combined voices of every life form I’ve assimilated*
Her: wait are you a Thing?
Me: *screams in the combined voices of every life form I’ve assimilated*
Her: wait are you a Thing?
October 20, 2025 at 12:25 AM
[On a date]
Me: *screams in the combined voices of every life form I’ve assimilated*
Her: wait are you a Thing?
Me: *screams in the combined voices of every life form I’ve assimilated*
Her: wait are you a Thing?
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Cracker Barrel is just Waffle House for people who can’t throw a chair or a decent punch.
August 22, 2025 at 11:41 AM
Cracker Barrel is just Waffle House for people who can’t throw a chair or a decent punch.
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i dont think anyone experiences romantic love after 35. like your genes dont activate that feeling anymore because you should be dead by sabretooth tiger attack by now
October 6, 2025 at 12:53 AM
i dont think anyone experiences romantic love after 35. like your genes dont activate that feeling anymore because you should be dead by sabretooth tiger attack by now
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Her: What's your body count?
Me: I haven't killed anyone yet.
Me: I haven't killed anyone yet.
October 2, 2025 at 7:52 AM
Her: What's your body count?
Me: I haven't killed anyone yet.
Me: I haven't killed anyone yet.
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If delivery services actually start using drones I reserve the right to use electronic warfare
October 2, 2025 at 11:44 AM
If delivery services actually start using drones I reserve the right to use electronic warfare
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USMC SAW gunner, 2026, in full kit:
“Ew, Starbucks?! Really, bro? The coffee at Exquisite Creatures on Ash Street is so much better than Starbucks!”
Me in Kabul, 2012, holding a monkey’s paw:
“I wish the military didn’t have to always deploy to shit holes.”
“Ew, Starbucks?! Really, bro? The coffee at Exquisite Creatures on Ash Street is so much better than Starbucks!”
Me in Kabul, 2012, holding a monkey’s paw:
“I wish the military didn’t have to always deploy to shit holes.”
October 2, 2025 at 12:36 AM
USMC SAW gunner, 2026, in full kit:
“Ew, Starbucks?! Really, bro? The coffee at Exquisite Creatures on Ash Street is so much better than Starbucks!”
Me in Kabul, 2012, holding a monkey’s paw:
“I wish the military didn’t have to always deploy to shit holes.”
“Ew, Starbucks?! Really, bro? The coffee at Exquisite Creatures on Ash Street is so much better than Starbucks!”
Me in Kabul, 2012, holding a monkey’s paw:
“I wish the military didn’t have to always deploy to shit holes.”
Reposted by a ball of goof
tomorrow is Yom Kippur and you’re supposed to read the story of Jonah but the only thing we have is a Norton edition King James Bible that I have from college so I’ll be reading Father Mapple’s sermon from Moby Dick to my six year old
October 2, 2025 at 1:46 AM
tomorrow is Yom Kippur and you’re supposed to read the story of Jonah but the only thing we have is a Norton edition King James Bible that I have from college so I’ll be reading Father Mapple’s sermon from Moby Dick to my six year old
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If cats don’t want to be held like babies then why baby sized
October 1, 2025 at 9:16 PM
If cats don’t want to be held like babies then why baby sized
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I’m stupid, arguing with me is completely pointless.
October 2, 2025 at 2:36 AM
I’m stupid, arguing with me is completely pointless.
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[Werner Herzog voice] Charlie Brown seems surprised when Lucy pulls away the football, and yet he knows that failure is his destiny
October 2, 2025 at 4:13 AM
[Werner Herzog voice] Charlie Brown seems surprised when Lucy pulls away the football, and yet he knows that failure is his destiny
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Mira is on a stellar 23 year old run of not tomahawking anybody, I think she deserves to have a few as a treat
I am normal and can be trusted with Tomahawks
October 1, 2025 at 7:45 PM
Mira is on a stellar 23 year old run of not tomahawking anybody, I think she deserves to have a few as a treat
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Everything I do is for the sake of enhancing my lore and making my obituary interesting
October 2, 2025 at 12:06 AM
Everything I do is for the sake of enhancing my lore and making my obituary interesting
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Not all demons have horns, some have nice tits
October 2, 2025 at 7:06 AM
Not all demons have horns, some have nice tits
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Cat: meow?
Me: I don't know how to explain better that you literally just ate fish, you are literally stuffed full of fish. You physically cannot eat more fish, just look at you.
Cat: meow.
Me: No time does not work differently in the "cat dimension" that is not even a thing
Me: I don't know how to explain better that you literally just ate fish, you are literally stuffed full of fish. You physically cannot eat more fish, just look at you.
Cat: meow.
Me: No time does not work differently in the "cat dimension" that is not even a thing
October 1, 2025 at 5:29 AM
Cat: meow?
Me: I don't know how to explain better that you literally just ate fish, you are literally stuffed full of fish. You physically cannot eat more fish, just look at you.
Cat: meow.
Me: No time does not work differently in the "cat dimension" that is not even a thing
Me: I don't know how to explain better that you literally just ate fish, you are literally stuffed full of fish. You physically cannot eat more fish, just look at you.
Cat: meow.
Me: No time does not work differently in the "cat dimension" that is not even a thing
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quick while the government is shut down let’s all switch to metric
October 1, 2025 at 4:11 AM
quick while the government is shut down let’s all switch to metric
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A child free from the guilt of ownership and the burden of economic competition will grow up with the will to do what needs doing and the capacity for joy in doing it.
September 30, 2025 at 3:30 AM
A child free from the guilt of ownership and the burden of economic competition will grow up with the will to do what needs doing and the capacity for joy in doing it.
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You think you got problems? I just buried my orangutan in the pet semetary. Try dealing with some actual issues
September 29, 2025 at 5:54 AM
You think you got problems? I just buried my orangutan in the pet semetary. Try dealing with some actual issues
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Oh, you love me? Name 3 of my inner demons
November 13, 2024 at 2:36 PM
Oh, you love me? Name 3 of my inner demons