Timeline Operations
@timeline-ops.bsky.social
Dispatch and Customer Service account for Timeline Operations, a CRNO certified observation and rescue agency. Not affiliated with the Time Lords, Timecops, TVA, or Howard Foundation Families. Eemian Interglacial, 115000 BCE.
Pinned
Chronozens stuck in the new splinter [001A7C0E1, designated "TwoNickels"] who require assistance getting to their home timeline or temporary asylum in any safe adjacent timeline, we apologize. Transport services have been temporarily overloaded by travelers coming back to fix, ah, "everything"
Reposted by Timeline Operations
I imagine the assassin has already returned to the future.
September 11, 2025 at 3:01 PM
I imagine the assassin has already returned to the future.
Reposted by Timeline Operations
running late.
also: couldn't find the emergency escape portal from this curséd timeline, so I guess I'm gonna be late.
if anyone sees signs of that exit portal, share the clues. we'll find the damn thing yet.
also: couldn't find the emergency escape portal from this curséd timeline, so I guess I'm gonna be late.
if anyone sees signs of that exit portal, share the clues. we'll find the damn thing yet.
July 24, 2025 at 10:46 AM
running late.
also: couldn't find the emergency escape portal from this curséd timeline, so I guess I'm gonna be late.
if anyone sees signs of that exit portal, share the clues. we'll find the damn thing yet.
also: couldn't find the emergency escape portal from this curséd timeline, so I guess I'm gonna be late.
if anyone sees signs of that exit portal, share the clues. we'll find the damn thing yet.
Reposted by Timeline Operations
An underlying assumption to a lot of alternate history is that our timeline is the best of all possible outcomes. It perhaps explains why there are so many dystopias or otherwise pessimistic alternatives.
But this blinds people to our own timeline's problems because they are seen as inevitable.
But this blinds people to our own timeline's problems because they are seen as inevitable.
July 15, 2025 at 1:28 PM
An underlying assumption to a lot of alternate history is that our timeline is the best of all possible outcomes. It perhaps explains why there are so many dystopias or otherwise pessimistic alternatives.
But this blinds people to our own timeline's problems because they are seen as inevitable.
But this blinds people to our own timeline's problems because they are seen as inevitable.
This really is the stupidest timeline.
May 13, 2025 at 1:51 PM
This really is the stupidest timeline.
Reposted by Timeline Operations
Eight months before Bush v. Gore
How Elon Musk and Peter Thiel almost died in a 2000 car crash
The crash could have killed Elon Musk and Peter Thiel and also destroyed PayPal — the company that revolutionized e-commerce — before it even began.
nypost.com
March 13, 2025 at 1:18 AM
Eight months before Bush v. Gore
Reposted by Timeline Operations
What do yall think was the nexus event that created this branch in the timeline?
I’m torn between the Cats movie and when people were licking gallons of ice cream in the grocery store and putting it back.
I’m torn between the Cats movie and when people were licking gallons of ice cream in the grocery store and putting it back.
March 12, 2025 at 9:22 PM
What do yall think was the nexus event that created this branch in the timeline?
I’m torn between the Cats movie and when people were licking gallons of ice cream in the grocery store and putting it back.
I’m torn between the Cats movie and when people were licking gallons of ice cream in the grocery store and putting it back.
Reposted by Timeline Operations
I am a weaselverse truther
March 13, 2025 at 5:01 AM
I am a weaselverse truther
Reposted by Timeline Operations
Last night's dream:
A TIME MACHINE was invented! The technology was there!
However, its use was limited to a small number of very rich tech bros, who used it exclusively to play a game they called "BUTTERFLY STOMP".
A TIME MACHINE was invented! The technology was there!
However, its use was limited to a small number of very rich tech bros, who used it exclusively to play a game they called "BUTTERFLY STOMP".
March 10, 2025 at 1:03 PM
Last night's dream:
A TIME MACHINE was invented! The technology was there!
However, its use was limited to a small number of very rich tech bros, who used it exclusively to play a game they called "BUTTERFLY STOMP".
A TIME MACHINE was invented! The technology was there!
However, its use was limited to a small number of very rich tech bros, who used it exclusively to play a game they called "BUTTERFLY STOMP".
Reposted by Timeline Operations
ME: *standing in a WWI trench holding a smoking pistol over the body of dispatch runner Adolf Hitler* okay who's the greatest monster of the 20th century NOW
MY HANDLER: *in a control room in 1989* Mike Love
ME: oh shit it worked, terrifi-
MY HANDLER: the Undying, Lord of the Wastes,
ME: fuck!
MY HANDLER: *in a control room in 1989* Mike Love
ME: oh shit it worked, terrifi-
MY HANDLER: the Undying, Lord of the Wastes,
ME: fuck!
February 12, 2025 at 5:43 PM
ME: *standing in a WWI trench holding a smoking pistol over the body of dispatch runner Adolf Hitler* okay who's the greatest monster of the 20th century NOW
MY HANDLER: *in a control room in 1989* Mike Love
ME: oh shit it worked, terrifi-
MY HANDLER: the Undying, Lord of the Wastes,
ME: fuck!
MY HANDLER: *in a control room in 1989* Mike Love
ME: oh shit it worked, terrifi-
MY HANDLER: the Undying, Lord of the Wastes,
ME: fuck!
Reposted by Timeline Operations
Chronozens stuck in the new splinter [001A7C0E1, designated "TwoNickels"] who require assistance getting to their home timeline or temporary asylum in any safe adjacent timeline, we apologize. Transport services have been temporarily overloaded by travelers coming back to fix, ah, "everything"
February 11, 2025 at 3:18 PM
Chronozens stuck in the new splinter [001A7C0E1, designated "TwoNickels"] who require assistance getting to their home timeline or temporary asylum in any safe adjacent timeline, we apologize. Transport services have been temporarily overloaded by travelers coming back to fix, ah, "everything"
Reposted by Timeline Operations
We have officially entered the stupidest timeline
February 11, 2025 at 2:58 PM
We have officially entered the stupidest timeline
Reposted by Timeline Operations
In an alternate timeline we're constantly asking the Human Torch to do smoke alarm PSAs, but he never calls us back.
February 4, 2025 at 3:04 PM
In an alternate timeline we're constantly asking the Human Torch to do smoke alarm PSAs, but he never calls us back.
Reposted by Timeline Operations
Time traveler from 1925 emerges from his brass and dials time machine, we talk.
TT: So even a century hence you had a Spanish Flu? But most people could stay home, ride it out, & have education & entertainment beamed to them? Incredible! Lord, how grateful they must be!
Me: *sigh* Friend...
TT: So even a century hence you had a Spanish Flu? But most people could stay home, ride it out, & have education & entertainment beamed to them? Incredible! Lord, how grateful they must be!
Me: *sigh* Friend...
February 4, 2025 at 2:45 PM
Time traveler from 1925 emerges from his brass and dials time machine, we talk.
TT: So even a century hence you had a Spanish Flu? But most people could stay home, ride it out, & have education & entertainment beamed to them? Incredible! Lord, how grateful they must be!
Me: *sigh* Friend...
TT: So even a century hence you had a Spanish Flu? But most people could stay home, ride it out, & have education & entertainment beamed to them? Incredible! Lord, how grateful they must be!
Me: *sigh* Friend...
We never issued this guy a travel visa, & can't verify from our records that he's a "time traveler".
[We're not the only CRNO operating in this splinter timeline so... maybe? but probably not]
brobible.com/culture/arti...
[We're not the only CRNO operating in this splinter timeline so... maybe? but probably not]
brobible.com/culture/arti...
'Time Traveler' From The Year 2671 Issues Several Dire Warnings For 2025
A self-proclaimed time-traveler from the year 2671 has shared several warnings about the worst natural disasters he claims will occur in 2025. He also
brobible.com
February 4, 2025 at 2:50 PM
We never issued this guy a travel visa, & can't verify from our records that he's a "time traveler".
[We're not the only CRNO operating in this splinter timeline so... maybe? but probably not]
brobible.com/culture/arti...
[We're not the only CRNO operating in this splinter timeline so... maybe? but probably not]
brobible.com/culture/arti...
Reposted by Timeline Operations
Found this in a box of old convention stuff! Not prescient at all! I have a vague recollection it was gifted to me by @rstevens.bsky.social ?
January 27, 2025 at 10:03 PM
Found this in a box of old convention stuff! Not prescient at all! I have a vague recollection it was gifted to me by @rstevens.bsky.social ?
Reposted by Timeline Operations
Oh, so you don't know about The Institute for Temporal Exploration at the University of Chicago? Well, I guess it's just not your time, then
January 27, 2025 at 6:35 PM
Oh, so you don't know about The Institute for Temporal Exploration at the University of Chicago? Well, I guess it's just not your time, then
ha ha, yeah. "What if" everyone could just head back in time. That would be wacky, and not any sort of eternal headache for the poor customer service folks working for the travel agencies.
January 23, 2025 at 11:20 AM
ha ha, yeah. "What if" everyone could just head back in time. That would be wacky, and not any sort of eternal headache for the poor customer service folks working for the travel agencies.
Reposted by Timeline Operations
Thank you for screaming into the void. Your scream is very important to us.
Unfortunately we are experiencing an exceptionally high volume of screams right now. You may wish to scream into the void later.
Unfortunately we are experiencing an exceptionally high volume of screams right now. You may wish to scream into the void later.
January 22, 2025 at 9:06 AM
Thank you for screaming into the void. Your scream is very important to us.
Unfortunately we are experiencing an exceptionally high volume of screams right now. You may wish to scream into the void later.
Unfortunately we are experiencing an exceptionally high volume of screams right now. You may wish to scream into the void later.
This is kind of funny but I don't think people should be misrepresenting the Harry Palmer movie franchise this way.
What's that? Who's James Bond?
...
Oh crap.
What's that? Who's James Bond?
...
Oh crap.
I got into the franchise later in life than most, but here are my top five:
-From a View to a Secret Kill
-Tomorrow's Never Not Another Day
-Timefall
-The Spy Who Loved Golden Eyes Only
-Quantum of Solace
-From a View to a Secret Kill
-Tomorrow's Never Not Another Day
-Timefall
-The Spy Who Loved Golden Eyes Only
-Quantum of Solace
Favorite Bond movies, in order:
- Spyfinger
- To Die, Explodingly
- The World Is Huge
- Moonkisser
- Quantum of Solace
- Spyfinger
- To Die, Explodingly
- The World Is Huge
- Moonkisser
- Quantum of Solace
January 21, 2025 at 8:23 PM
This is kind of funny but I don't think people should be misrepresenting the Harry Palmer movie franchise this way.
What's that? Who's James Bond?
...
Oh crap.
What's that? Who's James Bond?
...
Oh crap.
We're having difficulty dealing with the volume of requests this morning, but please bear with us as we work through the backlog.
We've had to recalibrate what counts as 'normal' to account for new events within two sigma of standard but most customer service outcomes should not be affected
We've had to recalibrate what counts as 'normal' to account for new events within two sigma of standard but most customer service outcomes should not be affected
January 20, 2025 at 12:57 PM
We're having difficulty dealing with the volume of requests this morning, but please bear with us as we work through the backlog.
We've had to recalibrate what counts as 'normal' to account for new events within two sigma of standard but most customer service outcomes should not be affected
We've had to recalibrate what counts as 'normal' to account for new events within two sigma of standard but most customer service outcomes should not be affected
Reposted by Timeline Operations
The Scottish Sunday Herald TV guide featured this preview of the Trump inauguration.
It’s fucking brilliant.
It’s fucking brilliant.
January 19, 2025 at 6:03 PM
The Scottish Sunday Herald TV guide featured this preview of the Trump inauguration.
It’s fucking brilliant.
It’s fucking brilliant.
Chronozens stuck in the new splinter [7E9001A7, unstable, designated "RainOfLemons"] should be aware that travel to adjacent timelines is still not possible, and we're still working to establish a temporary route around the current recursion causing the blocks. Your patience is appreciated.
Chronozens stuck in the new splinter [001A7C0E1, designated "TwoNickels"] who require assistance getting to their home timeline or temporary asylum in any safe adjacent timeline, we apologize. Emergency transport services are limited while we set up a base to work from in the last interglacial.
January 17, 2025 at 4:35 PM
Chronozens stuck in the new splinter [7E9001A7, unstable, designated "RainOfLemons"] should be aware that travel to adjacent timelines is still not possible, and we're still working to establish a temporary route around the current recursion causing the blocks. Your patience is appreciated.