Toss
@stevenspoints.bsky.social
Most Midwestern person in the United States as declared by Midwestern Monthly Magazine, 12 years running. Chicago via WI & MN.
Pinned
Reposted by Toss
I love modern criminals, they’re always googling shit like “how to do crime”
"Cellphone records showed that two days before the purported attack, her co-conspirator searched online for 'zip ties near me'"
A staffer to a New Jersey congressman allegedly paid an scarification artist $500 to wound her as she staged a scene with zip ties and “Trump Whore” written on her stomach, federal prosecutors say
November 20, 2025 at 2:43 AM
I love modern criminals, they’re always googling shit like “how to do crime”
Maybe it’s just because Michael Shannon and Shea Whigham are there, but Death By Lightning really scratches that same character-actors-showing-off-in-fancy-costumes itch that Boardwalk Empire used to fill in my life
November 20, 2025 at 2:35 AM
Maybe it’s just because Michael Shannon and Shea Whigham are there, but Death By Lightning really scratches that same character-actors-showing-off-in-fancy-costumes itch that Boardwalk Empire used to fill in my life
Reposted by Toss
They’re forcing kids to cast the ring into the fires of Mt. Doom because of Tolk
they're forcing kids to read "green eggs and ham" because of yolk
they’re forcing kids to read “the caine mutiny,” because of wouk
November 19, 2025 at 10:24 PM
They’re forcing kids to cast the ring into the fires of Mt. Doom because of Tolk
Reposted by Toss
You will never convince me the man on this poster is not Rob Schneider.
November 19, 2025 at 6:57 AM
You will never convince me the man on this poster is not Rob Schneider.
Reposted by Toss
This is probably going to come out wrong, but it’s a fucking bummer that this reads as “powerful,” this should be everybody’s table and everybody’s open door
idc how big your apartment is or how many extra chairs I don’t have; it’s Thanksgiving and we will figure it out
idc how big your apartment is or how many extra chairs I don’t have; it’s Thanksgiving and we will figure it out
Felder’s heartfelt plea saying to roll up if you want a plate and you putting this out is so goddam powerful. Thanks to you and the entire fullcast community. Sorry if this is too much feelingsball for a Wednesday
November 19, 2025 at 4:31 PM
This is probably going to come out wrong, but it’s a fucking bummer that this reads as “powerful,” this should be everybody’s table and everybody’s open door
idc how big your apartment is or how many extra chairs I don’t have; it’s Thanksgiving and we will figure it out
idc how big your apartment is or how many extra chairs I don’t have; it’s Thanksgiving and we will figure it out
Reposted by Toss
My "We're under orders from the Deputy Attorney Generals’s office not to disclose whether career prosecutors wrote a memo recommending *against* indicting Comey" T-shirt has people asking a lot of questions already answered by my shirt
BREAKING: Prosecutors in the Comey case just told the judge that they’re under orders from the Deputy Attorney Generals’s office not to disclose whether career prosecutors wrote a memo recommending *against* indicting Comey prior to Halligan going to the grand jury.
November 19, 2025 at 4:15 PM
My "We're under orders from the Deputy Attorney Generals’s office not to disclose whether career prosecutors wrote a memo recommending *against* indicting Comey" T-shirt has people asking a lot of questions already answered by my shirt
Reposted by Toss
Not the point but not only is this not how “shopping” for healthcare would work, it’s also not how shopping for shampoo works
Cassidy: "If she goes and gets 2 types of shampoo & one is a dollar cheaper, she'll get the cheaper one & the other lowers their price. Once you give her the power of making the decision, she's gonna shop -- that begins to save her money and squeezes waste out of the healthcare system."
November 19, 2025 at 3:59 PM
Not the point but not only is this not how “shopping” for healthcare would work, it’s also not how shopping for shampoo works
I really think the true measure of Bluesky being a bubble is how much everybody performatively hates on Raising Cane’s
November 19, 2025 at 3:46 PM
I really think the true measure of Bluesky being a bubble is how much everybody performatively hates on Raising Cane’s
They genuinely don’t think anyone deserves rights unless they’re fully on board with the agenda
“Fuck you. You’re not even real Minnesotans. You’re all from Canada.”
A real thing a federal agent yelled in my face today when I asked if he liked his job after they had hauled my wife away.
Clearly far *FAR* from the most important thing that happened today but, wtf? Weird shit.
A real thing a federal agent yelled in my face today when I asked if he liked his job after they had hauled my wife away.
Clearly far *FAR* from the most important thing that happened today but, wtf? Weird shit.
November 19, 2025 at 2:28 AM
They genuinely don’t think anyone deserves rights unless they’re fully on board with the agenda
Reposted by Toss
the thing with everyone saying "that's a good hire" is that we all know that none of us actually know shit about shit when it comes to "good hires" actually working out
November 18, 2025 at 5:32 PM
the thing with everyone saying "that's a good hire" is that we all know that none of us actually know shit about shit when it comes to "good hires" actually working out
Reposted by Toss
I have concluded that no matter how much we collectively appreciate Orson Welles throughout the whole of history, we’re underselling him.
November 18, 2025 at 5:21 PM
I have concluded that no matter how much we collectively appreciate Orson Welles throughout the whole of history, we’re underselling him.
If anybody ever publishes a detailed account of a past romantic relationship of mine, please know that I will immediately go deep into hiding and do not try to find me
If **I** ever publish a detailed account of a past romantic relationship, please know that I’ve been kidnapped and call the police
If **I** ever publish a detailed account of a past romantic relationship, please know that I’ve been kidnapped and call the police
November 18, 2025 at 5:17 PM
If anybody ever publishes a detailed account of a past romantic relationship of mine, please know that I will immediately go deep into hiding and do not try to find me
If **I** ever publish a detailed account of a past romantic relationship, please know that I’ve been kidnapped and call the police
If **I** ever publish a detailed account of a past romantic relationship, please know that I’ve been kidnapped and call the police
Reposted by Toss
there is no precedent for how many edible mascots we will kill this year
BREAKING: We’re getting six (!) edible mascots at this year’s @poptartsbowl.com!
- six edible mascots, three on Team Sprinkles and three on Team Swirls
- fans get to vote on which mascot team to sacrifice to Mouth Heaven at game’s end, the biggest edible mascot sacrifice EVER
- six edible mascots, three on Team Sprinkles and three on Team Swirls
- fans get to vote on which mascot team to sacrifice to Mouth Heaven at game’s end, the biggest edible mascot sacrifice EVER
November 18, 2025 at 4:05 PM
there is no precedent for how many edible mascots we will kill this year
Reposted by Toss
The Pop Tarts have invented Democratic Calvinism. I’m excited to see what they eventually cook up as their eschatology. On that day will be the end of all non-five-minute breakfasts
BREAKING: We’re getting six (!) edible mascots at this year’s @poptartsbowl.com!
- six edible mascots, three on Team Sprinkles and three on Team Swirls
- fans get to vote on which mascot team to sacrifice to Mouth Heaven at game’s end, the biggest edible mascot sacrifice EVER
- six edible mascots, three on Team Sprinkles and three on Team Swirls
- fans get to vote on which mascot team to sacrifice to Mouth Heaven at game’s end, the biggest edible mascot sacrifice EVER
November 18, 2025 at 1:51 PM
The Pop Tarts have invented Democratic Calvinism. I’m excited to see what they eventually cook up as their eschatology. On that day will be the end of all non-five-minute breakfasts
Very funny that Pop Tarts managed to beat the MCU to the Secret Wars storyline
BREAKING: We’re getting six (!) edible mascots at this year’s @poptartsbowl.com!
- six edible mascots, three on Team Sprinkles and three on Team Swirls
- fans get to vote on which mascot team to sacrifice to Mouth Heaven at game’s end, the biggest edible mascot sacrifice EVER
- six edible mascots, three on Team Sprinkles and three on Team Swirls
- fans get to vote on which mascot team to sacrifice to Mouth Heaven at game’s end, the biggest edible mascot sacrifice EVER
November 18, 2025 at 1:20 PM
Very funny that Pop Tarts managed to beat the MCU to the Secret Wars storyline
Reposted by Toss
2005 me: I love literary journalism, I love writers who bare their souls
2025 me: Stop stop oh my god please stop
2025 me: Stop stop oh my god please stop
November 18, 2025 at 4:41 AM
2005 me: I love literary journalism, I love writers who bare their souls
2025 me: Stop stop oh my god please stop
2025 me: Stop stop oh my god please stop
Not sure if it’s still there, but in western Wisconsin along I-94 there’s someone who kept up a giant “BRAD SCHIMEL FOR WI SUPREME COURT” sign months after he lost that election and he just seems like the most unremarkable politician to ride-or-die for like that
Schimel sworn in as interim U.S. Attorney for the Eastern District of Wisconsin
www.gmtoday.com/the_... #wipolitics
www.gmtoday.com/the_... #wipolitics
Schimel sworn in as interim U.S. Attorney for the Eastern District of Wisconsin
Former Waukesha County Circuit Court Judge Brad Schimel confirmed as interim U.S. Attorney for Eastern District of Wisconsin.
www.gmtoday.com
November 18, 2025 at 1:07 AM
Not sure if it’s still there, but in western Wisconsin along I-94 there’s someone who kept up a giant “BRAD SCHIMEL FOR WI SUPREME COURT” sign months after he lost that election and he just seems like the most unremarkable politician to ride-or-die for like that
Reposted by Toss
Look on my Works, ye Mighty Mighty Bosstones, and despair
November 18, 2025 at 12:50 AM
Look on my Works, ye Mighty Mighty Bosstones, and despair
A contestant on Jeopardy today was introduced as a “technical software trainer from Verona, Wisconsin” and gee I wonder where he could possibly work
November 17, 2025 at 9:42 PM
A contestant on Jeopardy today was introduced as a “technical software trainer from Verona, Wisconsin” and gee I wonder where he could possibly work
Reposted by Toss
HBO always tries to do this which I guess makes sense as the two comedy current events shows but I genuinely can’t imagine someone who likes one show enjoys the other. Even putting the individual politics aside one is about researching and doing 20 minute segments and the other is a boomer bitching
Just want to point out that I watch Last Week Tonight every week and, when it's over, the HBO Max app automatically assumes I'd want to watch Real Time and I wonder how much of the ratings is based on people who are involuntarily fed Bill Maher like this.
November 17, 2025 at 5:46 PM
HBO always tries to do this which I guess makes sense as the two comedy current events shows but I genuinely can’t imagine someone who likes one show enjoys the other. Even putting the individual politics aside one is about researching and doing 20 minute segments and the other is a boomer bitching
I would 100% watch this but only if we are talking Dick Van Dyke at his current age
Dick Van Dyke dancing with penguins, but make it an entire movie
November 17, 2025 at 5:29 PM
I would 100% watch this but only if we are talking Dick Van Dyke at his current age
Reposted by Toss
Easy choice if you're a deer deciding where to buy a house
November 17, 2025 at 3:53 PM
Easy choice if you're a deer deciding where to buy a house
Reposted by Toss
just occurred to me that someone oughtta tell the Trump administration to stop seeking emergency stays of injunctions bc how you gon be anti-woke while filing for equitable relief hmmm
November 17, 2025 at 5:44 AM
just occurred to me that someone oughtta tell the Trump administration to stop seeking emergency stays of injunctions bc how you gon be anti-woke while filing for equitable relief hmmm
Reposted by Toss
Y’all, I’m blowing minds in the studio tonight, telling people that parents can legally get their kids served alcohol at a bar in Wisconsin.
No age minimum.
No age minimum.
November 17, 2025 at 3:46 AM
Y’all, I’m blowing minds in the studio tonight, telling people that parents can legally get their kids served alcohol at a bar in Wisconsin.
No age minimum.
No age minimum.