Call Me The Brie-ze
@briesmith.xyz
The Internet's foremost Rory Gilmore hater. Still the Ray Kroc Professor of Cheeseburger Sciences, Hamburger University. Kentucky Colonel. She/her. #bbn
Shirts and more! https://www.teepublic.com/user/wondershout
Signal:@quietude38.04
Shirts and more! https://www.teepublic.com/user/wondershout
Signal:@quietude38.04
Pinned
Call Me The Brie-ze
@briesmith.xyz
· Sep 28
"I've Had Pizzas More Supreme Than This Court" T-shirt - $18.82 - wondershout
Buy this product for only $18.82
wondershout.printify.me
If you missed it yesterday (and you probably did,) I launched a new store to start moving away from Teepublic, and my first new product speaks directly to the moment:
wondershout.printify.me/product/2352...
wondershout.printify.me/product/2352...
My mother asked me “does this mean you’re gay?” and I almost had to laugh while saying “it doesn’t exactly work that way, it’s complicated?”
Did I want to have this discussion with her? No
Did I want to have this discussion with her? No
February 10, 2026 at 1:43 AM
My mother asked me “does this mean you’re gay?” and I almost had to laugh while saying “it doesn’t exactly work that way, it’s complicated?”
Did I want to have this discussion with her? No
Did I want to have this discussion with her? No
OH HELL YES THIS IS GONNA RIP
In 1978, David Carradine starred in a Roger Corman produced post-apocalyptic feature from the director of Caddy Shack II. In 2026, it will be one of the four films covered in The RiffTrax Experiments! It's time for Deathsport!
Support us on Kickstarter: rifftrax.com/kickstarter
Support us on Kickstarter: rifftrax.com/kickstarter
February 9, 2026 at 11:38 PM
OH HELL YES THIS IS GONNA RIP
For the record: Canada did agree to pay the total cost of construction, which will be recouped entirely from tolls on the Canadian side, there will be no tolls from the U.S.
Also this thing has been in the planning stages for 20+ years and they started building it in 2014
Also this thing has been in the planning stages for 20+ years and they started building it in 2014
February 9, 2026 at 11:35 PM
For the record: Canada did agree to pay the total cost of construction, which will be recouped entirely from tolls on the Canadian side, there will be no tolls from the U.S.
Also this thing has been in the planning stages for 20+ years and they started building it in 2014
Also this thing has been in the planning stages for 20+ years and they started building it in 2014
Britt was home sick today from school, but he checked his assignments and his English teacher has assigned his class to write a story about “what if Emmett Till was a student at your school today?” and he’s very uncomfortable with that, and I’m kinda staring at it sideways too
February 9, 2026 at 11:03 PM
Britt was home sick today from school, but he checked his assignments and his English teacher has assigned his class to write a story about “what if Emmett Till was a student at your school today?” and he’s very uncomfortable with that, and I’m kinda staring at it sideways too
Reposted by Call Me The Brie-ze
a fine time to mention I’ve moved into full-time freelance work and if y’all have anything you need written, edited, podcasted, videoed, socialed or editorially strategized, I’ve pretty much done it all and done it well and would love to do more of it
xoxo,
gossip girl
xoxo,
gossip girl
February 9, 2026 at 10:06 PM
a fine time to mention I’ve moved into full-time freelance work and if y’all have anything you need written, edited, podcasted, videoed, socialed or editorially strategized, I’ve pretty much done it all and done it well and would love to do more of it
xoxo,
gossip girl
xoxo,
gossip girl
Just got the notification for my performance review meeting with the VP and I know that I’m doing important stuff he’s had positive feedback on and he can’t afford to lose anyone else from the team right now but I’m still nervous as hell because I hate these damn things
February 9, 2026 at 9:37 PM
Just got the notification for my performance review meeting with the VP and I know that I’m doing important stuff he’s had positive feedback on and he can’t afford to lose anyone else from the team right now but I’m still nervous as hell because I hate these damn things
Saving a post about the person I’m seeing who isn’t my primary partner, call that a Side Draft
Saving a post about cocaine for Friday night call that a Bump Draft
wow drafts, like in celebration of the daytona 500
February 9, 2026 at 8:37 PM
Saving a post about the person I’m seeing who isn’t my primary partner, call that a Side Draft
Reposted by Call Me The Brie-ze
Minnesota/Twin Cities friends, if you have recommendations for local wedding photographers with availability in April, please send them my way!
February 9, 2026 at 8:13 PM
Minnesota/Twin Cities friends, if you have recommendations for local wedding photographers with availability in April, please send them my way!
You ever think about the absolute stranglehold this thing had on moms making dinner in the 1990s and 2000s?
I am always thinking about the y2k george foreman grill commercial that blew up and for whatever reason they tried to copyright remove it from the internet
February 9, 2026 at 8:00 PM
You ever think about the absolute stranglehold this thing had on moms making dinner in the 1990s and 2000s?
Boss: “hey, write me some talking points for when I discuss this with the CEO”
Me: “here’s 1300 words on it”
Me: “here’s 1300 words on it”
February 9, 2026 at 7:57 PM
Boss: “hey, write me some talking points for when I discuss this with the CEO”
Me: “here’s 1300 words on it”
Me: “here’s 1300 words on it”
WOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW
February 9, 2026 at 6:43 PM
WOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW
I hear that you and your friends have sold your guitars and bought turntables
I hear that you and your friends have sold your turntables and bought guitars
I hear that you and your friends have sold your turntables and bought guitars
The guy who is my bellwether for where the dumb money is going—he had a cloud engineer phase, crypto phase, nft phase, AI phase—has pivoted back to DJing, which is what he was first doing when I met him 20 years ago.
February 9, 2026 at 6:36 PM
I hear that you and your friends have sold your guitars and bought turntables
I hear that you and your friends have sold your turntables and bought guitars
I hear that you and your friends have sold your turntables and bought guitars
I’m still mad about this, but I’m also equally mad at people whose response to it is to point out that 45:33 was commissioned by Nike
These two things are not the same
(Also I shouldn’t be surprised, he lives in Williamsburg and has played shows for NFT and crypto bros, it just sucks)
These two things are not the same
(Also I shouldn’t be surprised, he lives in Williamsburg and has played shows for NFT and crypto bros, it just sucks)
WHY IS “OH BABY” IN A GODDAMN STARLINK COMMERCIAL JAMES
February 9, 2026 at 6:30 PM
I’m still mad about this, but I’m also equally mad at people whose response to it is to point out that 45:33 was commissioned by Nike
These two things are not the same
(Also I shouldn’t be surprised, he lives in Williamsburg and has played shows for NFT and crypto bros, it just sucks)
These two things are not the same
(Also I shouldn’t be surprised, he lives in Williamsburg and has played shows for NFT and crypto bros, it just sucks)
Mmm, reheated and crisped up leftover pork on the griddle while I heated tortillas and now I have tacos for lunch
February 9, 2026 at 5:21 PM
Mmm, reheated and crisped up leftover pork on the griddle while I heated tortillas and now I have tacos for lunch
Now realize that Lake Erie is about 57 miles wide at its widest point
That’s a massive crack
That’s a massive crack
Watch as a massive crack forms in the ice on Lake Erie.
An impressive view captured by GOES-19 earlier on Sunday.
An impressive view captured by GOES-19 earlier on Sunday.
February 9, 2026 at 4:48 PM
Now realize that Lake Erie is about 57 miles wide at its widest point
That’s a massive crack
That’s a massive crack
Reposted by Call Me The Brie-ze
i'm back in the writing mines working on a post-UCLA piece. given my month-long disappearing act, i'm not going to set up a paywall any time soon, but if you'd like to support my work while i get back up and running, i've set up a ko-fi page. ko-fi.com/ace_anbender
Support Ace
Support Ace
ko-fi.com
February 9, 2026 at 4:14 PM
i'm back in the writing mines working on a post-UCLA piece. given my month-long disappearing act, i'm not going to set up a paywall any time soon, but if you'd like to support my work while i get back up and running, i've set up a ko-fi page. ko-fi.com/ace_anbender
Reposted by Call Me The Brie-ze
Pontiac Trans Sport, the van so good Republicans want to make it illegal now
February 9, 2026 at 3:47 PM
Pontiac Trans Sport, the van so good Republicans want to make it illegal now
The problem: employers are still testing for it
Nazi paper decides they need to take away your weed to make you even more miserable in service of nothing.
February 9, 2026 at 3:11 PM
The problem: employers are still testing for it
Reposted by Call Me The Brie-ze
please bully people into using alt text so my fucking mute terms work
February 9, 2026 at 2:50 PM
please bully people into using alt text so my fucking mute terms work
Don’t they have to get tired of being angry about everything? That feels like so much work
the left has received both football and butts in the divorce
February 9, 2026 at 2:42 PM
Don’t they have to get tired of being angry about everything? That feels like so much work
A commercial for "ai dot com" that doesn't actually appear to be selling anything?
There is such a fucking bubble and it's OVER
There is such a fucking bubble and it's OVER
February 9, 2026 at 2:55 AM
A commercial for "ai dot com" that doesn't actually appear to be selling anything?
There is such a fucking bubble and it's OVER
There is such a fucking bubble and it's OVER
Somebody tell beautiful thicc Ana Gasteyer she doesn't need the Wegovy pill
February 9, 2026 at 2:54 AM
Somebody tell beautiful thicc Ana Gasteyer she doesn't need the Wegovy pill
Seahawks with a two-TD lead the hard way
February 9, 2026 at 2:53 AM
Seahawks with a two-TD lead the hard way
Amazon: "Our new voice assistant totally isn't going to murder you."
February 9, 2026 at 2:30 AM
Amazon: "Our new voice assistant totally isn't going to murder you."
Yup, we're done here
February 9, 2026 at 2:27 AM
Yup, we're done here