мαттαтoηιc
@mattatonik.bsky.social
Nope. Antisocial media. BBQ and Bourbon.
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:fgzy2oggofpko2ql5hdnyxul/feed/aaajeek2wz6z2
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:fgzy2oggofpko2ql5hdnyxul/feed/aaajeek2wz6z2
Pinned
мαттαтoηιc
@mattatonik.bsky.social
· Nov 27
I wonder if aliens look at earth and think tourism, like come see the naked monkeys running around on their water planet so cute
Reposted by мαттαтoηιc
My cat, an idiot: Those ornaments look exactly like my toys. Why can’t I play with them?
Me, pinnacle of animals: That felt frog wearing a top hat is to celebrate The Lord
Me, pinnacle of animals: That felt frog wearing a top hat is to celebrate The Lord
December 3, 2023 at 1:13 AM
My cat, an idiot: Those ornaments look exactly like my toys. Why can’t I play with them?
Me, pinnacle of animals: That felt frog wearing a top hat is to celebrate The Lord
Me, pinnacle of animals: That felt frog wearing a top hat is to celebrate The Lord
Reposted by мαттαтoηιc
You've got this Sheila! Just remember, new year new ewe!
December 30, 2024 at 9:39 PM
You've got this Sheila! Just remember, new year new ewe!
* remembers when Pringles tasted liked potatoes
December 7, 2025 at 1:26 AM
* remembers when Pringles tasted liked potatoes
Reposted by мαттαтoηιc
SON: Can I have a cookie?
ME: Ask nicer.
SON: May I please have a cookie?
ME: Like a Canadian.
SON: So sorry, could I please trouble you for one of your delicious cookies, good sir, eh? It’s okay if you say no. There’s probably a more deserving child.
ME: *hands over cookie*
ME: Ask nicer.
SON: May I please have a cookie?
ME: Like a Canadian.
SON: So sorry, could I please trouble you for one of your delicious cookies, good sir, eh? It’s okay if you say no. There’s probably a more deserving child.
ME: *hands over cookie*
December 3, 2025 at 5:07 PM
SON: Can I have a cookie?
ME: Ask nicer.
SON: May I please have a cookie?
ME: Like a Canadian.
SON: So sorry, could I please trouble you for one of your delicious cookies, good sir, eh? It’s okay if you say no. There’s probably a more deserving child.
ME: *hands over cookie*
ME: Ask nicer.
SON: May I please have a cookie?
ME: Like a Canadian.
SON: So sorry, could I please trouble you for one of your delicious cookies, good sir, eh? It’s okay if you say no. There’s probably a more deserving child.
ME: *hands over cookie*
Reposted by мαттαтoηιc
Doctor suggested I eat better, exercise more, and drink less.
We laughed and laughed…
Then he wrote me a bunch of prescriptions.
We laughed and laughed…
Then he wrote me a bunch of prescriptions.
November 20, 2024 at 7:17 PM
Doctor suggested I eat better, exercise more, and drink less.
We laughed and laughed…
Then he wrote me a bunch of prescriptions.
We laughed and laughed…
Then he wrote me a bunch of prescriptions.
No I do not want to join your bulletin board
November 12, 2025 at 10:56 PM
No I do not want to join your bulletin board
GTA6 delayed (again) to November 2026.
Why? No reason. Fuck you, that's why.
Why? No reason. Fuck you, that's why.
November 7, 2025 at 8:08 AM
GTA6 delayed (again) to November 2026.
Why? No reason. Fuck you, that's why.
Why? No reason. Fuck you, that's why.
No but why does the BBC News theme song SLAM so hard
November 4, 2025 at 12:01 AM
No but why does the BBC News theme song SLAM so hard
Reposted by мαттαтoηιc
Fuck fluoride. Let’s put some Xanax into the national water supply.
October 28, 2025 at 1:58 PM
Fuck fluoride. Let’s put some Xanax into the national water supply.
Reposted by мαттαтoηιc
Did it hurt?
"Did what hurt?"
When you fell off your high horse and got bitched slapped by reality
"Did what hurt?"
When you fell off your high horse and got bitched slapped by reality
October 28, 2025 at 2:08 PM
Did it hurt?
"Did what hurt?"
When you fell off your high horse and got bitched slapped by reality
"Did what hurt?"
When you fell off your high horse and got bitched slapped by reality
Reposted by мαттαтoηιc
ASK YOUR DOCTOR IF NON-STOP SCREAMING IS RIGHT FOR YOU
October 28, 2025 at 4:11 AM
ASK YOUR DOCTOR IF NON-STOP SCREAMING IS RIGHT FOR YOU
Reposted by мαттαтoηιc
There’s no power up quite like that perfect cup of coffee.
October 28, 2025 at 2:38 PM
There’s no power up quite like that perfect cup of coffee.
Arguing with my cat about whether Violator or Music for the Masses was the better Depeche Mode album
October 28, 2025 at 2:44 PM
Arguing with my cat about whether Violator or Music for the Masses was the better Depeche Mode album
My name is Matt, I work in IT and I fucking hate computers
October 28, 2025 at 12:44 PM
My name is Matt, I work in IT and I fucking hate computers
You know what doesn't constantly interrupt your creative writing process with "suggestions", advertisements and system updates? My typewriter from 1974
October 28, 2025 at 12:43 PM
You know what doesn't constantly interrupt your creative writing process with "suggestions", advertisements and system updates? My typewriter from 1974
*installs new windows app
*app hangs and crashes immediately
*disables all AI features
*app is slow
*uninstalls app
AI is great for adding two extra steps in this process
*app hangs and crashes immediately
*disables all AI features
*app is slow
*uninstalls app
AI is great for adding two extra steps in this process
October 25, 2025 at 4:07 PM
*installs new windows app
*app hangs and crashes immediately
*disables all AI features
*app is slow
*uninstalls app
AI is great for adding two extra steps in this process
*app hangs and crashes immediately
*disables all AI features
*app is slow
*uninstalls app
AI is great for adding two extra steps in this process
Reposted by мαттαтoηιc
all pillows are throw pillows when the people in your house are annoying af
October 21, 2025 at 1:16 PM
all pillows are throw pillows when the people in your house are annoying af
How do I become a member of the 1%, is there an application process? A trillion in tax breaks seems pretty sweet
October 21, 2025 at 1:25 PM
How do I become a member of the 1%, is there an application process? A trillion in tax breaks seems pretty sweet
Reposted by мαттαтoηιc
I’m pretty sure wild hamsters could drag me away. I’m not a strong man.
September 6, 2024 at 12:37 AM
I’m pretty sure wild hamsters could drag me away. I’m not a strong man.
Starting to think that Disney really bought Star Wars for the business model. "The Empire, yeah, that's how shit gets done"
October 6, 2025 at 12:05 AM
Starting to think that Disney really bought Star Wars for the business model. "The Empire, yeah, that's how shit gets done"
Reposted by мαттαтoηιc
New #LiquidDeath idea:
Berry You Six Feet Deep
Berry You Six Feet Deep
September 25, 2025 at 1:17 PM
New #LiquidDeath idea:
Berry You Six Feet Deep
Berry You Six Feet Deep
Thought this might be worth reposting
September 23, 2025 at 2:43 AM
Thought this might be worth reposting
Reposted by мαттαтoηιc
it seems as if every day science takes another giant leap forward
September 11, 2025 at 12:52 PM
it seems as if every day science takes another giant leap forward