maddiewtf
@maddieprobably.bsky.social
turned 20 and now i engage in self-care as a side hobby and write jokes as hopefully a job. soon. maybe.
she/her | demi-aroace | aspiring stand-up
she/her | demi-aroace | aspiring stand-up
Reposted by maddiewtf
republicans: fyi we are bombing france for being too gay and lead poisoning is now mandatory
democrats: yeah? well prepare yourselves for several strongly worded haikus
democrats: yeah? well prepare yourselves for several strongly worded haikus
March 6, 2025 at 4:25 PM
republicans: fyi we are bombing france for being too gay and lead poisoning is now mandatory
democrats: yeah? well prepare yourselves for several strongly worded haikus
democrats: yeah? well prepare yourselves for several strongly worded haikus
Reposted by maddiewtf
Trump: Free speech is back in America
Rep. Al Green (being shoved into a CIA rendition van): You did what now?
Rep. Al Green (being shoved into a CIA rendition van): You did what now?
March 5, 2025 at 2:40 AM
Trump: Free speech is back in America
Rep. Al Green (being shoved into a CIA rendition van): You did what now?
Rep. Al Green (being shoved into a CIA rendition van): You did what now?
Reposted by maddiewtf
(severely condescending tone) Umm let me explain something to you sweetie: [objectively the wrongest information you've ever heard]
February 10, 2025 at 11:53 PM
(severely condescending tone) Umm let me explain something to you sweetie: [objectively the wrongest information you've ever heard]
Reposted by maddiewtf
My anxiety is thru the roof, I hope 9 cups of coffee & 14 hours on social media helps
February 2, 2025 at 11:56 AM
My anxiety is thru the roof, I hope 9 cups of coffee & 14 hours on social media helps
Reposted by maddiewtf
Suddenly, out of nowhere, a declassified World War II-era CIA guide to sabotaging fascism in the workplace has become one of the most popular free ebooks on the internet:
www.404media.co/declassified...
www.404media.co/declassified...
Declassified CIA Guide to Sabotaging Fascism Is Suddenly Viral
The World War II-era "Simple Sabotage Field Manual" is full of steps that office workers can take to resist leadership.
www.404media.co
January 29, 2025 at 8:53 PM
Suddenly, out of nowhere, a declassified World War II-era CIA guide to sabotaging fascism in the workplace has become one of the most popular free ebooks on the internet:
www.404media.co/declassified...
www.404media.co/declassified...
Reposted by maddiewtf
I just discovered a handy feature on something that I’ve owned for a while which was probably clearly explained in the instructions I didn’t read.
I will learn nothing from this.
I will learn nothing from this.
January 22, 2025 at 4:39 PM
I just discovered a handy feature on something that I’ve owned for a while which was probably clearly explained in the instructions I didn’t read.
I will learn nothing from this.
I will learn nothing from this.
Reposted by maddiewtf
You eventually bite into that one baby carrot that tastes a little wonky…then it’s “party over”.
January 6, 2025 at 11:40 PM
You eventually bite into that one baby carrot that tastes a little wonky…then it’s “party over”.
Reposted by maddiewtf
Saw someone upbraiding someone else for having a hobby while the world is on fire, and, my friends:
1. The world is ever on fire, this is today's conflagration;
2. If you don't find time for rest and joy the fire will consume you;
3. Don't let people shame you for being an entire human.
1. The world is ever on fire, this is today's conflagration;
2. If you don't find time for rest and joy the fire will consume you;
3. Don't let people shame you for being an entire human.
December 17, 2024 at 3:21 PM
Saw someone upbraiding someone else for having a hobby while the world is on fire, and, my friends:
1. The world is ever on fire, this is today's conflagration;
2. If you don't find time for rest and joy the fire will consume you;
3. Don't let people shame you for being an entire human.
1. The world is ever on fire, this is today's conflagration;
2. If you don't find time for rest and joy the fire will consume you;
3. Don't let people shame you for being an entire human.
Reposted by maddiewtf
Ugh FINE I'll show up to work "sober" to lead the department of defense. YES without "sexually assaulting" everyone, christ anything else?
December 5, 2024 at 2:17 PM
Ugh FINE I'll show up to work "sober" to lead the department of defense. YES without "sexually assaulting" everyone, christ anything else?
Reposted by maddiewtf
people say “you need to start living in the real world” but they forget that the real world includes lupines and lightning bugs and ginger beer and starlight and sea coasts and Renoir paintings and Rachmaninoff’s piano concertos and fog banks and foxes playing in snow.
December 5, 2024 at 3:45 PM
people say “you need to start living in the real world” but they forget that the real world includes lupines and lightning bugs and ginger beer and starlight and sea coasts and Renoir paintings and Rachmaninoff’s piano concertos and fog banks and foxes playing in snow.
Reposted by maddiewtf
Wait, wait, wait!!!
Pete Hegseth is pledging to Senators that he WON’T drink while serving as Defense Secretary?!!!?
He wouldn’t be running a fucking Applebees.
He’d be in charge of our entire fucking MILITARY.
‘I pinky swear I won’t drink on the job.’
How the fuck are we here?
Pete Hegseth is pledging to Senators that he WON’T drink while serving as Defense Secretary?!!!?
He wouldn’t be running a fucking Applebees.
He’d be in charge of our entire fucking MILITARY.
‘I pinky swear I won’t drink on the job.’
How the fuck are we here?
December 4, 2024 at 11:37 PM
Wait, wait, wait!!!
Pete Hegseth is pledging to Senators that he WON’T drink while serving as Defense Secretary?!!!?
He wouldn’t be running a fucking Applebees.
He’d be in charge of our entire fucking MILITARY.
‘I pinky swear I won’t drink on the job.’
How the fuck are we here?
Pete Hegseth is pledging to Senators that he WON’T drink while serving as Defense Secretary?!!!?
He wouldn’t be running a fucking Applebees.
He’d be in charge of our entire fucking MILITARY.
‘I pinky swear I won’t drink on the job.’
How the fuck are we here?
Reposted by maddiewtf
Reposted by maddiewtf
Reposted by maddiewtf
Trump’s CDC pick is an antivaxxer who thinks measles, mumps, and rubella shots are the real problem. The next pandemic is going to start at the CDC breakroom coffee machine
December 2, 2024 at 1:46 PM
Trump’s CDC pick is an antivaxxer who thinks measles, mumps, and rubella shots are the real problem. The next pandemic is going to start at the CDC breakroom coffee machine
Reposted by maddiewtf
stardew valley puts a wizard in your rural farming town and he sometimes does magic but his main thing is he had a messy divorce
December 1, 2024 at 4:20 PM
stardew valley puts a wizard in your rural farming town and he sometimes does magic but his main thing is he had a messy divorce
Reposted by maddiewtf
I love saying the word exacerbate like I know what the fuck fancy words are. I’ll toss that into anything. Don’t exacerbate that sandwich by putting on too much mustard. What are you gonna do? Challenge me, the man who used the fancy word?
December 2, 2024 at 3:20 AM
I love saying the word exacerbate like I know what the fuck fancy words are. I’ll toss that into anything. Don’t exacerbate that sandwich by putting on too much mustard. What are you gonna do? Challenge me, the man who used the fancy word?
Reposted by maddiewtf
Reposted by maddiewtf
Reposted by maddiewtf
I’m glad I am getting a good night’s sleep right now and not doing something dumb like scrolling social media.
November 22, 2024 at 6:41 AM
I’m glad I am getting a good night’s sleep right now and not doing something dumb like scrolling social media.
Reposted by maddiewtf
*eating buttered toast* my day won’t get any better than this
November 20, 2024 at 12:40 PM
*eating buttered toast* my day won’t get any better than this
Reposted by maddiewtf
“What radicalized you?” Bro I was told to treat people the way I would want to be treated in kindergarten and it made sense idk what else there is to say
November 19, 2024 at 3:56 AM
“What radicalized you?” Bro I was told to treat people the way I would want to be treated in kindergarten and it made sense idk what else there is to say
Reposted by maddiewtf
every burger joint menu looks like
THE CLASSIC
-Just like momma used to make. Tomato lettuce and onion with cheese of your choice.
THE BIG WET DADDY BURGER
-This nasty half-pound motherfucker comes smothered with sautéed mushrooms and onions, candied bacon, garlic aioli and a 4-cheese blend.
THE CLASSIC
-Just like momma used to make. Tomato lettuce and onion with cheese of your choice.
THE BIG WET DADDY BURGER
-This nasty half-pound motherfucker comes smothered with sautéed mushrooms and onions, candied bacon, garlic aioli and a 4-cheese blend.
November 18, 2024 at 7:01 PM
every burger joint menu looks like
THE CLASSIC
-Just like momma used to make. Tomato lettuce and onion with cheese of your choice.
THE BIG WET DADDY BURGER
-This nasty half-pound motherfucker comes smothered with sautéed mushrooms and onions, candied bacon, garlic aioli and a 4-cheese blend.
THE CLASSIC
-Just like momma used to make. Tomato lettuce and onion with cheese of your choice.
THE BIG WET DADDY BURGER
-This nasty half-pound motherfucker comes smothered with sautéed mushrooms and onions, candied bacon, garlic aioli and a 4-cheese blend.