fartpimp
@fartpimp.bsky.social
on track to become the first illiterate to pass the bar exam
Reposted by fartpimp
nintendo is putting cops in the new mario kart that subject you to random traffic stops unless you purchase the $2.99 "Friends of Nintendo" Kart Kosmetic™
May 18, 2025 at 1:52 PM
nintendo is putting cops in the new mario kart that subject you to random traffic stops unless you purchase the $2.99 "Friends of Nintendo" Kart Kosmetic™
Reposted by fartpimp
They should call it a 201(k). Because it’s less. The number is going down folks
April 3, 2025 at 2:00 PM
They should call it a 201(k). Because it’s less. The number is going down folks
Reposted by fartpimp
Reposted by fartpimp
some reporter should just bring a breathalyzer to a Hegseth gaggle and ask if he'll take it on the spot. 100% worth getting your creds pulled. be a legend
March 25, 2025 at 9:43 PM
some reporter should just bring a breathalyzer to a Hegseth gaggle and ask if he'll take it on the spot. 100% worth getting your creds pulled. be a legend
Reposted by fartpimp
he always looks like he just sharted
March 25, 2025 at 3:59 PM
he always looks like he just sharted
Reposted by fartpimp
dealers of rare cordials and tinctures and tonics
March 21, 2025 at 11:59 PM
dealers of rare cordials and tinctures and tonics
Reposted by fartpimp
Safe to conclude any Tesla driver is an overt racist now
March 12, 2025 at 10:15 PM
Safe to conclude any Tesla driver is an overt racist now
Reposted by fartpimp
new angle on Elon physique just dropped
March 3, 2025 at 8:24 PM
new angle on Elon physique just dropped
Reposted by fartpimp
This is what I think in my head upon reading maybe fifty percent of the stupid opinions I see online
February 20, 2025 at 3:11 AM
This is what I think in my head upon reading maybe fifty percent of the stupid opinions I see online
Reposted by fartpimp
if i had a therapist i bet they'd advise me not to put a lot of self esteem into winning this chili contest but since i don't i have to win it or die trying
February 8, 2025 at 4:38 PM
if i had a therapist i bet they'd advise me not to put a lot of self esteem into winning this chili contest but since i don't i have to win it or die trying
Reposted by fartpimp
I bet doom scroll meant something way cooler in the middle ages.
February 6, 2025 at 9:50 PM
I bet doom scroll meant something way cooler in the middle ages.
Reposted by fartpimp
Beans are lowkey the move when... wh- Ah fuck. What's the fucking point anymore. (Angel on shoulder) You must post! People need humor now more than ever! (Devil on other shoulder) They're depending on you my little soldier. Be. Strong. (Me brimming with a warm confidence) when Farting is the vibe
February 7, 2025 at 3:14 AM
Beans are lowkey the move when... wh- Ah fuck. What's the fucking point anymore. (Angel on shoulder) You must post! People need humor now more than ever! (Devil on other shoulder) They're depending on you my little soldier. Be. Strong. (Me brimming with a warm confidence) when Farting is the vibe
crop dusting my enemies, people who form large groups in hallways
January 17, 2025 at 6:50 PM
crop dusting my enemies, people who form large groups in hallways
Reposted by fartpimp
somebody should really do something about all this shit in my pants
January 16, 2025 at 1:57 AM
somebody should really do something about all this shit in my pants
Reposted by fartpimp
MAYOR: With the celebratory chili feast complete, our honored guest shall divine the location for our new village well!
ME: (gradually realizing I accidentally grabbed the dowsing rod that points to guys who are about to shit their own pants) The spirits are saying this actually isn’t a good time
ME: (gradually realizing I accidentally grabbed the dowsing rod that points to guys who are about to shit their own pants) The spirits are saying this actually isn’t a good time
April 24, 2024 at 6:22 PM
MAYOR: With the celebratory chili feast complete, our honored guest shall divine the location for our new village well!
ME: (gradually realizing I accidentally grabbed the dowsing rod that points to guys who are about to shit their own pants) The spirits are saying this actually isn’t a good time
ME: (gradually realizing I accidentally grabbed the dowsing rod that points to guys who are about to shit their own pants) The spirits are saying this actually isn’t a good time
Reposted by fartpimp
Bristol stool chart fancam
January 6, 2025 at 5:20 PM
Bristol stool chart fancam
Reposted by fartpimp
Idiot child stupid ass whose parents never loved him and smells like shit all the time moron: yeah I just think one space after a period is enough
December 22, 2024 at 3:49 PM
Idiot child stupid ass whose parents never loved him and smells like shit all the time moron: yeah I just think one space after a period is enough
Reposted by fartpimp
best one ever
December 10, 2024 at 3:54 PM
best one ever
Reposted by fartpimp
The CEO of UnitedHealthcare was reportedly shot and killed in Midtown
“The shooting is being investigated as a possibly targeted hit, sources said.”
“The shooting is being investigated as a possibly targeted hit, sources said.”
UnitedHealthcare CEO fatally shot in Midtown: sources
MIDTOWN, Manhattan (PIX11) – The CEO of UnitedHealthcare was killed in a Midtown shooting Wednesday morning, sources told PIX11 News. Brian Thompson, 50, was shot just before 7 a.m. near a hotel o…
pix11.com
December 4, 2024 at 2:09 PM
The CEO of UnitedHealthcare was reportedly shot and killed in Midtown
“The shooting is being investigated as a possibly targeted hit, sources said.”
“The shooting is being investigated as a possibly targeted hit, sources said.”
Reposted by fartpimp
The presidents on money look broke as fuck. They should be holding money.
December 1, 2024 at 1:10 AM
The presidents on money look broke as fuck. They should be holding money.
Reposted by fartpimp
let's roleplay i'll be james joyce and you eat this pot full of beans
November 27, 2024 at 11:26 PM
let's roleplay i'll be james joyce and you eat this pot full of beans
city put out lead exposure notices. now I can blame the water for making me dumber and can go back to doing as many poppers as I want
November 23, 2024 at 3:28 PM
city put out lead exposure notices. now I can blame the water for making me dumber and can go back to doing as many poppers as I want