Dave Small
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derve.bsky.social
Dave Small
@derve.bsky.social
25 followers 70 following 28 posts
I'm a software delivery lead & scrum master and I promise not to post about any of that.
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Reposted by Dave Small
lauren.rotatingsandwiches.com
the hater's council just vetoed this actually.

"a real hater hates attention seekers by ignoring them" wise words from one hater elder.

"hate reading is for homework dorks" said another senior hater on condition of anonymity as this statement was a compound diss targeting other council members
December 3, 2025 at 5:24 PM
derve.bsky.social
Ben Stokes
November 21, 2025 at 9:47 AM
Reposted by Dave Small
ceefaux.bsky.social
18.00 OPENHEIMMER ALL HOURS It's been a funny day. I cam up the deadliest known weapon known to all of mankind. I said to Granville that "Now I had bbbbbbbebbbecome dddddddeath". There was an almighty bang and I thought that was the end. Turned out to be that damned till.
November 20, 2025 at 9:25 AM
derve.bsky.social
Does it count as drowning your sorrows if it's with strawberry milkshake?
October 29, 2025 at 9:41 PM
Reposted by Dave Small
mrholness.bsky.social
‘Garth Marenghi’s Skull Flusher’ ep 1 is now LIVE.

Horror Master GARTH MARENGHI flushes the creative skull of Fellow Horror Master MIKE FLANAGAN.

m.youtube.com/@TheGarthMar...
October 24, 2025 at 11:19 AM
Reposted by Dave Small
wafflecut.bsky.social
Learned that an anonymous outside expert on submersibles did an interview with the OceanGate Titan investigation, and they released a transcript, with all the names redacted. The first line of his first answer? "I'm sure you're familiar with my film Titanic."
UNITED STATES OF AMERICA NATIONAL TRANSPORTATION SAFETY BOARD ***************** Investigation of: LOSS OF THE SUBMARINE TITAN IN THE NORTH ATLANTIC OCEAN ON JUNE 18, 2023 * * * * * * Accident No.: *********** * * * * * * Interview of: Co-designer/Pilot Deepsea Challenger DCA23FM036 via Microsoft Teams Friday, July 26, 2024 INTERVIEW OF 10 BY LCDR 11 Q. So how did you get yourself started into submersible 12 operations? 13 A. Well, I'm sure you're familiar with my film Titanic. When I 14 set down the path to make that film, the first thing that I did 15 was arrange to be introduced to the head of the submersible 16 program at the P.P. Shirshov Institute in Moscow, a guy named 17| Professor I. I did that through a mutual friend 18 of ours, a guy named , who is one of the preeminent underwater cinematographers in the world. And had been on a 20 submersible expedition out to Titanic the previous year with the 21 Russians. And that was organized by a Canadian company that was 22 doing an IMAX film which was released under the title Titanica.
October 16, 2025 at 9:28 PM
derve.bsky.social
October 16, 2025 at 5:55 PM
Reposted by Dave Small
inchargeofthegirls.bsky.social
sherman, for the love of god!
October 10, 2025 at 1:11 AM
Reposted by Dave Small
alisoneales.com
There are no words to describe how happy shit like this makes me. Absolutely masterful set-up and reveal from 1:07. I howled
1972: 84-year-old woman has an INDOOR CARAVAN | Nationwide | Classic BBC Clips
YouTube video by BBC Archive
www.youtube.com
September 29, 2025 at 4:37 PM
derve.bsky.social
Welcome to Absolute Radio where real music matters now here's 5 minutes of adverts followed by Coldplay
September 18, 2025 at 6:03 PM
Reposted by Dave Small
ruemcclammyhand.bsky.social
utah police wisely choosing not to show the bullet casing that says ‘if you read this you are gay’ bc they know it would instantly turn the country gay
September 12, 2025 at 2:55 PM
Reposted by Dave Small
goldyoshi.bsky.social
enshittification definition covered in ads
September 4, 2025 at 7:48 AM
Reposted by Dave Small
sirmichael.bsky.social
Some people don't even know the basic facts about our home solo system. Here's everything you need to know
Amazing Facts About the Solo System 1. The sun is so far away from Earth that you would need to tie together ELEVEN stepladders to reach it. Do not use twelve, though, because then you would overshoot the sun and we do not know what lies behind this might circle of fiery wrath 2. The solo system of 9 planets (Earth, Mars, Juliper, Plato, Moon, Sun, Nursa Major, International Space System, don't remember what the last one is called - will look it up and fill it in here before I post) 3. Our solo system is almost 150 years old. The only people who were alive for its formation are now so old that we cannot get any sense out of them. They are kept alive only by medical science and their determination to keep voting for racists in elections 4. Many monkeys were sent into the solo system as captains of the early spaceships. They have yet to come back, leading many experts to conclude that the monkeys have formed an alliance somewhere in space and will one day return to wreak a terrible vengeance upon us for casting them into space. WE NEED TO START PREPARING OUR DEFENCES FOR WHEN THE MONKEY ALLIANCE ATTACKS
August 29, 2025 at 3:03 PM
Reposted by Dave Small
rodger.bsky.social
Making them wear high-visibility vests over camo is such a good joke you couldn’t write it
onestpress.onestnetwork.com Olga Nesterova @onestpress.onestnetwork.com · Aug 26
National Guard is now tasked with picking up garbage in DC
August 26, 2025 at 11:41 PM
Reposted by Dave Small
sirmichael.bsky.social
The publishing industry is in decline. Some say it's because of changing market dynamics. Others say it's because of technological disruptions. But the truth is it's because they refuse to publish my lovely book of Heartwarming Stories for Children.
Bobby The Very Tall Squirrel Once upon a time, there lived a squirrel who was over 8 feet tall! His name was Bobby and his favourite food was hazelnuts. Unfortunately squirrels weren't meant to be 8 feet tall and, unsurprisingly, Bobby was unable to find enough food to sustain himself through winter. Bobby died in January, his existence a meaningless footnote in an uncaring universe (a fate that awaits us all). Other squirrels attended his funeral but did so out of courtesy and not because they particularly liked him. The End The Grateful Rabbits "Let's all count our blessings," said Kevin The Rabbit to all the other rabbits. "Let's take time to appreciate how lucky we are to have warrens to live in and grass to eat because some rabbits have nothing." All the other rabbits nodded in agreement and thanked their lucky stars that they had a home and just enough food to eat. Kevin The Rabbit, meanwhile, went home to his palatial warren, where he lived in luxury, thanks to being born into a rich rabbit family. He was pleased with himself after convincing all the other rabbits to be grateful for the basic amounts of shelter and sustenance they needed to survive. It distracted them from ever getting angry at rabbits like Kevin, who were living in luxurious warrens and hoarding obscence quantities of rabbit food. The End Princess Annabel Once upon a time, there lived a young girl named Annabel. "My dad says I can be anything I want when I grow up... even a princess!" said Annabel excitedly. "Sadly, Annabel, your dad is telling you an outdated fairytale," replied her teacher Miss Jennings. "Social mobility is at an all-time low and the ultra-rich are cosseted behind physical and social barriers. The chances of you becoming a princess are negligible. You'll probably work in middle management." The End Monsters Under The Bed? "Are there monsters under my bed, Daddy?" Sarah-Jane asked as her father tucked her into bed. "No, sweetie," he replied. "The world is full of terrifying monsters - and what makes them most frightening of all is how innocuous they appear. They look respectable, wear business suits, work in positions of power and effect public policy that destroys lives, vandalises the planet and ruins society, all while enriching themselves. These are the scariest monsters of all and they are everywhere. But probably not under your bed. Goodnight!" The End
August 26, 2025 at 8:01 PM
Reposted by Dave Small
tombrewster.bsky.social
guy who has only seen the "guy who has only seen The Boss Baby" reading his second post; "getting a lot of "guy who has only seen The Boss Baby watching his second movie; "Getting A Lot of Boss Baby vibes from this" vibes from this"
August 24, 2025 at 5:43 PM
Reposted by Dave Small
grubb.wtf
We need everyone back in the office because we want the serendipitous magic that only happens when you let humans get creative together and also we're replacing all of you with an AI machine that can only do things that it's seen done before
August 22, 2025 at 2:55 AM
Reposted by Dave Small
zafarcakes.bsky.social
I'VE STARTED A BRAND NEW CRICKET COMIC

I have a meeting with Ian Hislop tomorrow to pitch this.

Will also see if Spiked online are interested in a cricket comic.
August 2, 2025 at 7:35 PM
Reposted by Dave Small
sirmichael.bsky.social
Here's a handy how-to guide I made for anyone who wants to calculate their monthly expenses more easily
July 30, 2025 at 7:18 PM
Reposted by Dave Small
nedroid.com
In my experience there are three kinds of fantasy magic novels:
"There are three kinds of magic," said Wizzler, handing us each a balloon. "You can control tigers, you can shoot tornadoes from your fingers, or you can fly by holding your breath. The color of confetti inside your balloon will reveal which kind of power you have." I felt the panic rising in me. What if my confetti turned yellow, indicating that I was a Tiger-Talker? My family, a long line of proud Tornado-Fingers, would disown me. Could I ever return home, bearing such shame? I tried to calm myself as I readied the ceremonial safety pin. Green, I thought, willing my hopes into reality. Please be green. I popped the balloon, involuntarily shutting my eyes. When I opened them, would I see the green I hoped for? The yellow I feared? What if, gods forbid, the confetti were blue? I opened my eyes, seeing shock on the faces of my classmates. Wizzler himself stared at me, wide-eye. Looking down, I saw myself covered in confetti... purple confetti. “I don’t understand,” I growled, my body trembling with pain. “I combined eighty percent Earth-elemental mana with twenty percent Fire-elemental mana (Type B), focused through a twenty-four-sided icositetragon made of yellow topaz. This, in conjunction with my blood type, star sign, sense of humor, and nickname, should have produced a blazing column of lightning to vaporize my enemies. Instead, it made a big bubble that smells like fresh laundry. Why?” Skullgrumbler began to laugh. “You fool! You don’t even realize…” he squealed. “You’re facing east!” “It’s whatever you want,” explained Magemaster Grampledog. “Magic is just whatever you want.” I knew he was speaking in riddles, but I couldn’t grasp his hidden meaning. “So the rules are…” Grampledog lit a sliver of smokereed. “No rules. You say some words and you wave a stick and whatever you want just happens. You don’t even need the stick.” His wisdom still eluded me. I stared into his face, trying to decipher what he was really saying. “No, listen.” Grampledog snapped his fingers and his desk turned into a pile of chicken nuggets. “I didn’t even know that would happen.” His hat then came alive and began to yodel. “It’s pandemonium,” he explained. “It’s complete nonsense.”
July 28, 2025 at 4:49 PM
Reposted by Dave Small
ofalafel.bsky.social
My age verification asked whether I have ever put my birthday cards on top of the TV
July 26, 2025 at 11:41 AM
Reposted by Dave Small
downwithdan.bsky.social
holy shit lmao
July 19, 2025 at 3:21 AM
derve.bsky.social
Not sure what point I'm trying to make by eating KFC while watching The Bear, but I'm sure there is one.
July 12, 2025 at 11:47 AM