Sir Michael
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sirmichael.bsky.social
Sir Michael
@sirmichael.bsky.social
17K followers 230 following 2.1K posts
Creator of the Sturdy Wheelbarrows podcast and the grandson who continues to be persecuted for wearing jean shorts to his grandad's funeral :(
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sirmichael.bsky.social
Have to say, whoever decided to make the character of Rocky be a boxer rather than a civil engineer definitely made the right decision. The ending where he wins a televised boxing match wouldn't have made as much sense otherwise. Good job by all involved 👏
February 10, 2026 at 8:52 PM
sirmichael.bsky.social
The only people I'm ruling out of potentially having been Epstein clients are the people who I know for a fact write emails with good spacing and punctuation.
February 6, 2026 at 11:11 AM
sirmichael.bsky.social
Public statement regarding recent events
PRESS RELEASE Sir Michael Responds to Criticism of Recent Lee Harvey Oswald Biography I wish to address the controversy surrounding my recent biography of Lee Harvey Oswald. I believe the book to be a tour de force, with some fascinating insights into his life. Unfortunately critics and readers strongly disagree, with many calling it “the worst book ever written” and “the work of an idiot.” Amongst the cruel jibes, one criticism in particular has been repeatedly raised: “Why on earth does he make absolutely no mention of the JFK assassination in a biography of Lee Harvey Oswald?” My response is simple. I made the decision not to mention the JFK assassination for the same reason I chose not to mention the Titanic in my biography of Captain Edward Smith: I just don't see how these events are relevant. Lots of things happen in the course of a person's life and it would be impossible for me to include absolutely everything. I chose to focus on other things instead, such as Oswald's penchant for cinema and Smith's impressive facial hair, and I stand by those choices. I hope this draws a line under the controversy once and for all as I will not be commenting further on this matter. It is time to look forward, not backwards. Speaking of which, I am excited to announce the release of my next biography, which is a detailed look at the life of Napoleon Bonaparte. It will be released in the autumn and I am pleased to report that it contains no mentions of Waterloo, the retreat from Moscow or either of his two exiles. I did not consider any of these events important enough to supplant the sixteen chapters I've written about his taste in headwear.
February 4, 2026 at 8:55 PM
sirmichael.bsky.social
If I could travel back in time, I would visit a Transfer Deadline Day in the middle ages. Would be amazing to see a young tinsmith trying to get a big move to the farrier, or a stonemason bringing in a journeyman candlestick maker to cover for his apprentice who's out for a few weeks with smallpox
February 2, 2026 at 4:42 PM
sirmichael.bsky.social
Never forget that manners cost nothing. If you see a business advertising a job and you don't want it, do the right thing and let them know. Businesses always appreciate knowing who's not available to appoint.
January 29, 2026 at 8:40 PM
sirmichael.bsky.social
Want to know if your brother is on a horse or not? These are the signs to look for.
How to Tell if Your Brother is on a Horse 1. Look through your brother's bank statements and see if he has recently hired or purchased a horse. If he has, the chances of him now being on a horse just increased considerably. 2. Check where your brother's feet currently are in relation to the ground. If they're a few feet off the ground and separated by the width of a horse, there is a chance he might be on a horse. 3. Sneak into your brother's bedroom and read his diary. If last night's entry mentions that he's got a horseriding appointment today, there is a strong possibility that your brother is now on a horse. 4. Ask your brother if he'd mind you sitting directly behind him. If he says "no, there's enough room for both of us on this horse," that could be a sign that he is currently on a horse.
January 26, 2026 at 8:26 PM
sirmichael.bsky.social
Self-help books are popular. Cookbooks are popular. So if I can combine the two, I will undoubtedly become the most successful author of all-time. Here's my first recipe
Turkey, Spinach and Ricotta Lasagne Serves: 2-3 Preparation time: 10 minutes Cooking time: 20 minutes Ingredients: avocado oil, 1 small onion (chopped finely) 2-3 garlic cloves (chopped finely), 100g frozen spinach, 1 free-range egg (beaten), 5000g turkey mince, 100g ricotta, 200g lasagne sheets, 300ml tomato pasta sauce, 50g grated cheese, sea salt and black pepper 1. Begin to heat the tomato sauce in a saucepan on a low heat. 2. Add the avocado oil to a frying pan on high heat and cook the onions until translucent. 3. Next, add the garlic for 2 minutes and then add 5000g of turkey mince. 4. Next, ask yourself if the preceding instructions sound right. They don't, do they? 5000g of turkey mince is insane. And why are you cooking the sauce first? And do you really think you can make lasagne in 30 minutes? That's ridiculous. These are clearly not helpful instructions so why have you been following them? 5. Have you always been someone who blindly follows instructions from people who claim to know what they're doing? Do you think this stems from the relationship you had with one or both of your parents? Do you have a history of subjugating yourself to people you view as authority figures? Recommendation: Forget about making lasagne and work on your assertiveness instead. You are your own person but you're letting other people control your life. Make lasagne later. Start making the new you now.
January 22, 2026 at 8:25 PM
sirmichael.bsky.social
It's time to settle this age-old debate once and for all with a careful analysis of the facts
January 19, 2026 at 8:37 PM
Reposted by Sir Michael
sirmichael.bsky.social
The Manchester derby marks the most wholesome day in the Premier League season. These two cross-city rivals will both try their best to win but whoever loses, they're equally happy at seeing their lovable neighbours get the 3 points instead. "Yay for Manchester!" they'll say 💙❤️
December 15, 2024 at 5:25 PM
sirmichael.bsky.social
Everyone wants to know what strategy I'd use to win if I was cast on The Traitors. Well, that depends on whether I was a traitor or a faithful but I am confident I have the perfect plan to win as either
My Foolproof Strategy to Win The Traitors (as a traitor) I would wear a green traitors' cloak to breakfast one morning. But doesn't that make me look like a traitor? Absolutely not because I would then reveal that it's a knock-off cloak which I bought from a dubious street vendor nicknamed Contraband Craig. I would then take out my real traitors' cloak and compare the stitching of the two garments, proving beyond doubt that the knock-off cloak is a bootleg. This would throw my fellow players off the scent because they would assume that an actual traitor has no need to purchase an inferior quality cloak on the black market. I would then put both cloaks away and march serenely to victory. Afterwards, I would donate a significant portion of my prize money to Contraband Craig so that he can finally go legit. My Foolproof Strategy to Win The Traitors (as a faithful) I would refuse to tell my fellow players my name. If my name cannot be written down, I cannot be banished or murdered. “But couldn't they just write a description of you instead?” you ask. No, they couldn't because I would be constantly changing my appearance. If someone writes down on their board, “the weird guy who's dressed as Abraham Lincoln and carries a huge bag of disguises with him at all times,” I will simply remove my stovepipe hat and replace it with a beanie (a hat that has no association with Abraham Lincoln whatsoever) and that person's vote will be discounted. Afterwards, I would donate a significant portion of my prize money to a street vendor named Contraband Craig as a way of thanking him for selling me hundreds of bootleg costumes at a suspiciously low price.
January 15, 2026 at 7:47 PM
Reposted by Sir Michael
ciaraioch.bsky.social
Ladies, stop settling for less than you want. He's not consistent with his contact? You feel confused about where you stand? He's got a 50mph punch that he uses to break open molluscs to feed on? Then he is NOT the one, he is a peacock mantis shrimp and incapable of love, move on
January 15, 2026 at 10:27 AM
sirmichael.bsky.social
Cloud computing is the technology of the future so you need to understand it if you want to succeed in business. Here are the 6 facts you need to know
Cloud Computing The 6 Facts You Need to Know 1. To understand, cloud computing, think of a briefcase with dozens of files in it. Just imagine what that would look like. Got it? Good! Well, cloud computing is the exact opposite of that. 2. Several moderately successful businesspeople use cloud computing, including a landscape gardener in Estonia and a guy I went to school with who sometimes wears a hat. 3. Some experts predict that by the year 2100, over TWO HUNDRED different files will be stored on the cloud! 4. Peregrine falcons are the fastest creatures on Earth and can travel at 200 miles per hour. 5. Sorry, I accidentally pasted a fact about peregrine falcons into number 4 and I don't know how to delete it. That was intended for a different project that I'm working on about peregrine falcons. It is not related to cloud computing so please disregard. 6. The mix-up with the peregrine falcon fact has caused me to lose my train of thought and I have now forgotten what the final fact was going to be. Sorry about that. Hopefully I will remember it soon.
January 11, 2026 at 8:17 PM
sirmichael.bsky.social
My one dislike of midweek Premier League games is the unfairness of players having to stay up late. These guys should not be jeopardising their sleep routines for our entertainment. Go home, boys, curl up with a good book and then lights out by 9:15. You have the blessing of all true football fans.
January 7, 2026 at 8:20 PM
sirmichael.bsky.social
There are 6 known facts about every animal (except dolphins, for which there are only 5). Here are the horse facts
Horses: The 6 Facts You Need to Know 1. The fastest thing in the world is either the speed of light or a horse. Scientists have not been able to determine which is faster yet because they are both very fast. 2. A horse can run faster than a man. Therefore, getting a piggyback from a man will not fully prepare you for the speed of horseriding. 3. Most horses are unable to read so if you wish to communicate with a horse, don't waste your time writing a note or sending an email. 4. The majority of horses have no concept of time. So if a horse neglects to wish you happy birthday or happy Christmas, don't take it personally. 5. I heard a rumour once which claimed that horses have x-ray vision and it enables them to see through 3 layers of clothing. I don't know if it's true but I always wear 4 layers of clothes when there are horses around, just to be on the safe side. 6. Horses struggle to walk up and down flights of stairs so if you need something from upstairs, it's faster to get it yourself.
January 6, 2026 at 9:00 PM
sirmichael.bsky.social
Trying to decide what to watch over the weekend? Hopefully my review of some of the biggest movies of the last twelve months can help 👍
Michael's Movie Reviews for 2025 - One Battle After Another Review: Didn't get a chance to see this one unfortunately. Rating out of 9: n/a - Avatar: Fire and Ash Review: Hadn't see the previous Avatars so didn't feel ready to watch this one yet. Rating out of 9: n/a - 28 Years Later Review: Was going to watch this but did something else instead. Rating out of 9: n/a - Sinners Review: Saw an ad for this but didn't see the actual film itself. Rating out of 9: n/a - Mission Impossible: The Final Reckoning Review: Wasn't interested in watching this one, tbh, so I didn't. Rating out of 9: n/a - Weapons Review: Meant to watch this but then I forgot to. Rating out of 9: n/a - F1: The Movie Review: Good idea to make a film about a keyboard button but haven't seen it yet. Rating out of 9: n/a - Superman Review: Planned on watching this today but decided to write this review instead. Rating out of 9: n/a
January 2, 2026 at 6:37 PM
Reposted by Sir Michael
plumwodehouse.bsky.social
If you’re not following @sirmichael.bsky.social then I don’t know what to tell you. You’re obviously not interested in laughing like a hyena several times a day.
sirmichael.bsky.social Sir Michael @sirmichael.bsky.social · Nov 27
Home Alone was a pretty successful film. But could it have been even more successful? With these 8 simple changes, I believe so, yes.
Changes I Would Make to Home Alone 1. The film would be set in the summer (there are more than enough Christmas films already). 2. Instead of being left home alone, Kevin would accompany his family on their trip. 3. To ensure the title of the film is still relevant, I would change the family surname to Homealone. 4. Instead of being a child (not relatable for adult audiences), Kevin Homealone would be an adult (relatable for adult audiences). 5. The Wet Bandits would be children, who have not yet turned to crime. They have no role in the film and are never mentioned. It is unclear why they are called The Wet Bandits. 6. At their Airbnb, the Homealones discover a recently deceased body. 7. For convoluted reasons, they have to pretend that the corpse is alive so they put sunglasses on it, which somehow fools everyone. 8. The rest of the film plays out exactly like Weekend at Bernie's.
January 1, 2026 at 5:45 PM
sirmichael.bsky.social
The numbers are in and I can finally reveal the end-of-year stats for 2025:

- Congrats to fans of the Assassination of Julius Caesar! 🗡️🏆
- 11th place up to 2nd place ⬆️
- Pompeii vs Mt Vesuvius makes the top 4 🌋
- The human ear finishes in Jth 👂
- Enthusiasm/Shoes finally makes it into the top 9b 🤯
December 31, 2025 at 7:27 PM
sirmichael.bsky.social
As we reflect upon 2025, it's important to think of those who have wronged us and know that we can choose to bring our petty grudges with us into 2026 or we can opt to leave them behind and move forward productively with our lives. And we must reject the latter option on account of it being stupid.
December 30, 2025 at 8:12 PM
sirmichael.bsky.social
Just been reading back over my resolutions for 2025 and it looks like this has been a very successful year for me!
Michael's New Year's Resolutions for 2025 - Don't hold any large pieces of furniture above my head for more than 8 hours at a time ✅ - Avoid getting trapped in a submarine with a celebrity horse ✅ - Say the word “the” at least once during July ✅ - Don't cross the Indian Ocean unaided ✅ - Try not to discover any new planets and/or galaxies ✅ - Refrain from interfering in the trade negotiations between Canada and the Mercosur bloc ✅
December 28, 2025 at 8:15 PM
Reposted by Sir Michael
mufcadam.bsky.social
In a world gone mad we need more silliness.

And he won't appreciate this sentiment, but that's why you should all follow @sirmichael.bsky.social
sirmichael.bsky.social Sir Michael @sirmichael.bsky.social · Oct 15
It's hard for us to appreciate the true scale of Mount Everest. So to put it in a context that we can all understand, here's a comparison chart showing the height of Mount Everest alongside other tall things
December 18, 2025 at 1:47 PM
sirmichael.bsky.social
If I was the manager of a hotel, I'd offer visitors an extensive range of Do Not Disturb door signs which include exceptions for very specific occasions
Four hotel door signs. The first one is red and reads, "DO NOT DISTURB (unless you bring good news regarding my nephew's battle with athlete's foot. It would make my day to hear that his feet are less itchy than they have been in recent months)" The second one is blue and reads, "DO NOT DISTURB (unless you've just seen a really cool cloud formation and you think I'd like to check it out. In that case, I don't mind being disturbed at all)" The third one is green (I think - I'm extremely colourblind so I'm not certain) and reads, "DO NOT DISTURB (unless there's a local production of Grease that's about to go on stage but the actor playing Danny Zuko is ill and the director thinks I'd be an ideal stand-in. In that case, let me know at once)" The fourth one is maybe purple (again, very colourblind) and reads, "DO NOT DISTURB (unless you have evidence that clears my name of suspicion in The Case of The Hat Bandit, in which several hats were stolen from the heads of people in my town between 2001 and 2005. It has never been solved).
December 16, 2025 at 8:05 PM
Reposted by Sir Michael
ciaraioch.bsky.social
📌 ciaraioch.com is now taking Christmas orders for prints, cards, and vouchers - each archival-quality print on heavy art paper is made in Ireland, ships internationally in eco-friendly packaging with discount tracked postage, and comes with a FREE card and treats for every customer 🎁 #SpéirGorm
Photograph of a display of prints, surrounded by Christmas decorations and fairy lights, against a white fluffy background #SpéirGorm #SpéirGhorm #Ireland #Art #Christmas #ArtistsOnBluesky #BuyLocal #ShopIrish Cartoon of a little rook building a snowman in the shape of a crow, and a photograph of the same image as Christmas cards against a red brick background - there's one free with every order.
December 3, 2025 at 8:25 AM
sirmichael.bsky.social
TECH TIP

Let's say you need a photo of an adult horse but don't have time to image search "adult horse." Instead, just google “baby horse” (it has one fewer letter so will be quicker to type). Then choose a pic and run it through a face-ageing app. You'll soon have a photo of an adult horse. Easy!
December 12, 2025 at 6:02 PM
sirmichael.bsky.social
So many men online are clueless about romance so here's a tip on how to conduct yourself on a date, guys

If a lady offers to pay for your meal on the 1st date, BE A GENTLEMAN by politely declining and insisting that your parents, whom you've brought along as chaperones, will pay for all four of you
December 8, 2025 at 8:15 PM
sirmichael.bsky.social
Hopefully I've made it more relatable
December 4, 2025 at 8:32 PM