If I had any knowledge of musical theory or productions I would be a beautiful DJ

ME: *writing in my journal with the sole aim of pissing off future historians and archaeologists* I returned to my home - which is built in the usual style - by the normal way, and prepared and ate dinner in the way I often but not always do

My country, cooked is thee
Washed of your majesty

If I’m supposed to “get out of bed” why cold

your honor, have you considered my client is just a smol bean?

Me: I would bathe in Mandarin Jarritos if I could.

Native: You're not gonna believe this

okay i'm so tired of having to explain this every time the chiefs play in front of a national audience. yes, all the chiefs players are married to each other. no, they DO NOT all have sex with each other at halftime. they're more professional than that, and there's a lot more to marriage than that

a mcdonalds sprite came to me in a dream and she spoke of a world free from human suffering

you see Master Wayne some men just want to watch the world shake that ass get low get low shake that ass get low get low now turn around and pop that thang i said turn around and pop that thang

2025 New Years Resolution: Try every global glizzy

oh it's too hot for u, battery? oh it's too cold for you, battery? you losing charge? FUCK you. goldilocks ass technology sack up bro

(The most incomprehensible bullshit imaginable) I SAID WHAT I SAID

putting 🍆💦 in every venmo transaction

I bet it’s okay to eat a little bit of lava

Before bands had to worry about people being able to find them on the internet they could just call themselves Live

let your pasta boil over. it knows what it needs