Uncle Kermit
@unclekermit.bsky.social
Buffoon, Drunk, Failure.
bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaam3sitppeow
bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaam3sitppeow
Pinned
They should have made and Elvis movie where he was a singing Tarzan.
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
Sometimes I get jealous of people who are retiring, then I remember they’re nearing the end of their natural lifespan and I get even more jealous.
November 11, 2025 at 12:31 PM
Sometimes I get jealous of people who are retiring, then I remember they’re nearing the end of their natural lifespan and I get even more jealous.
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
I think I’m ready to start eating competitively.
November 3, 2025 at 11:22 PM
I think I’m ready to start eating competitively.
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
“I’ll just slip into something more comfortable,” I say, walking into the ocean.
November 11, 2025 at 5:25 AM
“I’ll just slip into something more comfortable,” I say, walking into the ocean.
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
"No, Mr. Heller," said the judge, "Presenting exhibit D will NOT please the court. That is why you are here in the first place."
November 11, 2025 at 12:54 AM
"No, Mr. Heller," said the judge, "Presenting exhibit D will NOT please the court. That is why you are here in the first place."
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
This is my crippling anxiety post. There are many like it, but this one is mine.
November 8, 2025 at 1:10 PM
This is my crippling anxiety post. There are many like it, but this one is mine.
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
I make a spectacular friend if you like downward spirals
November 10, 2025 at 6:03 PM
I make a spectacular friend if you like downward spirals
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
how many jokes do i need to post before the world is fixed
November 11, 2025 at 12:26 AM
how many jokes do i need to post before the world is fixed
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
College dorm room start up idea: The Brodega
November 11, 2025 at 3:31 AM
College dorm room start up idea: The Brodega
The heart wants what the heart wants, but try telling that to the police.
November 10, 2025 at 11:26 PM
The heart wants what the heart wants, but try telling that to the police.
You see a lot of girls named "Brooklyn," but never "The Bronx," or "Staten Island."
November 10, 2025 at 11:26 PM
You see a lot of girls named "Brooklyn," but never "The Bronx," or "Staten Island."
If I were the devil, I would not write 666 on stuff, even secretly, so no one would catch on to my plans.
November 10, 2025 at 8:57 PM
If I were the devil, I would not write 666 on stuff, even secretly, so no one would catch on to my plans.
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
Have had life ruining allergies for over a week and now I have no choice but to cut my own head off.
November 10, 2025 at 4:57 PM
Have had life ruining allergies for over a week and now I have no choice but to cut my own head off.
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
I've made so many mistakes in my life. Wasted years. Wasted relationships. Wasted everything.
November 7, 2025 at 4:12 AM
I've made so many mistakes in my life. Wasted years. Wasted relationships. Wasted everything.
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
i don’t have another monday in me
November 10, 2025 at 2:47 AM
i don’t have another monday in me
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
what do you mean I have to go to work tomorrow
November 9, 2025 at 7:50 PM
what do you mean I have to go to work tomorrow
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
Of course I’m an alpha male.
*adjusts panties
*adjusts panties
November 9, 2025 at 7:50 PM
Of course I’m an alpha male.
*adjusts panties
*adjusts panties
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
im a daytime midweek bowling alley ten.
November 9, 2025 at 7:46 PM
im a daytime midweek bowling alley ten.
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
Me: I’m making a roast.
My girlfriend: Don’t fuck it.
My girlfriend: Don’t fuck it.
November 6, 2025 at 11:42 PM
Me: I’m making a roast.
My girlfriend: Don’t fuck it.
My girlfriend: Don’t fuck it.
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
People keep asking me if I am enjoying things-- my day, an event, or the weekend-- when I am literally just trying to survive these things
November 9, 2025 at 1:47 PM
People keep asking me if I am enjoying things-- my day, an event, or the weekend-- when I am literally just trying to survive these things
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
I will gladly give you some advice if you’re interested in ruining your life.
November 9, 2025 at 4:58 PM
I will gladly give you some advice if you’re interested in ruining your life.
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
warby parker sounds like an asshole kid at a boarding school
November 9, 2025 at 6:39 PM
warby parker sounds like an asshole kid at a boarding school
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
me: *makes a joke about cake*
them: lol, that’s so funny. i loved cake too until my dad got diabetes and lost his legs.
them: lol, that’s so funny. i loved cake too until my dad got diabetes and lost his legs.
November 9, 2025 at 1:46 AM
me: *makes a joke about cake*
them: lol, that’s so funny. i loved cake too until my dad got diabetes and lost his legs.
them: lol, that’s so funny. i loved cake too until my dad got diabetes and lost his legs.
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
I don't delete my bad posts because why should I suffer alone.
November 9, 2025 at 6:50 PM
I don't delete my bad posts because why should I suffer alone.
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
no amount of state propaganda will ever convince me this man is my enemy
November 9, 2025 at 3:05 PM
no amount of state propaganda will ever convince me this man is my enemy
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
There is coconut oil all over my phone screen, no time for questions!!!
November 9, 2025 at 5:04 PM
There is coconut oil all over my phone screen, no time for questions!!!