Candy Elliott
@sixfootcandy.bsky.social
Marriage, aging, and everyday life, Gen X Style. Humor, heart, real and relatable.
LA 🌴 | Animals 🐾 | TSwift ✨🫶🏻
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:qut5myo23afai4odf3z25trw/feed/aaadwsj277rdi
LA 🌴 | Animals 🐾 | TSwift ✨🫶🏻
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:qut5myo23afai4odf3z25trw/feed/aaadwsj277rdi
Pinned
My husband was annoyed after spending $65 on two burgers and fries, so I said, “Bet yours could blow these away.” His eyes lit up. “Really? I’ll make some tomorrow!”
Two days later, I did the same with pasta.
And that’s how I Jedi mind-tricked my husband into becoming our chef.
Two days later, I did the same with pasta.
And that’s how I Jedi mind-tricked my husband into becoming our chef.
They’re looking at the same video we are and telling us he did something he didn’t do. That’s gaslighting. They want us to stop believing our own eyes.
January 24, 2026 at 8:52 PM
They’re looking at the same video we are and telling us he did something he didn’t do. That’s gaslighting. They want us to stop believing our own eyes.
Reposted by Candy Elliott
Some dog news, as a treat 🦴🦴: Your dog may be gifted. New research suggests that some dogs have the neurological capacity to eavesdrop and learn new words when they hear humans talking about something that interests them, much like a toddler would.
Researchers call the dogs Gifted Word Learner dogs
Researchers call the dogs Gifted Word Learner dogs
Your Dog May Be Similar To An 18-Month-Old Child In 1 Fascinating Way
To what extent are dogs really paying attention to our conversations? Quite a bit, actually.
www.huffpost.com
January 21, 2026 at 11:39 PM
Some dog news, as a treat 🦴🦴: Your dog may be gifted. New research suggests that some dogs have the neurological capacity to eavesdrop and learn new words when they hear humans talking about something that interests them, much like a toddler would.
Researchers call the dogs Gifted Word Learner dogs
Researchers call the dogs Gifted Word Learner dogs
I’m not overthinking. I’m conducting a thorough background check on every possible outcome.
January 21, 2026 at 6:53 PM
I’m not overthinking. I’m conducting a thorough background check on every possible outcome.
Husband: Why are you cleaning the entire house?
Me: The landlord’s coming to check the smoke detectors tomorrow.
Husband: Naturally.
Me: The landlord’s coming to check the smoke detectors tomorrow.
Husband: Naturally.
January 20, 2026 at 9:24 PM
Husband: Why are you cleaning the entire house?
Me: The landlord’s coming to check the smoke detectors tomorrow.
Husband: Naturally.
Me: The landlord’s coming to check the smoke detectors tomorrow.
Husband: Naturally.
Me: When I was sick, my husband slept on the couch and the dog took his spot. Now I have to tell him it's permanent.
Friend: I'm sure the dog will be okay.
Me: The dog? No. I meant my husband.
Friend: I'm sure the dog will be okay.
Me: The dog? No. I meant my husband.
January 19, 2026 at 6:54 PM
Me: When I was sick, my husband slept on the couch and the dog took his spot. Now I have to tell him it's permanent.
Friend: I'm sure the dog will be okay.
Me: The dog? No. I meant my husband.
Friend: I'm sure the dog will be okay.
Me: The dog? No. I meant my husband.
I don’t get why people announce they don’t use Botox, filler, or filters like it’s a moral flex. The subtext feels like “I’m more authentic, I’m less vain, I’m doing it the right way,” when there’s no single authentic or right way to age, and women deserve support, not judgment.
January 16, 2026 at 9:34 PM
I don’t get why people announce they don’t use Botox, filler, or filters like it’s a moral flex. The subtext feels like “I’m more authentic, I’m less vain, I’m doing it the right way,” when there’s no single authentic or right way to age, and women deserve support, not judgment.
Don’t pick up
Don’t pick up
Don’t pick up
Me every time I have to call someone
Don’t pick up
Don’t pick up
Me every time I have to call someone
January 16, 2026 at 7:42 PM
Don’t pick up
Don’t pick up
Don’t pick up
Me every time I have to call someone
Don’t pick up
Don’t pick up
Me every time I have to call someone
My brother just gave me his law degree. Apparently that’s how it works. I’m a lawyer now!
January 16, 2026 at 5:41 PM
My brother just gave me his law degree. Apparently that’s how it works. I’m a lawyer now!
Reposted by Candy Elliott
"Members of the jury, the testimony you will hear today will prove conclusively that Dermot Mulroney and Dylan McDermott are, in fact, two different people."
January 14, 2026 at 4:28 PM
"Members of the jury, the testimony you will hear today will prove conclusively that Dermot Mulroney and Dylan McDermott are, in fact, two different people."
Reposted by Candy Elliott
The devil on my left shoulder says "bring frozen fish sticks to the office potluck"
And the worse devil on my right shoulder says "and then cook them in the staff lounge microwave"
And the worse devil on my right shoulder says "and then cook them in the staff lounge microwave"
December 15, 2025 at 6:56 PM
The devil on my left shoulder says "bring frozen fish sticks to the office potluck"
And the worse devil on my right shoulder says "and then cook them in the staff lounge microwave"
And the worse devil on my right shoulder says "and then cook them in the staff lounge microwave"
Reposted by Candy Elliott
Unprecedented Times at Ridgemont High
January 13, 2026 at 3:43 PM
Unprecedented Times at Ridgemont High
Reposted by Candy Elliott
My haiku brings them
Brings all the bards to my yard
'Tis better than yours
Brings all the bards to my yard
'Tis better than yours
January 10, 2026 at 10:16 PM
My haiku brings them
Brings all the bards to my yard
'Tis better than yours
Brings all the bards to my yard
'Tis better than yours
Reposted by Candy Elliott
me: sorry. can’t come in today. i slept funny
my boss @ the improv club: yes, and…
my boss @ the improv club: yes, and…
January 13, 2026 at 2:11 PM
me: sorry. can’t come in today. i slept funny
my boss @ the improv club: yes, and…
my boss @ the improv club: yes, and…
Reposted by Candy Elliott
listen here son, when I was your age I had to walk 10 miles uphill in a snowstorm to get pornography
January 14, 2026 at 1:36 AM
listen here son, when I was your age I had to walk 10 miles uphill in a snowstorm to get pornography
Reposted by Candy Elliott
i hope the first one works because i just don’t think i can fit a second one in there
January 10, 2026 at 2:15 AM
i hope the first one works because i just don’t think i can fit a second one in there
Reposted by Candy Elliott
me: my exercise teacher not only does not do an even number of reps but does, like, 7 reps on one side & then 11 reps on the others side & it’s very disconcerting & weird
my therapist: what
my therapist: what
January 13, 2026 at 10:01 PM
me: my exercise teacher not only does not do an even number of reps but does, like, 7 reps on one side & then 11 reps on the others side & it’s very disconcerting & weird
my therapist: what
my therapist: what
Reposted by Candy Elliott
“Not tonight dear, I’ve got a haddock.”
January 14, 2026 at 2:07 PM
“Not tonight dear, I’ve got a haddock.”
Reposted by Candy Elliott
NOBODY has the confidence of the guy at the urinal with both hands on his hips
January 14, 2026 at 2:45 AM
NOBODY has the confidence of the guy at the urinal with both hands on his hips
You don’t really know someone until you’ve watched them parallel park.
January 14, 2026 at 5:47 PM
You don’t really know someone until you’ve watched them parallel park.
Reposted by Candy Elliott
They’re less my kids than on-demand scapegoats for when my wife accuses me of loading the dishwasher wrong.
January 9, 2026 at 2:07 PM
They’re less my kids than on-demand scapegoats for when my wife accuses me of loading the dishwasher wrong.
Reposted by Candy Elliott
Can any reply people out there tell me what a rhetorical joke is?
January 10, 2026 at 4:27 PM
Can any reply people out there tell me what a rhetorical joke is?
Reposted by Candy Elliott
I may not know much about sports, but at least I don't have fantasies about football
January 11, 2026 at 3:09 PM
I may not know much about sports, but at least I don't have fantasies about football
Reposted by Candy Elliott
sometimes I wonder if Einstein's friends were ever able to say "nice work, Einstein" without sounding sarcastic
January 12, 2026 at 2:41 AM
sometimes I wonder if Einstein's friends were ever able to say "nice work, Einstein" without sounding sarcastic
Reposted by Candy Elliott
im like a goldfish bc, uhhh, i forgot where i was going with this
January 12, 2026 at 12:49 AM
im like a goldfish bc, uhhh, i forgot where i was going with this
Reposted by Candy Elliott
“Ah good, you’re awake. Please don’t bother trying to move. Now, I just have a couple of questions for you. If you answer truthfully, this can all be over quickly, but if I think you’re lying, I will introduce you to my friend Klaus over there, and trust me, you don’t want that.”
January 10, 2026 at 2:34 PM
“Ah good, you’re awake. Please don’t bother trying to move. Now, I just have a couple of questions for you. If you answer truthfully, this can all be over quickly, but if I think you’re lying, I will introduce you to my friend Klaus over there, and trust me, you don’t want that.”