Matt Olson
@metalson.bsky.social
Freelance marine biologist, stoner doom zealot, annoying fuck. Parody account, not the real @metalson
Pinned
Matt Olson
@metalson.bsky.social
· Sep 17
I hope whoever ends up murdering me isn’t very attractive.
Battlebots would be the biggest sport in the world if they made the robots like ten feet tall.
January 22, 2026 at 1:02 AM
Battlebots would be the biggest sport in the world if they made the robots like ten feet tall.
There is auld lang syne and there is bauld lang syne, but there is no auld bauld lang syne.
January 21, 2026 at 8:47 PM
There is auld lang syne and there is bauld lang syne, but there is no auld bauld lang syne.
Reposted by Matt Olson
But the best course of action is to be quiet and play nice, right Tim?
January 17, 2026 at 2:01 AM
But the best course of action is to be quiet and play nice, right Tim?
When I get old I won’t have a yard or anything nice to be a fuddy duddy about so I’ll have to be like: “the damn kids are running amok in my mentions again!”
January 15, 2026 at 9:36 PM
When I get old I won’t have a yard or anything nice to be a fuddy duddy about so I’ll have to be like: “the damn kids are running amok in my mentions again!”
Going to a wine tasting and carrying myself like I’m the fanciest one there, and loudly proclaiming that every wine tastes “like grapes”.
January 15, 2026 at 2:03 AM
Going to a wine tasting and carrying myself like I’m the fanciest one there, and loudly proclaiming that every wine tastes “like grapes”.
Reposted by Matt Olson
SHOUT THIS FROM EVERY ROOFTOP.
This is just policing, period. More overt in some ways. Most cops at least prefer to do state violence where they aren't going to be easily seen. But no real difference. Same rotten roots of the same rotten tree with rotten apples galore. There is no fixing this.
This is just policing, period. More overt in some ways. Most cops at least prefer to do state violence where they aren't going to be easily seen. But no real difference. Same rotten roots of the same rotten tree with rotten apples galore. There is no fixing this.
Respectfully, to the people saying abolition is wrong because we need to incarcerate ICE ghouls, I disagree.
ICE proves why Abolition is necessary, because any armed paramilitary force will eventually turn into what ICE is now.
We know this because so many police departments already did.
ICE proves why Abolition is necessary, because any armed paramilitary force will eventually turn into what ICE is now.
We know this because so many police departments already did.
January 14, 2026 at 9:27 PM
SHOUT THIS FROM EVERY ROOFTOP.
This is just policing, period. More overt in some ways. Most cops at least prefer to do state violence where they aren't going to be easily seen. But no real difference. Same rotten roots of the same rotten tree with rotten apples galore. There is no fixing this.
This is just policing, period. More overt in some ways. Most cops at least prefer to do state violence where they aren't going to be easily seen. But no real difference. Same rotten roots of the same rotten tree with rotten apples galore. There is no fixing this.
Reposted by Matt Olson
we HAVE to win the MIDTERMS so a DEMOCRAT MAJORITY can attatch a NON-BINDING RESOLUTION asking the GESTAPO not to wear MASKS to the OMNIBUS BILL that increases their FUNDING again
January 14, 2026 at 9:41 AM
we HAVE to win the MIDTERMS so a DEMOCRAT MAJORITY can attatch a NON-BINDING RESOLUTION asking the GESTAPO not to wear MASKS to the OMNIBUS BILL that increases their FUNDING again
There’s too many words on the internet
January 13, 2026 at 8:02 AM
There’s too many words on the internet
Reposted by Matt Olson
Reposted by Matt Olson
you'll never get me to believe dems dont coordinate this shit to decide who can take the hit and vote for the fascist capitalist shit that they all also support and who gets to pretend they were against it
7 Democrats just voted today to confirm a Trump judicial nominee who refused to say what happened on January 6 or answer who won the 2020 election:
Durbin
Hassan
Kaine
King
Klobuchar
Shaheen
Welch
Durbin
Hassan
Kaine
King
Klobuchar
Shaheen
Welch
January 9, 2026 at 4:55 PM
you'll never get me to believe dems dont coordinate this shit to decide who can take the hit and vote for the fascist capitalist shit that they all also support and who gets to pretend they were against it
Reposted by Matt Olson
What ICE was up to in Minnesota before they murdered a woman
January 7, 2026 at 10:01 PM
What ICE was up to in Minnesota before they murdered a woman
If you care more about January 6th than Charlottesville I will never see you as anything but a cop.
January 6, 2026 at 10:52 PM
If you care more about January 6th than Charlottesville I will never see you as anything but a cop.
Reposted by Matt Olson
Nicolás Maduro Charged With Felony Oil Possession
January 5, 2026 at 7:00 PM
Nicolás Maduro Charged With Felony Oil Possession
Taking the swab and swirling it around the inside of both nostrils, then opening the Covid test vial and swirling the cotton swab around in the solution, and then snorting all the liquid out of the vial. 🙌
January 5, 2026 at 7:00 PM
Taking the swab and swirling it around the inside of both nostrils, then opening the Covid test vial and swirling the cotton swab around in the solution, and then snorting all the liquid out of the vial. 🙌
Reposted by Matt Olson
Please put the US under sanctions. Cancel the LA Olympics. No international conferences.
January 3, 2026 at 7:19 AM
Please put the US under sanctions. Cancel the LA Olympics. No international conferences.
Reposted by Matt Olson
The answer is not “more polite regime change”
January 3, 2026 at 9:46 AM
The answer is not “more polite regime change”
Reposted by Matt Olson
Fuck the troops by the way. I wish nothing but ill upon them.
January 3, 2026 at 7:28 AM
Fuck the troops by the way. I wish nothing but ill upon them.
I’d be more receptive to CBS’s five simple values if each value had its own animal mascot.
January 2, 2026 at 11:34 PM
I’d be more receptive to CBS’s five simple values if each value had its own animal mascot.
In 2026 the bread is all sawdust and ergot and the circuses are all just housecats painted with tiger stripes.
January 2, 2026 at 11:08 PM
In 2026 the bread is all sawdust and ergot and the circuses are all just housecats painted with tiger stripes.
The main thing that holds me back on social media is that I don’t have any damn opinions on stuff.
December 30, 2025 at 9:31 PM
The main thing that holds me back on social media is that I don’t have any damn opinions on stuff.
24 hour mailboxes, why does it take that long?
December 30, 2025 at 12:39 AM
24 hour mailboxes, why does it take that long?
Guy who loves Black Sabbath but refuses to call Ozzy and Geezer anything but “John” and “Terence”
December 29, 2025 at 10:44 PM
Guy who loves Black Sabbath but refuses to call Ozzy and Geezer anything but “John” and “Terence”
Santa is the world’s most successful alcoholic.
December 24, 2025 at 10:32 PM
Santa is the world’s most successful alcoholic.
If you describe your first round of cannonball volleys against me as your “opening salvo”, fuck you.
December 22, 2025 at 5:06 AM
If you describe your first round of cannonball volleys against me as your “opening salvo”, fuck you.